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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is this a strange thing to say to a child?

161 replies

Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 14:42

I was dropping my 2yr old at nursery this morning; to get in you go through a gate and down a passage where there is an outdoor cupboard where the buggies are stored before you get to the entrance to the building. So this morning as I'm folding the buggy down my dd knocks on the cupboard door and says something like 'hello, who's in there'. A man (not a parent of another child) says 'ooo it's a monster, that's where the monsters live'. I just brush over this with dd saying something like he's just joking there's no monsters then turn to him and say 'please don't say that I her, what a daft thing to say to a small child'. He then basically said I was being ridiculous and a fool', to which my well thought out comeback was 'no, you are'.

Anyway I take dd upstairs and settle her into nursery, when I came down I went out another way (I needed to use the toilets) that took me through reception. The same man was there chatting to the receptionist, obviously about me as when I came in he said 'oh here she is'. To which I just said 'excuse me!' He then went on to say 'I think there must have been some misunderstanding earlier', I replied 'no misunderstanding you told my 2yr old there was a monster in a cupboard she has to walk past everyday and I asked you not to'. He then went on to say that he worked with children and that scaring them with talk of monsters and then discussing and overcoming fear was a strategy they used. I then said that even if that was true he wasn't in some kind of therapy session with my dd it was a comment to a child that he had no idea about. He then accused me of only saying anything because he was a man and I wouldn't have said anything to a women. I asked why could he just not accept that it was an ill thought out comment and apologise, he just carried on trying to defend what he did so I just walked off then.

Was I wrong? Should I have just let it go?

OP posts:
slartybartfast · 22/11/2012 16:13

there are big bad monsters on AIBU didnt you know ? Wink
you only come here if you are really brave

bringbacksideburns · 22/11/2012 16:13

I think YABU, spoke to him like a child and got his back up. But i think he's a bit of an arse.

Moominsarescary · 22/11/2012 16:15

Yabu

Dontbugmemalone · 22/11/2012 16:18

Well, I understand where you're coming from OP but I probably would have let it go. It's not worth the hassle in my opinion.

The man should have let it go, he sounds like he was defensive and was OTT.
You weren't asking him to assess your child.

Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 16:40

slartybartfast
I don't know who he was, he was certainly friendly enough with the reception staff that I assume they knew him quite well. There are other departments in the building as well as the nursery so he could well have worked there. I've not seen him before though.

Thanks to those who have seen things from my pov and convinced me I'm not completely mad.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/11/2012 16:47

"Thanks to those who have seen things from my pov "

typical AIBU thinking

Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 16:56

Oh give it up Fanjo, I've already accepted (twice) that I was being a bit U. But I don't think I was completely, as many people have agreed with me that he was being a bit U too.

I think that those who have said I was outrageously U and precious are being a bit over the top. There can be a middle ground you know.

I'm not being 'typical AIBU' I asked for opinions and I've listened to them.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/11/2012 16:59

"Oh give it up Fanjo"

Err, no Wink

BuddyTheChristmasElf · 22/11/2012 17:02

yeahhh well at least you learned him! he won't be making chit chat with any children in the future, after all its best for children to just be raised in an immediate family bubble!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/11/2012 17:10

not chit chat. Chit chat is lovely.

Itsaboatjack · 22/11/2012 17:58

That's it Fanjo you just focus on that bit, ignore the rest of what I said. As long as you can stay on your high horse up there. :)

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/11/2012 18:14

oh calm your pants

socharlotte · 22/11/2012 18:24

he was trying to have a bit of fun with her! I can't believe people on here who think he was out of order.

SugarplumMary · 22/11/2012 18:40

Ive had something similar with a stranger and an animal - older two DC went along with 'play fear' youngest now very scared of said animal- and we are having to try and get her over that - play it down.

I actually think you were surprisingly polite and direct with him while being firm.

Mintberry · 22/11/2012 18:41

I wouldn't really care about the monsters thing. Keeping them away from things like that will probably make them a little over sensitive to things like monsters, which are common in kids books/movies and such.

Though it does sound like he was rude to react that way to you. It's your prerogative what you want to keep your kid away from, and since he doesn't even know you, it's hardly for him to call you a fool in front of your own child. I would be pissed off about that.

LaCiccolina · 22/11/2012 18:47

Sorry but I'm with the OP.

He should b more sensible than that. And if he was a professional his reaction should have been "sorry" and left it there. He is after all supposed to b professional (professional arse by sounds of it!) To then go back and bad mouth a parent to another member of staff and then b brazen when said parent is around is also inviting a butt kicking.

I would complain to the manager about his behaviour. His orig comment is badly thought out playfulness but the rest stinks.

Yanbu!

MainlyMaynie · 22/11/2012 18:48

Your life must be quite exhausting if you 'challenge' all such innocently intended comments. You should just let these things go.

dikkertjedap · 22/11/2012 18:49

YABU. Are you also going to tell the Early Years Foundation team not to read stories of the Grimm Brothers to your dd?

Seabird72 · 22/11/2012 18:50

only you know how well your dd would react to a comment like that and if you know she would have been scared then you were right to pull him up on it. Even if what he said was true - which sounded quite good - you're right - your dd isn't in a class learning this with him so she wouldn't know. All kids are different and I suppose he was thinking most kids love talk about monsters - perhaps the best way to have handled it was to explain that you apprectae his explanation but your dd is afraid of monsters and since he wasn't dealing with her in his class it would have been best for him to not have said it - and then left it at that.

TheNebulousBoojum · 22/11/2012 18:55

I think the real issue I'd have is that he didn't apologise when the OP pointed out that she didn't like the comment, and that he kept rabbitting on about how it was a strategy that he used.
Complete crap, he didn't know the child or the parent, he made an error and whether she was being PFB or not, the polite and mature thing is to apologise and move on.
Like the dad in a monster mask who growled at my Aspie, who didn't understand masks, acting or things being two ideas at the same time.
Dad growled, DS saw a monster and punched him in the face. Very hard.
Dad apologised through the blood.

LoveYouForeverMyBaby · 22/11/2012 18:58

Imo y were nbu.

Everlong · 22/11/2012 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNebulousBoojum · 22/11/2012 19:01

I think if you misjudge a situation, then an apology is appropriate whatever your personal opinion.

socharlotte · 22/11/2012 19:01

Some people are such hard work!!!

MrsDeVere · 22/11/2012 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.