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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is this a strange thing to say to a child?

161 replies

Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 14:42

I was dropping my 2yr old at nursery this morning; to get in you go through a gate and down a passage where there is an outdoor cupboard where the buggies are stored before you get to the entrance to the building. So this morning as I'm folding the buggy down my dd knocks on the cupboard door and says something like 'hello, who's in there'. A man (not a parent of another child) says 'ooo it's a monster, that's where the monsters live'. I just brush over this with dd saying something like he's just joking there's no monsters then turn to him and say 'please don't say that I her, what a daft thing to say to a small child'. He then basically said I was being ridiculous and a fool', to which my well thought out comeback was 'no, you are'.

Anyway I take dd upstairs and settle her into nursery, when I came down I went out another way (I needed to use the toilets) that took me through reception. The same man was there chatting to the receptionist, obviously about me as when I came in he said 'oh here she is'. To which I just said 'excuse me!' He then went on to say 'I think there must have been some misunderstanding earlier', I replied 'no misunderstanding you told my 2yr old there was a monster in a cupboard she has to walk past everyday and I asked you not to'. He then went on to say that he worked with children and that scaring them with talk of monsters and then discussing and overcoming fear was a strategy they used. I then said that even if that was true he wasn't in some kind of therapy session with my dd it was a comment to a child that he had no idea about. He then accused me of only saying anything because he was a man and I wouldn't have said anything to a women. I asked why could he just not accept that it was an ill thought out comment and apologise, he just carried on trying to defend what he did so I just walked off then.

Was I wrong? Should I have just let it go?

OP posts:
WitchOfEndor · 22/11/2012 14:58

YANBU, he doesn't know how your child would react to that at all. He should have apologised when you first spoke to him but like many people DH he doesn't want to admit he is in the wrong. He was even more out of line to try and get backup from someone else.

My DS wouldn't have been bothered because he likes pretending that dinosaurs / spiders / monsters are coming, but one of his friends would be near hysterical at the thought.

Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 14:58

That's the thing though he didn't know if dd would be upset or not, he was a stranger. And no she's definitely not 'one for the bube wrap'.

OP posts:
Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 15:03

*bubble wrap.

I'm not dwelling on it though, just fancied an AIBU point of view. Maybe i need the bubble wrap.

OP posts:
fromparistoberlin · 22/11/2012 15:03

LOL at everlong!!!

you are being a tad precious
but he is being a twat

you win, by a small fraction

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella · 22/11/2012 15:07

He sounds like a dick but wouldn't dwell on it.

mrskeithrichards · 22/11/2012 15:07

Fucking hell!

pictish · 22/11/2012 15:08

I more think it's a strange thing to take offence at, but that's just me.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 22/11/2012 15:11

Definite overreaction on the part of the OP here.

BuddyTheChristmasElf · 22/11/2012 15:11

you are going to turn her into a nervous scardy cat if noone can mention monsters etc in a playful way without you freaking out!

ClippedPhoenix · 22/11/2012 15:18

Oh for god sake op you over reacted. YABU

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/11/2012 15:19

as we say in Scotland you sound like a nippy sweetie I'm afraid

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/11/2012 15:22

DD would have loved it, she loves scary things. However he didn't know your DD so I might not have done it if I was him. Still YABabitU and precious. I know why though!

Spuddybean · 22/11/2012 15:26

i would be a bit curt with someone if they said that. people jokingly said things like that to me when i was small and i was terrified of the dark and the toilet flush (so much so i would wet myself rather than go to the loo on my own).

he also sounds like a twat to continue justifying it rather than just say 'oh sorry'.

Clearly i am very precious tho by the other comments on here - oh dear.

TroublesomeEx · 22/11/2012 15:26

Good grief. You completely overreacted. I don't think he was being a dick by explaining to the receptionist. If he works with children in a therapy capacity, he probably also has to deal with parents and he was preempting you complaining about him by explaining himself first.

People are going to talk to your child.

DeWe · 22/11/2012 15:28

Oh dear. I fear I have traumatised lots of pfb's parents...

Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 15:37

Umm ok firstly I already said I accepted that I may have been U.

Not once did I call him a dick, I just said I thought it was a strange thing to say to a small child (and I still do, there are friendlier ways to interact with a child).

And not once did I say I was going to complain about him. Although he called me ridiculous and a fool, when all I said was please don't say that to my child.

I know people will talk to my child and she quite happily chats back to them. She just happens to be more into Tangled than Monster Inc.

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 22/11/2012 15:45

I have 5 DCs and with four of them it wouldn't have mattered, but the other one would have had nightmares and been really upset by something like that. He's just so much more timid and imaginative that the others. That man had no way to tell what temperament your DD has and was an arse. Who thinks it's funny to try and scare a tiny child they don't even know and then insult her mother when she asks them to stop? Confused

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/11/2012 15:58

I don't think you were being unreasonable.

Some children would be distressed by this, others would find it funny and playful He should be more thoughtful.

He definitely should not have pressed the point after you challenged him on it.

CailinDana · 22/11/2012 16:01

I like when strangers try to be friendly and fun with my DS - I think it's nice. I would have played along and asked him about the monsters, but steered it towards friendly monsters with a nod and a wink. I think you overdid it a bit.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/11/2012 16:03

The OP is not being overprotective. She reacted appropriately by brushing over it with her child - that's not encouraging the child to be scared - and then asking the man not to be so insensitive.

That's not a therapeutic approach - sounds like rubbish to me.

It's not childish sensitivity that's wrong here. It's adult insensitivity

Nancy66 · 22/11/2012 16:04

Actually I think it is a stupid thing to say to a little kid.

silly sod

BeaWheesht · 22/11/2012 16:04

Oh god my sister was like you - pre emting things the dc might be afraid of. They ended up afraid of so many things .

Yabu

slartybartfast · 22/11/2012 16:05

who was the man?
was he a play therapist?

out of interest.
a worker there?

bondigidum · 22/11/2012 16:09

Woah. Yabu. Over reaction much?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/11/2012 16:11

Bartlet

You say:
"Wouldn't have bothered me at all. One of DS's favourite games is to pretend to be a monster and roar at us and then laugh as we pretend to be scared. Then he asks us to be monsters and chase him and finds it all hilarious"

I appreciate what you are saying. Being scared and mastaering that fear is part of childhood play,

But
You' know your child.Your child feels safe with you. This man didn't know this child

Your child instigates the game and you join in. The man instigated the game with a child he doesn't know