or is this a strange thing to say to a child?

[Itsaboatjack]

I was dropping my 2yr old at nursery this morning; to get in you go through a gate and down a passage where there is an outdoor cupboard where the buggies are stored before you get to the entrance to the building. So this morning as I'm folding the buggy down my dd knocks on the cupboard door and says something like 'hello, who's in there'. A man (not a parent of another child) says 'ooo it's a monster, that's where the monsters live'. I just brush over this with dd saying something like he's just joking there's no monsters then turn to him and say 'please don't say that I her, what a daft thing to say to a small child'. He then basically said I was being ridiculous and a fool', to which my well thought out comeback was 'no, you are'.

Anyway I take dd upstairs and settle her into nursery, when I came down I went out another way (I needed to use the toilets) that took me through reception. The same man was there chatting to the receptionist, obviously about me as when I came in he said 'oh here she is'. To which I just said 'excuse me!' He then went on to say 'I think there must have been some misunderstanding earlier', I replied 'no misunderstanding you told my 2yr old there was a monster in a cupboard she has to walk past everyday and I asked you not to'. He then went on to say that he worked with children and that scaring them with talk of monsters and then discussing and overcoming fear was a strategy they used. I then said that even if that was true he wasn't in some kind of therapy session with my dd it was a comment to a child that he had no idea about. He then accused me of only saying anything because he was a man and I wouldn't have said anything to a women. I asked why could he just not accept that it was an ill thought out comment and apologise, he just carried on trying to defend what he did so I just walked off then.

Was I wrong? Should I have just let it go?

I'm a teacher, I meet parents who are hard work every day. I wouldn't class the OP as one of them, but arseholes who can't admit they made a mistake and keep banging on about their reasons do get up my nose.

I dont think you were particularly unreasonable

If someone had said something like that to my DD1 aged 2 she would have laughed and played along with it

If someone had said it to DD2 aged 2 it would have terrified her and she would have refused to walk past the cupboard for a week. It was one of her little foibles

I'm on the fence with this one.

DS1 would think this was funny and I would probably have thought he was a nice man for making up a silly story for a child.

But it occurs to me that my nephew who is a year older would quite probably have reacted extremely badly to this comment, and might have refused to walk past the cupboard or even go into nursery. We've had a bit of a problem with him getting hysterical at any mention of a certain well-known and child-friendly character as a result of an equally throw-away comment from his dad.

If this man works with children he should be aware that not every child will react positively to something like this. I'm not saying he was necessarily hugely unreasonable to say it, but I think he should have sucked it up and apologised, rather than trying to justify it with misplaced pychological explanations. He wasn't doing any sort of therapy - he made a throwaway comment that wasn't well-received.

On balance, I think you could perhaps have let it go with a bit less of a challenge, but he was unreasonable to try to justify it as he did.

Yanbu. Unlike rather a lot of posters I've read the OP, twice to be on the safe side, and even without your extra info further down I'd have been annoyed with a total stranger behaving and speaking the way this man did.

I personally wouldn't have got worked up about this - I love it when people chat to my kids, and they aren't the sort to get scared about monster tales (more likely to plan an expedition to the cupboards to find them!)

But it sounds like the man behaved like a twat, not to just leave it and to go down the "it's because I'm a man" route.

Agree AIBU can have a middle ground - I think in this case you both were

I think you missed an opportunity to explain to your child that sometimes people say silly things, and that she will need to learn to ignore.

A 2 year old is old enough to understand that adults can be as silly as children can, and that the way to deal with it is to ignore it and not react.

And I say that as a Mum to what feels like a million children ( ) and have regularly had to pour oil on troubled waters.

Learning to ignore is a valuable life skill. Don't sweat the small stuff.

My DS wasn't frightened of monsters at all when he was 6. He knew that monsters are there to be fought and defeated, which is why he hit the monster.

You were being ridiculous, fool.

I tell kids there are monsters everywhere.

Tbh I told my son that there was a monster under his bed. I do not know why I told him that, it just came out.

Oh yeah Eeyore?
You do know that Mr T is terrified of flying?

My DD2 is scared of monsters, Dr Who, primeval, etc and she's 7. She was even petrified of the characters at Disneyland Paris (she's always had a bit of a thing about people dressed up). She'd be scared if someone told her monsters lived in her school cupboard even now.

Her sister loves all that stuff, is a massive Dr Who fan.

That man doesn't know my children so a jokey off the cuff comment which DD1 would laugh along with, would leave DD2 terrified and refusing to walk past the cupboard

A stranger wouldn't know which way a child would take it.

I wouldn't have made a fuss, I'd have left it as 'oh, there's no monsters in there, look', but the bloke acted like a plonker by keeping on going on about it

I don't think that your initial reaction was over the top to be honest. I wouldn't be impressed if someone took it upon themselves to scare my child.

I wouldn't say this to someone elses child (even if I knew them)

It was him that acted all defensively afterwards

YANBU

I don't think he intended to upset your child and it's not really a strange thing to say - lots of kids like joking about monsters.

However, he did not know you or the child and their temperament. Also as it was drop off time at nursery there may not have been sufficient time to really explain things to your child (or work through discussing and overcoming their fears) if they had reacted badly.

All my kids would have joined in the monster fun and seen it as a joke. They know not to take things literally.

I would never say that sort of thing to a child I didn't know though. Some kids are over sensitive and silly things can effect them.

I think the conversation in the reception area was totally unnecessary on both sides. If anything you could have made the same point but in a lighter less accusing manner 'oh DD gets so scared about monsters, she often thinks they are under her bed and it worries her'

I think he wa BU. Becasue we don't know other people's children.

I visited a castle once with friend and our young dses. I told my boys that the dungeons were where they put the naughty people.

My dss were gruesomely delighted. Her ds went pale and refused to continue the tour of the castle. That night he had nightmares.

I felt awful. Weirdy Monster Man should too. Just because some children would see it as a joke, it doesn't mean every child will.

Well I think he's a twat and you were perfectly within your rights to ask another adult not to speak to your child in a way you were uncomfortable with.

YABU and you will now be known as the mummy with no sense of humour by the nursery staff