or is this a strange thing to say to a child?

[Itsaboatjack]

I was dropping my 2yr old at nursery this morning; to get in you go through a gate and down a passage where there is an outdoor cupboard where the buggies are stored before you get to the entrance to the building. So this morning as I'm folding the buggy down my dd knocks on the cupboard door and says something like 'hello, who's in there'. A man (not a parent of another child) says 'ooo it's a monster, that's where the monsters live'. I just brush over this with dd saying something like he's just joking there's no monsters then turn to him and say 'please don't say that I her, what a daft thing to say to a small child'. He then basically said I was being ridiculous and a fool', to which my well thought out comeback was 'no, you are'.

Anyway I take dd upstairs and settle her into nursery, when I came down I went out another way (I needed to use the toilets) that took me through reception. The same man was there chatting to the receptionist, obviously about me as when I came in he said 'oh here she is'. To which I just said 'excuse me!' He then went on to say 'I think there must have been some misunderstanding earlier', I replied 'no misunderstanding you told my 2yr old there was a monster in a cupboard she has to walk past everyday and I asked you not to'. He then went on to say that he worked with children and that scaring them with talk of monsters and then discussing and overcoming fear was a strategy they used. I then said that even if that was true he wasn't in some kind of therapy session with my dd it was a comment to a child that he had no idea about. He then accused me of only saying anything because he was a man and I wouldn't have said anything to a women. I asked why could he just not accept that it was an ill thought out comment and apologise, he just carried on trying to defend what he did so I just walked off then.

Was I wrong? Should I have just let it go?

Anyone who is NOT scared of those weeping angels in Dr Who wants their head examining

A 2 year old is old enough to understand that adults can be as silly as children can, and that the way to deal with it is to ignore it and not react.

Thank you Pinot, that's very sensible advice and probably something that I could do more of some times.

And there's been no lasting damage to dd as she has been quite happily dancing to the Military Wives choir and chatting to Gareth Malone after they turned on the Christmas lights on Bond St earlier tonight. :)

dikker

reading a Fairy story is completely different.

Smee

OK. Seems you don't have a good understanding of 2 year olds

OMG.
Have just read first page of this thread and am amazed.
YANBU.
You asked this man not to say that and he wouldn't respect your wishes and let it go. How rude, how unreasonable of him.

Thank fuck Smee isn't my childminder. With that disgusting attitude towards other peoples parenting.

age-related childhood fears

Occurring in all sorts of children, many of whom don't have "fucking pathetic" parents.

Here's that link

Why were you sure he was a stranger to DD ?

Well I am glad to hear your DD is ok boatjack and very very at you meeting Gareth! I would just love to chucchy his little cheeks and bring him home and snog feed him

My 2 yr old would have shat her pants at that silly man's remark. YANBU at all.

Didn't really have a problem with the first bit (the monsters) but he was U to go on about it, deliver an unsolicited parenting lecture and banging on about his amateur child psychology.

I think its more likely the nursery staff are thinking 'there's the pompous know all' than 'there's the precious Mum'.

Who was he anyway?

YANBU His comment, discussion w the reception staff, attempts to smooth it over Mr 1950s style with talk of "misunderstandings" and his assertion that it is part of some therapeutic approach is all extremely odd. What a tit!

There isn't just one issue here though is there? Whether you were right or wrong or precious or whatever, he seems to have shown himself to be a colossal twat in his response to you imo.

Calling you a 'fool' as the 2nd thing out of his mouth and then making a big song and dance at reception - basically slagging you off and telling them all how ridiculous you are. Not necessary and not professional if he's there for some sort of work.

And I was and still am a massive scaredy cat so I was in 'team precious' from the start anyway .

Captain no idea who he was.

Cumfy I know all the staff that work in the nursery and he doesn't and my dd doesn't tend to go off and meet other people on her own.

PomBear my friend who was with me also wanted to try and and take him home, she settled for a signed book though.

Jamie interesting link, thanks.

A 2 year old is old enough to understand that adults can be as silly as children can, and that the way to deal with it is to ignore it and not react

No they can't...they are in the (Piaget's) Pre-operational stage...short-hand for your DC cannot process information in a logical way. Someone says 'There's a monster in the cupboard' Then, to them, there IS a Monster in the cupboard.

IMO, This guy was a bit of a wanker, he made a stupid (I'd say he is not confident or experienced with young children) 'joke' that you, rightly, attempted to allay.

You later found him backing up HIS version as he was shitting himself when he realised he had fucked up (and you might complain) discussing it with a totally unrelated person.

You dealt with the incident rationally, I just hope that the other person realises something about childcare and child development from this, particularly if he has such seemingly free access to them without you being aware of his 'role'.

Good post Jiz

Also agree with schobe

I'm with the wanker school of thought, who on earth was he anyway? When my DD was 2.5 our childminder told her there were skeletons in cupboards - she had a phobia about skeletons (not now, she's 11!) and she was terrified and kept asking for reassurance that there were no skeletons in cupboards etc etc. When I asked the childminder about it quite innocently, she said it was my fault as "most people play games with their children and you don't" - erm??. 9 years on I'm still confused by her comment (but to be honest she was a shit childminder anyway.)

Random twat was a twat, I would have said exactly what you said (and a bit more) try to forget about it and think Gareth (as long as he's not expected to be hanging around there every day)(twat man I mean, not Gareth)

What pinot said @19.25.23.

But if someone was speaking to the staff about me i would like to know who he is and what has been said.

He's a bit of an idiot to say what he did to a child he does not know. He's a lot of an idiot to try and justify his actions and to get defensive and to attempt to get support to back up his idiocy.

I knew a two year old child who suffered from awful night terrors. His fear was terrible to see.

I was his elder sister (8yrs old) and used to tell horror stories to him and my sister as we lay in our beds at night.

I don't think he remembers it now. The twitch is barely noticable. He passes or normal most of the time.

Why was he there ?

He's not staff or a parent but (he says) he works with children.

"A 2 year old is old enough to understand that adults can be as silly as children can, and that the way to deal with it is to ignore it and not react

No they can't...they are in the (Piaget's) Pre-operational stage...short-hand for your DC cannot process information in a logical way. Someone says 'There's a monster in the cupboard' Then, to them, there IS a Monster in the cupboard."

This. My DS has a vivid imagination and is very trusting. Not in bubble wrap either. But if an adult told him something like that he'd believe it. He'd probably just want to see it and demand more details and exploration of the cupboard. Not all children have that attitude to monsters and the like, don't have to worked with children or have a qualification to know that.

The guy probably just thought he was being nice and engaging with a child, it's nice when members of the public take an interest in children. However if you work with children surely you'd be more aware of how some children would react very badly to jokes like this. Also the "here she is" comment and calling someone "ridiculous and a fool" because they asked you not to engage in a way that could cause upset.

He was NBU to try and engage your Daughter but he was unbelievably cack-handed about how he handled the rebuff. Also not sure how I'd feel about mobile fear therapy for my child on the walk into nursery .