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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to spend much less on one of my dcs than the others at Christmas?

172 replies

handsandknees · 06/12/2012 09:19

3 dcs - DD1(11), DS(almost 10) and DD2(7). I want to be fair. I try to be fair.

DD1 has asked for inline skates for Christmas. I've also bought her Trivial Pursuit which I know she wants but isn't expecting and few bits and pieces - books, backpack, t-shirt. DD2 has asked for a Design-a-Friend doll so she's getting that plus extra outfit for the doll and I've also bought her a doll's seat for her bike, and some bits and pieces. The extras are basically things they need which they would get anyway but I know they will like them. I've probably spent about £80-£100 each on them including stocking chocs etc.

DS has asked for a box of craft things, which will be only his and which he won't have to share with his sisters. He has specified paper, tape, string, stapler - that kind of stuff. I've bought a box and filled it up - I spent less than £15. I also bought him 3 books and some chocs but have only spent about £30 in total. He isnt that into books but I've tried to pick ones I think he will like. He loves chocolate/sweets so will be happy with those. He's never been interested in toys - he prefers to make things and I know if I buy more toys for him he will ignore them. He isn't interested in clothes either and doesn't need a new backpack.

The dcs have the same number of presents to open. Is this ok? Do dcs notice the value of gifts at this age or just the number?

OP posts:
Original poster
handsandknees · 06/12/2012 12:42

And just realised - birthday next month and I have to think of another gift!

OP posts:
honeytea · 06/12/2012 12:52

Your DS sounds great fun!

I think if he won't notice then you don't need to worry about the cost, as a child I was more worried about the number/size of gifts rather than the price.

My Dsis is 9 and she really enjoys the make your own science experiment kits from the science museum.

www.amazon.co.uk/Great-Gizmos-4143-Science-Museum/dp/B000H5V084

www.amazon.co.uk/Science-Museum-Cosmic-Jet-Racer/dp/B000296MW4/ref=pd_sim_k_h_b_cs_6

www.amazon.co.uk/Science-Museum-Green-Drinks-Robug/dp/B000OOKCU0/ref=pd_sim_k_h_b_cs_4

www.amazon.co.uk/Science-Museum-Spy-Intruder-Alarm/dp/B000FCM0B0/ref=pd_sim_k_h_b_cs_6

www.amazon.co.uk/Great-Gizmos-4371-Doodling-Robot/dp/B001W03NWO/ref=pd_sim_k_h_b_cs_16

I think he would be able to customise these a little more than with a airfix model. Also it is maybe something he could do on christmas day rather than unpacking his craft box right away.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 06/12/2012 12:56

I think that with 'craft stuff' you have so much you could buy, that it seems really a bit mean to have bought him so little compared to his sisters. It's not as if he's asked for something that is price limited (such as say the Box Set of Harry Potter). Kids go through tons of paper/selotape/glue/string/wool/straws etc - there's no way you could have bough a good supply of that (plus stapler, box etc) for £15. You could also get him lots of 'bits' - wheels, magnets, washers... I would find it hard not to spend more on him that the girls tbh.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 06/12/2012 12:57

Don't worry about his birthday, just sort Christmas then discuss with him what he would actually like, that he hasn't just got, for his birthday. He's a whole year older, he might like more of the science project type things now.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 06/12/2012 12:59

go mad and get him paints, felts, glitter, card, pastels chalks serrogated scissors, you're lucky to have a creativechild, I know you can spend a bomb on craft stuff, so spend a bit more :) I do think it will be an obvious difference between him and his sisters otherwise

Brycie · 06/12/2012 13:04

Have you thought about buying him a tool kit and by tool kit I mean - a drill. He is old enough to use a drill with supervision I think. Woudl it be useful for him?

blackcurrants · 06/12/2012 13:04

hands I don't have any specific ideas but I do have some experience of the gift / fairness discrepancy, and how my Dmum handled it, so in case it helps:

My sister was horse-mad, and we were lucky enough to live on a farm and have ponies. Pony-things are REALLY expensive, and sometimes she would ask for a blanket or bit of tack or something when I (into books and drama and crafts) would want two books and some double-sided sticky tape. Dmum didn't try to even up everything at every birthday/Christmas, but she DID keep a mental fund of what she'd outspent on Dsis, and use the equivalent money on me at odd times throughout the year. So, for example, Dsis got something pricey and horsey for her xmas present, I got the books I wanted and a lovely new skirt or something. Then, out of the blue in April, Dmum would say "ooh, blackcurrants, The RSC is doing "Hamlet" and they're touring in Newcastle. Shall we go, for a treat, just you and me?" and that was terribly exciting and special, and I treasure those memories.

That was how she played it (though I don't think I noticed it at the time) - and both Dsis and I have lovely memories of treats and time spent with just Mum.

So I wonder if you can mentally bank the sixty quid, and use it to take him to the science museum one weekend, or an inventors expo, or something? "just because" ?

hattifattner · 06/12/2012 13:04

have a look here - my 10yo is similar to yours, and we have found many sciencey based toys for him here every year....

Please dont spend less on him - hes not a baby and he will know. Being a boy amongst 2 girls and getting a cheap pressie will really make him feel unloved.

Brycie · 06/12/2012 13:05

Your son sounds amazing. Can you get down B and Q and pick up pulleys, hooks, cogs, real stuff to make real things.

greebo · 06/12/2012 13:10

Have you got one of these www.scrapstoresuk.org/ nearby?

Bluestocking · 06/12/2012 13:11

How about a couple of books for young inventors? Here's one and I'm sure there must be lots more out there.

Original poster
handsandknees · 06/12/2012 13:12

blackcurrants that is lovely, my dcs love time alone with me or DH too.

Thanks for links - off to look now....

Brycie B&Q idea is genius. He would like bits from there even more than paper etc. But a drill....really?!

OP posts:
Original poster
handsandknees · 06/12/2012 13:16

We gave him a book of science experiments a while back. He has read it but he prefers to come up with his own ideas. I've never met a child who hates taking direction as much as DS! He is pretty amazing - he actually struggles a lot at school but I feel there's a big "watch this space" with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
handsandknees · 06/12/2012 13:17

Oh wow AnnIonic if I show him that website I will never hear the end of it.

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 06/12/2012 13:17

Ooh yes, I think so. I think 10 is a pretty good to learn about knives, fire, and other such tools. Children are remarkably good at being 'responsible' with grown-up tools if it is stressed WHY you think they are grown up enough to use them unsupervised, and WHAT will happen the moment they aren't responsible ;)

But then, you might need to ignore me for a bonkersperson, because I let my toddler use a (not too sharp but not blunt) knife to help me in the kitchen. I think a lot of people underestimate what children can actually do.

greebo · 06/12/2012 13:18

Can you take him here www.thebigbangfair.co.uk/home.cfm lots of scientists and inventors to meet

ReallyTired · 06/12/2012 13:19

I think it would horrid not to spend a comparable amount on your son. It will cause resentment for years to come. If you are really stuck for ideas then give him some hard cash.

Original poster
handsandknees · 06/12/2012 13:22

Big bang fair looks great - is it really free?

OP posts:
CarlingBlackMabel · 06/12/2012 13:23

I like the B&Q idea. Rope, pulley blocks, also things for holding stuff tightly together - clamps that can be applied in different places, for clamping things to chair backs, cable ties are very useful, hole punch and eyelet kit

MrsMerryMeeple · 06/12/2012 13:23

I think they are aware of unfairness. Just make sure the difference isn't too much.

And I would be careful that DSs present isn't too "expendable", so after a couple of months he's used all his materials, but the dds still have theirs. Add more tools or equipment maybe.

I was going to add "drawing table" but I see others got in first. If he's worried about not having to share, what about another big box for his creations? Also helps contain the mess!

Pilgit · 06/12/2012 13:27

I don't think you're being unreasonable, however when it comes to people like you DS and budding inventors it might be nice to put a bit more thought into what can be done to encourage the inventiveness and the scientific discovery. Perhaps some log books for his experiments (the bug one sounds fab - he'll want to keep the data) the table and lamp idea sounds great as well. What I would then do (but I'm a bit of a weirdo like this) is then wrap everything up with little cryptic notes attached to explain why you've bought it. If he's in to mythbusters (one of my DH's favourite programmes....) maybe his very own buster - one of those art dolls that artists use for practice life drawing (they are about a foot tall - not lifesize); do you have space for some storage for his inventions so he can display them?

Does he like computers? You can get programmable usb drives for lego so that you can build your own robots (think robot wars) does require learning some basic programming languages - but could be the next level for inventiveness.

But it's not about the cost - it is about getting them what they really want (even if they don't actually know they want it) and the fact that you've put thought into taking his list and then going a step further will make him feel very special. However, don't spend money for the sake of it - there's absolutely no point in that. He sounds like a lot of fun!

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 06/12/2012 13:30

OP - your DS sounds exactly like my DMIL describes my DH as a kid. Bits of wood, paper, glue, balloons, string, water, sheets of perspex - happy as larry. He does not remember one single toy that he played with as a child aside from Lego. He reads very little & almost exclusively non fiction. He does things his own way and is (quietly and gently) extremely stubborn!

Computers were the breakthrough for him - he's been programming since he was four and now builds robots. I don't know how that translates into Christmas presents, but on the plus side if he follows my DH pattern he will grow up to be a lovely man and marry a nice lady Grin.

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 06/12/2012 13:32

Ha x-post with Pilgit!