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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:
AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 10/12/2012 07:23

Is Aggie going? She's a right piss head, wouldn't want her around my 6 month old

fruitstick · 10/12/2012 07:48

I do hope Kim and Lauren aren't their real names otherwise the evening could turn into the Eastenders Christmas special Grin

StarOfLightMcKings3 · 10/12/2012 08:30

'Nah, I don't mind people disagreeing.

But people can do so without being nasty and making personal attacks.'

Pot, kettle and all that jazz!

gloomy1 · 10/12/2012 08:49

yabu it,s her choice and i,m sure she woulden,t be going if she found it stressful.

PickledInAPearTree · 10/12/2012 10:15

I'm just going to pop back in and say I think it's daft. Just to even it up a bit.

fruitstick · 10/12/2012 10:19

I'm just hoping it can get to 1000 posts when the answer is essentially

YANBU to not want her to bring the baby
YABU to try to tell her that she can't.

On the whole, I think we've done a lot if good here people.

fruitstick · 10/12/2012 10:20

of ..... of!

PickledInAPearTree · 10/12/2012 10:24

You could just all go and get hammered in the local ball pit.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 10/12/2012 10:25
Xmas Grin
LDNmummy · 10/12/2012 10:53

I actually think its really stupid to think a baby can't attend an adult evening and stay out late.

Under the age of one I don't think they make much difference at all.

I was going out to bars and late night adult occasions right through my pregnancy and right through DD's first year. In my group of friends it wasn't weird at all. It was fine when other members of my group had baby's to do this and it was fine when I had my DD.

Now that she is older I don't take my DD out on evenings like any more, but it was never an issue when I did. Before they are old enough to need more attention than feeding and cuddling, what difference does it possibly make Confused

OP, yes my name has mummy in it, but it sounds like I have a much better social life away from my family than you because you are so stressed about something that I wouldn't give a second thought to. Obviously a work dinner is the be all and end all of your social life.

DeckTheHallsWithBartimaeus · 10/12/2012 11:06

I think YANBU to not want a screaming baby at your dinner but YABU to assume this baby will be like that.

I would hope that the mum knows her baby well enough to judge whether this night out will be a nightmare or plain sailing.

We once went out to a restaurant in the evening with friends and they brought their 3.5 year old and 6 month old (they had to, they were on their way home from a christening and stopped off in our town).

The 3.5 year old was very well behaved. The 6 month old didn't stop screaming. At least, this is what we were told as we couldn't hear a thing over the din of all the other people in the restaurant! Even without kids we wouldn't have been able to have a conversation

InExitCelsisDeo · 10/12/2012 11:20

I would rather have stabbed forks in my eyes than go out to a Christmas Do when DD was 6 months old, but accept that is probably just me.

Booboobedoo · 10/12/2012 11:35

Somebody pointed out upthread that babies are only babies for a very short period, in the middle of a 'the mum should suck it up and stay at home' post.

In the OP's position, while admittedly I would prefer a child-free night out, I would bear in mind that she will almost certainly be able to leave her baby next year.

This is ONE CHRISTMAS. You can have the good grace to let your friend bring her baby without expressing disapproval, or you can make her feel unwelcome and risk your friendship.

You say upthread that you love her. Good. Show it by sucking this up yourself.

Janeatthebarre · 10/12/2012 11:52

I cannot believe this thread has run to 37 pages.

Neither can I believe the number of people who think it is perfectly fine to bring a baby in a pushchair to an adult night out in a restaurant. It is unfair on the baby, it is unfair on the other diners and it is unfair on your friends. Yes, there is the possibility that the baby will sleep throughout the meal and no one will notice her. But there is also the possibility that she will be wide awake crying or looking for attention and that everything will have to revolve around pacifying the baby. You can bet your bottom dollar there will be one well meaning but annoying person in the group who will insist that everyone waits to order until the mum has finished breastfeeding or that everyone changes places so that the baby won't be in a draught and so on and so on.

Gillyweed001 · 10/12/2012 12:24

I've already said I think the baby should be allowed to go, earlier. However, for the mum to say to her friend not to drink, so that she can drive is unreasonable.

LaQueen · 10/12/2012 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 10/12/2012 13:40

There.

LaQueen · 10/12/2012 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 10/12/2012 13:44

Speech, speech....

DollySistersBrothersFatherXmas · 10/12/2012 13:48

Yabu. I'm sure your friend knows it isn't ideal but if it means she can join in once in a while, why not? I too have a 6month old bf baby who refuses a bottle. I tried but it was heartbreaking to spend hours expressing precious milk to have to pour it down the sink. So i gave up. I'd like to think my friends would be pleased I'd made an effort even if that meant bringing baby too. I like to think my friends would be pleased to see the baby too but maybe that's just me being a precious mother. I would be extremely hurt if I thought any of my so-called-friends would prefer me to stay away, or spend hours needlessly expressing milk, putting it in a plastic bottle, shoving it in my baby's mouth then pouring it down the sink just for the sake of one night.

Janeatthebarre · 10/12/2012 13:50

It's not about 'preferring you to stay away' though. It's about 'preferring an adult only night out'. It's not a personal thing against the friend, it's just a natural wish that only those who can attend without their children would come on this particular night out.

LaQueen · 10/12/2012 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 10/12/2012 13:57

LDNmummy

OP, yes my name has mummy in it, but it sounds like I have a much better social life away from my family than you because you are so stressed about something that I wouldn't give a second thought to. Obviously a work dinner is the be all and end all of your social life.

Like seriously? Firstly it's not a work do (which I already stated). It's a night where we, the whole group of friends are attending. This is rare these days that we are all there due to busy lives, other commitments etc.

I love my social life thanks Smile

I also don't think I have slammed anyones social life on this post like you just did. The only comment I made was I find the opinion of someone with mummy in their name irrelevant.
I would never do it, being a mum doesn't define my very existence as a person thankfully.

OP posts:
ArielTheBahHumbugMermaid · 10/12/2012 13:59

forbiddentfruit ignore ignore ignore.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 10/12/2012 14:03

StarOfLightMcKings3

'Nah, I don't mind people disagreeing.

But people can do so without being nasty and making personal attacks.'

Pot, kettle and all that jazz!

Lol that's right StarOfLightMcKings3 only quote part of what I said.

Because what I actually said was "but if people are going to be rude then why shouldn't I be rude back?"

I'm not just going to sit there and take it.

If someone said YABU because you won't even notice the baby there, then I will accept that opinion.

When they say I'm a terrible person and would't want their baby around me etc then yes I am going to be just as rude.

OP posts: