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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is this a strange thing to say to a child?

161 replies

Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 14:42

I was dropping my 2yr old at nursery this morning; to get in you go through a gate and down a passage where there is an outdoor cupboard where the buggies are stored before you get to the entrance to the building. So this morning as I'm folding the buggy down my dd knocks on the cupboard door and says something like 'hello, who's in there'. A man (not a parent of another child) says 'ooo it's a monster, that's where the monsters live'. I just brush over this with dd saying something like he's just joking there's no monsters then turn to him and say 'please don't say that I her, what a daft thing to say to a small child'. He then basically said I was being ridiculous and a fool', to which my well thought out comeback was 'no, you are'.

Anyway I take dd upstairs and settle her into nursery, when I came down I went out another way (I needed to use the toilets) that took me through reception. The same man was there chatting to the receptionist, obviously about me as when I came in he said 'oh here she is'. To which I just said 'excuse me!' He then went on to say 'I think there must have been some misunderstanding earlier', I replied 'no misunderstanding you told my 2yr old there was a monster in a cupboard she has to walk past everyday and I asked you not to'. He then went on to say that he worked with children and that scaring them with talk of monsters and then discussing and overcoming fear was a strategy they used. I then said that even if that was true he wasn't in some kind of therapy session with my dd it was a comment to a child that he had no idea about. He then accused me of only saying anything because he was a man and I wouldn't have said anything to a women. I asked why could he just not accept that it was an ill thought out comment and apologise, he just carried on trying to defend what he did so I just walked off then.

Was I wrong? Should I have just let it go?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 22/11/2012 14:45

To be honest, the original comment wouldn't have bothered me at all (DD is 2yo)

I'd let it go.

WileyRoadRunner · 22/11/2012 14:45

Yabu

squeakytoy · 22/11/2012 14:45

yes, you should have just let it go...

MariaMandarin · 22/11/2012 14:46

He was only joking. Don't take it so seriously. Children's books are full of monsters and the like. I'm impressed that he managed to come back with such a great rationalisation of his actions. Most people would have been left standing scratching their head and wondering what they did wrong.

Sirzy · 22/11/2012 14:47

Seems like an over reaction From you

InNeedOfBrandy · 22/11/2012 14:47

YABU I cannot believe someone interacting and having a giggle with your very PFB and you react like that. Shock WTF is wrong with you?

Tee2072 · 22/11/2012 14:48

OMG yes, let it go. YABU

Shallishanti · 22/11/2012 14:48

up until he claimed you were complaining because he was a man, I'd have said YWBU. It's just a fantasy isn't it, he wasn't acting scared himself was he? I think he was just inviting your dd to join in with make believe. It's what fairy stories are about, learning that you can cope with the 'scary'

MrsWooster · 22/11/2012 14:48

No, YANBU, he's an arse. Someone (cm??) has introduced monsters to our 2.4 year old and it's taken long hard bullshitting good parenting to make them non-scary in a Monsters Inc styly, rather than something that properly put the willies up him. The man (or woman - gender is irrelevant here) had no right to raise a potential spectre for a child about/with whom he has no context or future contact.

BananaBubbles · 22/11/2012 14:48

YABVU and incredibly precious.

SunflowersSmile · 22/11/2012 14:49

I probably would have let it go BUT he is being an arse to keep going on about it. He should have said sorry to have upset you and he should have moved on....

InNeedOfBrandy · 22/11/2012 14:49

Do you not read stories to your dd or let her watch films? After all the big bad wolf could pop up.

bialystockandbloom · 22/11/2012 14:50

Um, sounds like he was doing that thing called, you know, having a bit of fun with a child. YABU and overthinking this somewhat, no?

Everlong · 22/11/2012 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yani · 22/11/2012 14:51

He was being friendly and playful.
YABU.

FunnysInLaJardin · 22/11/2012 14:51

yabu. If that had happened to me I would have laughed along with him and thought how nice he was to engage my child in a game. My DC have never been scared by this sort of thing and why would they when they see that my reaction is to laugh. You may well have made the whole thing miles worse OP

Alligatorpie · 22/11/2012 14:52

I think he was totally inappropriate. As you pointed out, he is not her therapist and it is not his right to try to scare her out of any fears she may have.

Yanbu

flossy101 · 22/11/2012 14:52

I Can see what you are saying... but think I would have let it go.

PromQueenWithin · 22/11/2012 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missymoomoomee · 22/11/2012 14:53

YABVVVVU and then some.

BartletForTeamGB · 22/11/2012 14:54

Wouldn't have bothered me at all. One of DS's favourite games is to pretend to be a monster and roar at us and then laugh as we pretend to be scared. Then he asks us to be monsters and chase him and finds it all hilarious.

treas · 22/11/2012 14:55

Another child for the bubble wrap

CremeEggThief · 22/11/2012 14:56

I think he was the inappropriate one. YANBU for your reaction, but YABU if you dwell on it.

Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 14:56

Ok seems majority rules and IWBU.

He certainly didn't say it in a jokey kind of voice though. Don't think I was being 'precious' though I just said please don't say that to her, he was the one who took it further and later in reception he engaged me, I was just walking past him.

OP posts:
CindySherman · 22/11/2012 14:58

I see your point. But I would just leave it he sounds rather petulant.

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