to spend much less on one of my dcs than the others at Christmas?

[handsandknees]

3 dcs - DD1(11), DS(almost 10) and DD2(7). I want to be fair. I try to be fair.

DD1 has asked for inline skates for Christmas. I've also bought her Trivial Pursuit which I know she wants but isn't expecting and few bits and pieces - books, backpack, t-shirt. DD2 has asked for a Design-a-Friend doll so she's getting that plus extra outfit for the doll and I've also bought her a doll's seat for her bike, and some bits and pieces. The extras are basically things they need which they would get anyway but I know they will like them. I've probably spent about £80-£100 each on them including stocking chocs etc.

DS has asked for a box of craft things, which will be only his and which he won't have to share with his sisters. He has specified paper, tape, string, stapler - that kind of stuff. I've bought a box and filled it up - I spent less than £15. I also bought him 3 books and some chocs but have only spent about £30 in total. He isnt that into books but I've tried to pick ones I think he will like. He loves chocolate/sweets so will be happy with those. He's never been interested in toys - he prefers to make things and I know if I buy more toys for him he will ignore them. He isn't interested in clothes either and doesn't need a new backpack.

The dcs have the same number of presents to open. Is this ok? Do dcs notice the value of gifts at this age or just the number?

I think YANBU. You are getting each of them what they want.

I remember being annoyed at my mother after one teenage Christmas when she tried to slip me an extra tenner because "your brother's presents cost more". I remember even then thinking that was a ridiculous idea. It's not that I didn't have plenty of things and things I wanted.

It's NOT about the money. It's about everyone feeling what that they have what they need at the time they need it.

Why would you buy more stuff just to make it look right? Doing it this way shows all your children that it's not about the money.

That said, I do think the idea of a small voucher for replacements when necessary is a good idea. Or a promise to keep various items for him during the year when you might normally have thrown them out in an attempt to stop your house from turning into a junk-ridden mess (speaking from experience....)

Origami set? Some kind of art lessons or club?

GoldQuintessence maybe our boys could form some kind of mythbusters equivalent? DS wants to be in charge of everything though - I pity his future colleagues. He squirrels away all the empty cereal boxes, egg cartons, drink cans - tidying his room is painful as everything I think is rubbish is actually valuable, and I have to listen to the long explanation about each pice of junk invention.

Exactly the secondcoming I want to avoid buying for buying's sake. But I agree that a voucher would go down well and make me feel less worried.

Am just about to spend twice as much on DF for Christmas as my DM. I've seen a present that he'll love. DM will know the difference in price, but she won't mind. I'd much rather buy the most appropriate present for someone, something that they want, than spend more money on tat that they don't want just to balance out the finances.

What about a drawing board for his planning sketches? Nothing says inventor like peering over a drawing board...also although hobby craft is great if you've got an independent store near you or even better an art college/uni with a student place nearby you might get lots of things that you've never even thought of. Don't forget things like craft wire, glue dots, foam sheets, A1 paper, enough pva to have a bath in (get it from a hardware shop for the big bottles...). Oh my, that would have rocked my world. I realised being a grown up was going to be ok on my first office temp job when I was introduced to the stationery catalogue...

Just another random thought, does he have a camera to photograph what he makes/collect ideas with? Needn't be an expensive one but my grown up friend who still makes things like this loves his camera phone for documenting and idea collecting.

scholes but that is for adults.

Kids have an innate sense of perceived fairness. It doesn't need to cost the same but it must look fair.

If DS won't notice then that's fine, but Op you say DD will notice, but not say anything. That's not a good thing in my book. You want ALL children to think you have no favourites all of the time.

Sorry OP - the voucher will even things out.

The problem is, what you've described doesn't sound 'special' enough to me.

I like it when my DC ask for less materialistic presents, and I try to be sure they don't feel like mugs for saying 'crafting stuff' rather than providing a cut out from the Argos catalogue iyswim.

The litmus test is: how many of those items might find their way into your shopping basket on a walk around a big TESCO? It's not about price matching, but 'bragging rights' matching.

"what did you get for Christmas"
"I got inline skates"
" I got paper and Sellotape"

It's a bit for a 10 y.o., don't you think?

even if you do go to a skip and find 'inventing stuff' I think itd be better.

Why don't you want to spend any more on him when you've happily spent £100 each on your daughters?

Once again, thanks for all the ideas. I don't have a crafty/artistic bone in my body so it's not coming easily to me to think what to buy.

He has a camera on his nintendo DS which he uses to take photos, but he also wants to keep everything he makes!

It's not that I don't want to spend on him, it's a combination of not spending on things that he doesn't even want, and also what to even buy (although have more ideas thanks to you lot). As I said, the dcs already have the same number of gifts, it's the difference in cost that I'm worried will be noticed. I hope that DS won't feel that his gift isn't "special" - oh dear, such a lot of pressure with gift-giving!

YANBU and I speak from experience. All through my childhood my mother would be in a panic because my siblings Xmas gifts would add up to more than mine. They wanted labeled clothes and electrical gadgets, I didn't and it made me feel uncomfortable having to think of more to add to my Xmas list when I didn't need or want anything. He's asked for crafts that's what you've got him, you know your son and if you know he will be happy then don't panic. A voucher for future use.could be fun so he can choose his own items.

I was always the child that chose the 50p ice lolly and not the £2 ice cream, some people have simple tastes and don't need a lot of money spent on them.

Christmas shouldn't need this much debate , don't feel that you have to buy something for the sake of buying it . You know your own children ,if you think what you've got is what will make your son happy leave it at that .

mrswishywashy I was a bit like that too as a child, still am I suppose. DD1 is actually the one who never knows what she wants and doesn't want much - she decided on the skates eventually but she actually needs them anyway for her roller hockey club and is having to squeeze into old skates until Christmas. DS is always very definite about what he wants but this time what he wants is just very cheap to buy.

AGree that you should even it up a bit. Model air crafts for him to make etc. Spoil the little thing, I reckon!

how about a drawing board? very grown up looking and less expensive than a desk... my brother had one when we were a similar age and I was very jealous!!

www.amazon.co.uk/Bertram-Scoot-Drawing-parallel-motion/dp/B002T50RBQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1354793888&sr=8-2

whilst I don't think you need to spend the same on each child, I think his present sounds a bit poor (sorry!)

At the moment you have got him all the bits he has asked for but at not much more cost you could get him some unusual bits as suggested above. It would be nice to have something a bit more 'surprise'

Has he got storage for his craft stuff? Just a set of plastic drawers that he can label and keep his bits in - nothing expensive.

www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/2671231.htm

or something like this (not sure how into detailed work he is)

Drawing board thing great idea!

Oh, I don't think it's about the comparitive cost, I think it's about having something that is less predicatable and more surprising than the box of paper and sellotape he has asked for.

Not sure about the drawing board - he only writes and draws when he has to for homework.

How about some origami paper?

Agree with those who say you could spend more on craft stuff - I could spend a fortune!! I would also be tempted to buy him a really big lockable box to keep it all in, maybe with a padlock (you'd have to keep a spare key somewhere safe obvs), since from your OP he seemed particularly concerned that this stuff was his and not to be shared with his sisters.

Would you like some wool scraps sent down to add to his box? I have a few different colours and could send you a metre or two of each?

Also, not sure if it's been mentioned but DP suggested a desk for him to do his craft at. If price is an issue freecycle is a good place to start for those.

Wool would be great, thank you.

These are some inventions/experiments we've had recently: (as I understand them, which is probably totally not what he intended them to be)

String tied between 2 chairs with straws threaded onto the string. Balloons were blown up and the air inside them somehow made the straws move along. That one got left there for days and I heard various family members cursing as they walked into the string.

Coins and magnets taped onto paper - not sure what that was.

Plastic containers stuck together in a row for collecting bugs then feeding them different things stolen from my kitchen, and noting down how long it took them to eat the different foods.

Many sheets of paper stuck together then tied with string to make a pulley between 2 windows - used for transporting soft toys.

Many different robots/monsters made from boxes. Also all different kinds of paper aeroplanes, with paper clips etc on the tails to alter their speed.

I'm sure you get the idea!