to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

[forbiddenfruit85]

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

There must be plenty if events that are far more suitable. Lunches, meals not on Black Friday.

I've got a baby who I would take to a packed restaurant with a live band for a Christmas do at that time and I still have a social life.

I don't see it as being a cheeky mare or whatever to ask for a lift.[QUOTE]

No, but it is being a cheeky mare to push it when the friend clearly indicates that she wants to have a few drinks and wasn't planning on taking the car. This mother sounds awfully self entitled and the type who will expect everything to revolve around her and the baby in the restaurant.

La Queen - perhaps you are right. I personally wouldn't take my baby along and this Christmas I have refused all invitations to nights out (precious I may be but only if I'm allowed to be ). But I do feel slightly left out. And I feel for this mother as I imagine we are in a similar situation and I suspect she would be both hurt and embarrassed if she thought people were wanting her to stay away. Especially if someone had suggested I bring baby or I'd asked and been told that it would be ok. I'd be reluctant to meet for one small or non alcoholic drink and then be one my way once the meal arrived. A lot of effort for a short time during which I'd worry about the baby. But like I said, I'm staying home this year [no friends emoticon ]

I actually only started posting on this thread as I could believe how over the top and rude a lot of people where to the op for nothing more than preferring an adults only Christmas beano.

Fair play to her for sticking up for herself.

Earlier in the thread you made a comment implying that those of us with the title Mummy in our handle's define ourselves solely by our lives as mothers and nothing more. That we don't have identities outside of this.

That is why you said you find our opinions irrelevant, as if we couldn't understand your dilemma because we obviously have nothing else going on in our lives except being mummy's.

My point is that you are agonising over something I wouldn't give two hoots about because one dinner (whether work related or not), is not the be all and end all for me. It actually say's to me that you are making assumptions about other people's social lives being a bit shit, because of a name they use on a chat forum, while completely giving away the fact that your social life is probably a bit shit.

Being a mum doesn't define my identity, but I love being a mum. I wouldn't agonise over something like this because one dinner is one dinner. I have other things going on so I don't need one dinner to live up to all my expectations of what I want my social life to be.

LDNmummy .... I never implied that your social life was shit. I meant I found people the name mummy in their name were always going to disagree with me. Because I dared to say I wouldn't want and don't think its an appropriate place to bring a baby.

while completely giving away the fact that your social life is probably a bit shit

Not sure how I have done that, it would be childish to list what I'm doing this week such as dinner party at friends Tuesday, late night shopping with friend on a Wednesday, drinks on Friday and then another dinner party on Saturday, but like I said it would be childish so I'm not going to do that

PickledInAPearTree

'Because what I actually said was "but if people are going to be rude then why shouldn't I be rude back?"'

You have been very rude to me but I haven't been rude back!

forbidden as I can't be bothered to go back and copy and paste, I will leave you to pretend that you haven't been a massively rude numpty.

Yes... childish...

Never denied being rude.

But I was only rude to the people that were rude to me first.
Such as you.

And I obviously touched a nerve about your social life. My only advice to you is perhaps remove the stick from your behind?

Have a good day now.

StarOfLightMcKings3 I have no time for you and your nonsense. Your stories had so many holes in them that no one sane could take you seriously.

Just read the rest, your friend is being very rude and entitled. Kim should have saud no I'm drinking sorry! it sounds as though it is an adult only night, you should have told Lauren that and been more explicit. That means if the baby is tired and grumpy and needs to go home than poor Kim has to sacrifice her njoyment to take Lauren home. If I were Kim I would call Lauren and tell her that sh will not be abe to giv her a lift as she is drinking

"And I can change baby's nappy with one hand whilst feeding AND holding a conversation with you and you wouldn't even notice what I was doing."

Ew. I would notice. People who change nappies without taking the baby away to a lavatory are - I have no words - I can't even... I know lots of people do. but really I do notice, and there is still shit in front of my nose, and - seriously, at a party? In a restaurant? Seriously? Come on.

Why would you change a nappy at a dinner table even if you do possess such an amazing sleight of hand?

It's so needless when there is access to a toilet

Please tell me people aren't doing this.

Read whole thread now. It's taken me all afternoon. Not that I'm a slow reader; I've been doing other stuff.

Anyway.

1. I agree with every single word LaQueen's written.
2. Staroflight - you're deluding yourself if you think nobody's ever noticed you changing nappies. What do you think the people around the bouncy castle thought you were doing?? "Hey, what's Star doing over there by the bouncy castle?" "Dunno. She seems to be just, you know, standing there. Maybe she's plucking up courage to jump on. "
3. Lauren has got a bloody cheek with the "One drink" comment. I hope Kim tells her where to go.
4. I'm hoping against hope Kim and Lauren turn up on the thread! :D

I havent read all the posts. However there are some mothers who INSIST on bringing their children everywhere. They like the attention IMHO.

However this is an adult time. Not a time for others to bill and coo over your PFB. My SIL has told me she hasnt had a good nights sleep for over 5 years because her DD wakes up every night and crys. She then goes in and all the fuss starts, lie down next to me. Can I have a drink of water, can I have the light on etc etc. She moans continually about it but refuses to become firmer. She even has a baby listener so that she can rush in and comfort her DD.

So, some people will always insist on bringing their babies everywhere, weddings, adult only restaurants (yes, I had an incident where a family wanted to bring their child into a adult only place because she was asleep). I was there with my DH on a adult only night and the restaurant then discreeetly asked whether the other diners would object by coming around to each table (its wasnt in the UK!). I felt so embarrased I said OK. And guess what, the baby woke up, the parents started walking around the restauarant to calm it down and messed it up for the rest of us!

The friend is not putting the baby first taking it to such an adult environment and she has shown her true colours now by asking and making another friend to drive her to the venue despite that friend intending on wanting to have a drink.

Your friend is taking the piss someone needs to have a big word with her and tell her that is not appropriate for her to be in that environment with a baby and that is only one Christmas she can enjoy your company in another way on another time or look forward to Christmas nights out next year.

As i said about 20 pages ago YANBU!!!

LaQueen - perhaps it is the same person!!

You can bet your bottom dollar there will be one well meaning but annoying person in the group who will insist that everyone waits to order until the mum has finished breastfeeding or that everyone changes places so that the baby won't be in a draught and so on and so on.

That is more a problem of an annoying adult than an annoying baby though, isn't it?

Some adults are capable of being annoying even without a baby in their midst.

There is no hint that any of the other members of the party feel as churlish as the OP does about the presence of the baby.

So statements about 'the needs of the many' are a bit ott.

I was always very mindful that, much as I loved my babies, very few other people did - and that the very most I could expect from friends/collegues was sort of a mild fondness/interest in my baby. And, I recognised that for the overwhelming majority of adults this mild fondness/interest couldn't hope to compete with the chance to let their hair down and enjoy a good, lovely night out.

How bloody awful it must be to be British and a mother.

Why is there so much bad feeling towards being British on this thread.

I was born in the UK and raised in France.

IMO it is not a suitable place for a baby to be.

People generally aren't that interested in babies that are not their own. It's like looking at someones holiday photos, not really that interesting.

This is not just a British thing.

What a derogatory and downright rude thing to say mathanxiety

This is ONE CHRISTMAS. You can have the good grace to let your friend bring her baby without expressing disapproval, or you can make her feel unwelcome and risk your friendship. You say upthread that you love her. Good. Show it by sucking this up yourself.

Well said BooBooBeDoo. That is what is called common sense (and kindness).

Or would OP be afraid of setting a dangerous precedent?

Nowhere else would anyone be so forthright about her fears about babies, what they do to your identity (see posts from the OP about people who use Mummy in their usernames), how they 'ruin' the great British Christmas pissup (a very British thing) and in fact any other 'adults only' event among friends (again another very British concept ime). And there is also the feeling that when a baby is out it is an attention hog and that people will be required to gush and coo at it -- contrary to how casually the presence of babies is dealt with elsewhere.