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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is this a strange thing to say to a child?

161 replies

Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 14:42

I was dropping my 2yr old at nursery this morning; to get in you go through a gate and down a passage where there is an outdoor cupboard where the buggies are stored before you get to the entrance to the building. So this morning as I'm folding the buggy down my dd knocks on the cupboard door and says something like 'hello, who's in there'. A man (not a parent of another child) says 'ooo it's a monster, that's where the monsters live'. I just brush over this with dd saying something like he's just joking there's no monsters then turn to him and say 'please don't say that I her, what a daft thing to say to a small child'. He then basically said I was being ridiculous and a fool', to which my well thought out comeback was 'no, you are'.

Anyway I take dd upstairs and settle her into nursery, when I came down I went out another way (I needed to use the toilets) that took me through reception. The same man was there chatting to the receptionist, obviously about me as when I came in he said 'oh here she is'. To which I just said 'excuse me!' He then went on to say 'I think there must have been some misunderstanding earlier', I replied 'no misunderstanding you told my 2yr old there was a monster in a cupboard she has to walk past everyday and I asked you not to'. He then went on to say that he worked with children and that scaring them with talk of monsters and then discussing and overcoming fear was a strategy they used. I then said that even if that was true he wasn't in some kind of therapy session with my dd it was a comment to a child that he had no idea about. He then accused me of only saying anything because he was a man and I wouldn't have said anything to a women. I asked why could he just not accept that it was an ill thought out comment and apologise, he just carried on trying to defend what he did so I just walked off then.

Was I wrong? Should I have just let it go?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 22/11/2012 20:19

Yabu it was nt a strange thing. Your a bit ott tbh

Ullena · 22/11/2012 20:20

What a strangely obsessed man...why did he keep going about it? Surely if a parent asks you not to mention something to their child, then you should respect their decision?

I am going to be rubbish at this part of parenting...will probably end up bellowing like a drill sergeant at anyone silly enough to inadvertently frighten the DC, lol! But then my parents used methods like this man's and I ended up convinced that our house was haunted. That's pretty scary when you are 6 Sad

Wanders off to practice bellowing Grin

mummytime · 22/11/2012 20:42

YANBU - sorry everyone but for some kids this would terrify them. What if the kid had ASD and took everything literally, or even my youngest who could easily have decided to take him seriously and be scared to walk past that door. (Or even me who as a child made up stories about a witch living in a room in our house, and had to run past it everytime.)

This would be unsuitable for some children.
He is very unprofessional.
But actually he is also someone who can't take criticism (I am glad I'm not married to him).

TheNebulousBoojum · 22/11/2012 20:51

'What if the kid had ASD?'

Well, I described what happened with mine!

Haemadoots · 22/11/2012 20:58

Yanbu, he had no reason to say that, dd1 would dwell on this, however dd2 would give it a second thought

Fairyegg · 22/11/2012 20:59

If I just had my ds I would say yabu, ds brushes off and even enjoys any talk about witches, ghosts, mobsters etc. however dd is totally different. This would of petrified her and I would have been most annoyed with a stranger saying such a thing to her, so Yanbu. My bet was he didn't think about what he said, I wouldn't have done either before having dd. I'm now very careful!

Fairyegg · 22/11/2012 21:00

Monsters, not mobsters!

Smeeeinit · 22/11/2012 21:03

Omg how ridiculous and over previous you are being.
Poor bloke was being friendly!
Jesus Christ have you ever read the Gruffalo?!
YABVU

claraschu · 22/11/2012 21:04

Most people are afraid to talk to children these days because parents are so overprotective. You could easily have turned this into a joke with your child.

FourthTimeAround · 22/11/2012 21:06

"What if the kid had ASD?"
Dunno. But I do know - because I read the OP - that this chap made his comment after the girl knocked on a cupboard door and asked "hello, who's in there?" indicating clearly she was possessed of a cheeky sense of humour and up for a bit of fun.

Even if she hadn't, how on earth can anyone think it a "daft" thing to say to a child? Of course he was joking - it was a frequently-used pram store, not a locked door in a basement. It seems to me the chance of inducing trauma through this jape was so small as to be statistically forgettable. OP, do you not feel you got this wrong? Is there possibly a degree of cotton-wooling going on here? I also noticed you used the phrase "settle my child"... Why not just say "I dropped her off"?..

Everlong · 22/11/2012 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smeeeinit · 22/11/2012 21:15

everlong no I've never had a child screaming because of "frigging monsters" because my children were bought up to know there's no such thing as monsters Hmm

footflapper · 22/11/2012 21:16

I agree with you everlong I would of mouthed 'dick' at him, then left it..
BTW i've just gone from page 1 to here Smile

TheNebulousBoojum · 22/11/2012 21:16

Interesting variety of opinions.
I've taught children that were afraid of all sorts of odd things, or wary at least.
I don't tend to generalise from one child to another, or assume that if child A is ok with something scary, then of course child B should also be fine.
And if I've upset a parent by a tactless comment, I apologise because although I might have though that she was being silly, it is polite to accept that different people have different boundaries about what is acceptable, and it isn't worth an argument.

CrapBag · 22/11/2012 21:16

Actually I don't think YABU, you asked him not to say it, he was the one who then went on to spread the story on and go on about it. He sounds like a bit of an idiot.

Some children would be scared by what he said, some wouldn't. DS isn't a particularly nervous child but after had him waking up with some horrible screaming fits and dreaming about god knows what, I wouldn't have liked someone to put this idea into his head either.

This is not PFB at all.

MrsHelsBels74 · 22/11/2012 21:17

This thread has really made me think, it's the sort of thing I would say to a random child but now I'm not so sure. I certainly wouldn't respond the way this man did if I was told not to say it. But on the other hand I'd probably be embarrassed & therefore maybe a bit defensive.

CrapBag · 22/11/2012 21:18

Smeeeinit my DS knows witches aren't real but it doesn't stop him waking up screaming about them flying around his bedroom.

You can tell children things aren't true, doesn't stop their overactive imaginations.

TheNebulousBoojum · 22/11/2012 21:18

'everlong no I've never had a child screaming because of "frigging monsters" because my children were bought up to know there's no such thing as monsters'

Neither of mine were afraid of the dark, or being left with other people whilst I pushed off for a few hours. Does that mean that no one else's child should be either?

Everlong · 22/11/2012 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smeeeinit · 22/11/2012 21:22

I agree everlong most of this thread is a load of Bollocks. A load of wimpy mums being over precious....
Fucking pathetic parenting.

HELPMyPooIsStuck · 22/11/2012 21:25

Ou made a tit of yourself.

TheNebulousBoojum · 22/11/2012 21:26

Is that what you tell the parents of the children you childmind Smee?
Or do you just mock them behind their backs if their 2 year olds are afraid of monsters?

Everlong · 22/11/2012 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNebulousBoojum · 22/11/2012 21:31

See!
There are monsters around. Grin
Looks like a smiley apple-cheeked old lady, but wait a while...

EscapeInTheCity · 22/11/2012 21:43

I am Shock at the reaction of this man tbh.

Here is a guy who says that he is working with children??? That they are using the 'monster talk' to work with children so they overcome fear.
Then surely if he is working with children on fear he should know that you never never start a process like this and stop it just at the start when you have frightened the child (or might have frightened the child) wo caring on on the bit about 'how to overcome their fear'.
That and the fact he felt he needed to go and complain about the OP makes me think he actually is NOT a professional working with children, more likely a helper who thinks they know better than all the parents.

As for the OP, it is her choice as to what she wants to let her dc see & hear. If she doesn't want her child to hear about monsters, then that's her choice. I am not sure why this guy thought it was ok.

And who is to say that all children like monsters. Apparently all children (and adults) also like Dr WQho and I don't. I actually find it unsettling. Does it mean I leave in a bubble wrap??