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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:
EdgarAllanPond · 09/12/2012 15:35

can i swear in front of a baby?

yes.

can i slag off DH/ men/ other people?

yes.

can i talk about obscure sexual practices?

yes.

no change really.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 09/12/2012 23:37

Will definitely update, although said meal isn't until the weekend before Christmas.

However heres a small update

I am quite annoyed about this. Met my friend (Kim) who has organised the dinner today and she brought up the dinner subject.

She went to visit friend with baby (Lauren) during the week, and they were talking about meal.

Lauren asks Kim if she would be able to pick her up and bring her home for the meal.
Kim being put on the spot replies "yes sure .... but I was planning on having a few drinks actually"
Lauren replied "well you can still have one drink"

Quite shocked at the how bloody cheeky she is to be fair.

This meal just keeps getting better and better.

OP posts:
StarOfLightMcKings3 · 09/12/2012 23:56

In that case, forget everything I said. She IS expecting people to fall over themselves to accomodate her.

BUT, we're not all like that. There would be no need for anyone to change or modify their behaviour or drive me and baby anywhere.........

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 10/12/2012 00:18

Totally different issue. She could/would have asked for a lift whether she brought the baby or not.

Why didn't Kim just say 'No, sorry, I'm not driving'?

JessePinkman · 10/12/2012 00:18

forbiddenfruit85 is it a works do or not?

I think we have been arguing over whether it it a meal for friends or a piss up.

DoingItOnTheRoofTopWithSanta · 10/12/2012 00:42

StarOfLightMcKings3 the comments you have been receiving are bullying. Funny that people can call you mummymartyr/loon etc and then say it isn't bullying.

If people really thought you were crazy maybe they would be a bit kinder to someone who could have PND.

*not saying I think you have PND, I can't see anything wrong with attachment parenting I think it probably is the most kind way to raise a baby and probably the most normal way to raise a kid in this world. and while I didn't do it bit too much effort for me some of the people on this thread seem a bit threatened.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 10/12/2012 01:07

JessePinkman not a work do.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 10/12/2012 01:15

I don't see it as being a cheeky mare or whatever to ask for a lift. I would be asking why her partner is not supporting her efforts to get out (aside altogether from the babycare situation which doesn't ring alarm bells for me) and I would actually be a bit worried about her domestic situation.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 10/12/2012 01:25

He has his work Christmas do that night.

OP posts:
Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 10/12/2012 01:28

And yes it is cheeky mathanxiety because K could literally walk to the restaurant in around 10 minutes.

If she picked up L then that would be a 15 minute car ride one way.

So when you calculate it there and back and there and back again, thats a whole hour.

OP posts:
LDNmummy · 10/12/2012 01:31

Sounds to me like the friend makes the OP feel a bit guilty over her parenting style and so she has to make her friend look bad to make herself feel better.
The friend is putting her baby first which is absolutely right. She was willing to compromise by coming to the meal and bringing baby, but apparently that's against "da real life rules"
Thank God I don't live in that 'real life' and I'm going on my works meal on Monday and joining us is my colleagues gorgeous 16 month old. Because a) we love him and b) we want her there and would rather have both of them than her feel she had to stay home. Oh and c) we aren't asshats.

Well said!

LDNmummy · 10/12/2012 01:36

I don't understand why the OP is now upset that everyone is talking about breast v bottle when she brought it up to begin with. The OP could have omitted that detail completely so it is obviously an issue for her to have mentioned it in the way that she did.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 10/12/2012 01:43

Yes its an issue love because if you don't bottle feed your baby then ultimately you will only be the one that can solely look after your baby. You should accept that sadly you won't be able to socialise as easily.

It is up to the mother whether she wants to do this or not.

I have nothing bad to say about my friends parenting style.

HOWEVER

I cannot for the life of me see how she is putting the baby first?

To bring a 6mo in a noisy full restaurant, 3 days before Christmas, with live music, people will be drinking and most will have finished work for the Christmas break so yes celebrating. We are having 3 courses, so we will not be there for just one hour.

So instead of saying I'll give it a miss and stay at home and have the baby in bed before 10 or 11pm she decides to come out purely because she wants to socialise.

How does this benefit a baby?

Answer is, it doesn't.

OP posts:
ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 10/12/2012 01:44

You didn't answer my question - 'Why didn't she just say no, I'm not driving'??

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 10/12/2012 01:46

But then again going from the fact that your name has the word mummy in it then it's safe to say I find your opinion completely irrelevant.

OP posts:
Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 10/12/2012 01:48

ChippingInAWinterWonderland

I think originally she was put in an awkward position and so said yes.

And then in the same conversation said that actually she was wanting to drink that night.

OP posts:
ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 10/12/2012 01:54

If they could each walk there in 10 minutes - how could it possibly take K 15 minutes to drive to L's, even if they live in completely opposite directions with the restaurant in the middle? Anyway, that's an aside really - K should ring her tomorrow and say she's sorry, but now she's had time to think about it, she really does want to walk and so wont be able to pick her up and suggest she also walks. Surely one of her parents could taxi her there and back if she doesn't want to walk?!

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 10/12/2012 01:57

No you need to read what I said properly.

I said K could walk to the restaurant. She lives within walking distance.

However if she was to pick up L then she would have to drive, and the drive would take 15 minutes at least.

OP posts:
DoingItOnTheRoofTopWithSanta · 10/12/2012 02:02

But then again going from the fact that your name has the word mummy in it then it's safe to say I find your opinion completely irrelevant.

Pretty rude

So you would much prefer it if the people who are most likely to disagree with you would not respond?

Fair enough, maybe put that in the title next time though?

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 10/12/2012 02:17

Nah, I don't mind people disagreeing.

But people can do so without being nasty and making personal attacks.

I'll fairly listen to anyones opinion on the subject I posted if you don't resort to the above.

And yes if you are rude to me, then why should I not be rude back?

OP posts:
ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 10/12/2012 02:25

Oh for some reason I thought you'd said earlier she lived within walking distance - my mistake.

Still, buggering off , I really don't need your abrasive tone and to be honest, I think YABU, not your baby, not your business and if K is too wet to say 'No - I'm sorry, I'm not driving' then that's her problem - not yours, not Lauren's and certainly not mine.

Night.

CabbageLeaves · 10/12/2012 06:48

Kim and Lauren are going to join us with their opinions next aren't they? Xmas Confused

Sheesh. I'd be amazed if anyone pitches up for dinner by the time this is through

saintlyjimjams · 10/12/2012 07:11

Oh fgs @ 'well you can still have 1 drink'

K needs to ring her and say she isn't driving so she'll have to make her own way there. And warn everyone else to have their excuses ready. L appears to have not realised the world does not revolve around her.

Ha ha at taking a 6 month old (quite capable of not having to feed every five mins even if bfed) as being 'putting the baby first'

SuiGeneris · 10/12/2012 07:15

YABVVU and insensitive too. Just because YOU wanted your baby to take a bottle it does not mean others want to force their babies to do so too.

Just because YOU think 8pm is late for a baby to be out, it does not mean it is true or that others agree.

More to the point, it seems to me that you are putting your prejudices ahead of your friend and her relationship with her baby. If I were her and read this thread our friendship would be very negatively affected.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 10/12/2012 07:23

you can still have one drink??? ha ha ha, if anyone said that to me, when asking for a lift, I would have a big fat NO ready for them, why couldn't Kim just say no??!!