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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to spend much less on one of my dcs than the others at Christmas?

172 replies

handsandknees · 06/12/2012 09:19

3 dcs - DD1(11), DS(almost 10) and DD2(7). I want to be fair. I try to be fair.

DD1 has asked for inline skates for Christmas. I've also bought her Trivial Pursuit which I know she wants but isn't expecting and few bits and pieces - books, backpack, t-shirt. DD2 has asked for a Design-a-Friend doll so she's getting that plus extra outfit for the doll and I've also bought her a doll's seat for her bike, and some bits and pieces. The extras are basically things they need which they would get anyway but I know they will like them. I've probably spent about £80-£100 each on them including stocking chocs etc.

DS has asked for a box of craft things, which will be only his and which he won't have to share with his sisters. He has specified paper, tape, string, stapler - that kind of stuff. I've bought a box and filled it up - I spent less than £15. I also bought him 3 books and some chocs but have only spent about £30 in total. He isnt that into books but I've tried to pick ones I think he will like. He loves chocolate/sweets so will be happy with those. He's never been interested in toys - he prefers to make things and I know if I buy more toys for him he will ignore them. He isn't interested in clothes either and doesn't need a new backpack.

The dcs have the same number of presents to open. Is this ok? Do dcs notice the value of gifts at this age or just the number?

OP posts:
LoopsInHoops · 06/12/2012 09:23

Yes I think it matters. I would think about getting him something else craft related, or even better, tickets to something.

shewhowines · 06/12/2012 09:27

It seems like he may already has a bit of an issue with his sisters and sharing/fairness. Presumably they will have access to other craft stuff through the year so it isn't really much of a present. I think he will feel a bit left out with only that. Perhaps give him a voucher for more stuff later in the year when "his craft stuff" has run out. I'd also try to buy something else to even things up.

At 10 he will know the value of things and will work out the unfairness. If he was younger it wouldn't matter but I think it does at his age.

Blu · 06/12/2012 09:33

I would also get him something that will be a surprise. If he likes making things does he like Meccano, or Airfix kits, or Lego Techno?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 06/12/2012 09:36

I think I would even things up a bit. You don't have to spend exactly the same, and there may be circumstances where a big difference is justified (say an 11 year old and a toddler) but here he is the middle one in age and will have a reasonable idea of costs. How about some cinema vouchers so he can go with his friends or something?

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 06/12/2012 09:40

Lego? BIG lego set? His present, much as he loves crafts, will make his little heart sink....

Original poster
handsandknees · 06/12/2012 09:44

Cinema vouchers could be an option, thanks for that idea.

He is really difficult to buy for. He has lego and meccano - plays with them very occasionally but literally all his spare time is spent "inventing" things from paper etc. Toys have always been wasted on him - biggest waste of money ever was the playmobil set which has gathered dust in his room for the last 5 years.

OP posts:
CajaDeLaMemoria · 06/12/2012 09:44

Could you get to somewhere like Hobbycraft? Get him a few sets? They do some lovely glass painting, mosaic, character-building type sets for around £10, and then he'd have craft stuff that he loves and that keeps him busy.

Airfix is a good idea if he's got the concentration.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr · 06/12/2012 09:46

Lego mindstorm?

Original poster
handsandknees · 06/12/2012 09:48

He doesn't like craft sets where you have to follw instructions - he wants to only do his own ideas! He did once get an airfix model and was excited about starting it then ended up in a rage because it didn't turn out how he wanted. But we could try again I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
handsandknees · 06/12/2012 09:49

What is lego mindstorm?

OP posts:
piffpoff · 06/12/2012 09:50

I do think it matters and as others have said he's old enough to work out the cost of things. I also think middle children in particular are more conscious of unfairness or favouritism shown to one child, my sister who is the middle child still brings up discrepencies in our Christmas presents (in favour of our younger brother) over 30 years later which I as the oldest never noticed.
With her it borders on obsession .

forgetmenots · 06/12/2012 09:57

Why not get him a big box or chest and make sure he has a grown up (anglepoise style?) lamp, paper and pens, rulers etc for drawing his inventions, put the craft set in with it and maybe something else that could help him with it - a little camera to snap ideas? Folders with locks for him to keep his inventions secret?

I only say this because I was a bit like your DS when I was little. One yet I asked for a desk. Another year I asked for a filing cabinet (I wanted to write and draw my ideas and keep them all). Anything that feels like you are setting him up as an inventor will be appreciated. Clay for 3d models of his items? :)

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 06/12/2012 09:58

What about a DVD box set of his favourite films? Harry Potter or something like that? HMV had some really good deals on box sets advertised.

deXavia · 06/12/2012 09:58

How about vouchers for the local craft shop - his supply will run out quicker than the toys for the others? Or can you fit a craft table in his room?

AnnIonicIsoTronic · 06/12/2012 10:02

But crafting/ making is something you can take a lot further than Sellotape & string.

My Dd asked for a real woodwork set one year. It's been a bit of a drag supervising it - but since your other dc are older it might be less of an issue for you (it also needs some starter kits & balsa wood).

Or how about electronics hobby kits, so that his inventions could be accessorised with flashing lights, buzzers etc?

Badge stamper?

FIMO?

AnnIonicIsoTronic · 06/12/2012 10:04

woodwork set

AnnIonicIsoTronic · 06/12/2012 10:06

electronics (but you'd need to find uk supplier)

mercibucket · 06/12/2012 10:08

You could get some really decent stuff from hobbycraft eg glass paints, acrylic paints, or fimo for making his own models

mercibucket · 06/12/2012 10:08

You could get some really decent stuff from hobbycraft eg glass paints, acrylic paints, or fimo for making his own models

ginnybag · 06/12/2012 10:13

I was going to say GamesWorkshop until you said he doesn't like following instructions.

Could you look at pottery, electronics, sewing or any form of needlework, woodwork etc.

What about sourcing crafting courses (for the school holidays!) for him? Taster days for things.

Like this: www.channel4.com/4homes/how-to/crafts/craft-courses-for-kids

Original poster
handsandknees · 06/12/2012 10:14

Thanks for all the ideas. Actually thought some people would say what I've done is ok - obviously not!

A lamp is a good idea. Also maybe a desk but don't really want to spend too much more. I like the look for the woodwork set but he would honestly be just as happy or happier with scraps from someone's skip!

OP posts:
Original poster
handsandknees · 06/12/2012 10:14

the look OF the woodwork kit.

OP posts:
NothingIsAsBadAsItSeems · 06/12/2012 10:14

If he likes making things from paper could you get him some origami items. I love making random things like that DSs room is not covered in origami fish, cats, cranes

Floralnomad · 06/12/2012 10:16

I disagree I don't think it matters how much youve spent if he has got what he wanted . I've never price matched with mine (19 and 13) ,although they usually have a lot spent on them . I would be sorely disappointed if I thought my children would sit on Christmas morning adding up the prices of stuff. I think I would find that really ungrateful. I've always just bought what they wanted.

missnevermind · 06/12/2012 10:17

My DS(11) is Into myth Busters off the telly. So I have bought him blueprint paper and silver sharpys.

It looks a really crap present but he will love it.

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