to think it's childish to wait outside?

[forbiddenfruit85]

Friend was early meeting me today for lunch, so instead of going inside the restaurant and getting a table and maybe ordering a drink she decided to wait outside in the cold for 15 minutes by herself.

I know quite a few people that would prefer to wait outside until one of their party comes. I find this a bit silly and childish.

I'd have no problem going into a restaurant by myself and ordering a drink whilst I waited.

Nickel, I misunderstood you. I thought you were saying that it takes loads of courage in general, not that you were referring specifically to yourself.

Oh, half of my post disappeared.

How do you know she waited outside for 15 minutes?

YANBU, it drives me mad when people do this.

"Oh, I didn't want to go into the big scary restaurant all on my own! It's too scary for me! I'm shy!"

GET
A
FUCKING
GRIP

Did you think she was martyring herself a bit being so early and making you feel guilty?

thank you morris :)
i don't love a private life and most people i know think I'm very confident.
they also think i blurt stuff out or talk too much. mainly because with people i don't know well, i have to push myself to speak and then ut all comes out in a rush.
i am a lot better than i was but mainly with things i HAVE to cope with.
like, i always used to make my siter take things to the till for me but when i went to unit i had to do it myself. now i either blur out random crap to the cashier and blush about it for the rest of the day or say nothing at all.
it's Easier with friends and it's easier facetoface in my own shop .

cheers holla, that helps.
oh look I'm magically cured.

I travelled and worked alone abroad. It was my choice to go alone.

I plucked up the courage to go and eat alone and it was absolutely fine. And I did it again a few more times too.

If I ever got pitying looks, it made me pity the other person more.

A few of my friends would willingly wait outside in freezing weather for someone purely because they can't face walking into a restaurant alone. I think sometimes in most circumstances you just have to man up.

I think it's daft and counterproductive to wait outside, where you're more conspicuous, loitering, than you would be, indoors, having a drink and looking at the menu, that being what cafes are for. If it makes the friend feel better, though, it's not hurting anyone.

People have foibles, all of them. You can still like the "overall package" of a friend while thinking that certain things they do are a bit silly. The friend probably thinks the same about you in other ways. No biggie, as the OP said, but yes, a bit odd and a bit pathetic, in my opinion.

I know what you mean... it's more a bit feeble than childish. I wouldn't want to insult children. Each to their own really; there are many different sorts of people out there.

I'm like you though; I would get supping and ensure I headed out with a book.

martyring, feeble, childish and counterproductive..?? because someone prefers a different way than you?

Well it definitely is counter productive.

Person standing doing nowt on a pavement would draw more looks than a person in an eaterie or bar, behaving like a customer.

Yup. It makes me respect them less, if I'm honest.

Just came back to this thread.

My friend was not waiting outside because she thinks it is the polite thing to do. She was waiting outside because she was didn't want to go into a restaurant alone.
She would rather be cold and wet.
I know loads of people who are like this. It does not bother me that people do this I just find it extremely odd.

Of course there are exceptions. But seriously grow a pair of balls and go and sit at a table in the warm and wait. Who cares if anyone looks at you?!

But please continue with the flaming ...

OP: AIBU?
Some of MN: Yes
OP: No, I'm not and you're all thick!

I think it is quite childish to not have the confidence to go and get a table. Or it is exceedingly arrogant anyway, to think that total strangers in a pub think so much of you to give a shit about you getting a table on your own. News flash, no one cares...

Go in, ask for a table for 2, get menu, order a drink if you like then much about on your phone if you can't face just sitting there

someone upthread spoke of the "humiliation" of going into a cafe/restaurant/whatever and finding your friend isn't there yet
WTAF??

To be fair crashdoll the only people I called thick were the ones who said I was rude for being late, when I wasn't even late.

They are thick because they clearly cannot read.

O.P YANBU.

I know some people have social anxiety, but that aside, I cannot bear the idea, particularly amongst women, that it is a huge mark of shame to be in any social situation alone.

It's that fear of being alone which leads to women putting up which crap relationships, because they see being on their own as the worse thing possible.

If you seriously think that everyone will look at you with pity if you enter a restaurant alone, you need to get some perspective and self confidence.

Pity her - it?s really isn't great to lack the self-confidence to walk into places. I know I've been there.

I know many people just don't 'get' why other struggle with things they don't think about - but I never asked to be born shy and never asked to be raise by very loving but very critical parents or be bullied most of my school life.

Having said that often I 'felt the fear and did it anyway' and then encounter people who were very intimidating, rude or plain nasty. Now I can think 'fuck of' in that period of my life I'd worry about such things for weeks afterwards and would struggle to try again.

During my life I've learnt many copying strategies and experienced many different settings - something as young adult restaurants and pubs and night clubs were very alien places - so now wait comfortably so it can be done.

Meeting them somewhere they are happy might stop it ? somewhere you always meet or just accept it?s the way it is and ignore.

I think YABU - whether your friend waited outside or inside is completely irrelevant to you. It feels a bit wrong to be thinking of her as childish, whether you said it to her face or not.

nigella
yeah and some people are scared shitless of spiders but i don't diss them

It's that fear of being alone which leads to women putting up which crap relationships, because they see being on their own as the worse thing possible

Or they don't find a sports team to play for, or the evening class they want to do, or even go clothes shopping at te weekend if there's no one to do it with them.

So Sad that so many women can Do. Anything. Alone.

My life would be a lot poorer in experiences and enjoyment if I hadn't done lots of things on my 'own'.

Whois - so, so true!

Where does this fear of being alone come from? Why ?

coming to this late..
I am alright with doing things on my own..now..but it has taken me years and therapy to have the courage to enter a pub, movie, or party alone. For me it was the terror of having all eyes on me. I always feared that those already in place would find me lacking..I guess going into an unfamiliar place without the protection and deflection of a mate was torture to me..
I do believe YABU. She is making the choices in her life for her own reasons..

YABU If she's a friend, why are you not :( instead of
I've got no problem walking into anywhere on my own, but a few of my mates would wait outside too, I would never think less of them, you don't sound like a very nice friend.