to tell DD she wears the coat she chose or she buys her own?

[ThatVikRinA22]

DD is 15 and in the throes of teenagedom.....she is normally very placid and well behaved, not normally a prima donna.

however.....

She chose a coat on ebay, not expensive, only about £20, from China. We duly ordered it, paid for it, and yesterday it arrived. It is identical to the ebay picture. its lovely. She was not restricted to a budget, and she chose this coat out of every other on the internet.

She has seen it, thrown a hissy fit, says she hates it, wont wear it.
DH was the only one in when it arrived as i was at work, and he did not argue with her, but simply told her that if she wanted another one, she would have to pay for it out of her pocket money (she gets £35 per month cash and we pay for her mobile phone on top of that)

Today she has told me she "needs a coat"

WIBU to tell she has a coat, which she chose, and we paid for, and its up to her if she does not wear it and stick to what DH has said and tell her if she wants another she must pay for it herself?

She is upstairs crying at the moment saying its winter and she needs a coat and what is she meant to do in the snow etc etc etc

Now i know the Ebay coat was not expensive, but to send it back to china will cost as much as buying the flaming coat.....

its too small for me or i would keep it and wear it. i like it. sadly a chinese "large" is a size 8 - 10....which i am not!

help me decide MN jury....(i feel a bit of a meanie.)

[ilovesooty]

Of course adults make sartorial errors. However they earn an income and can choose whether or not to spend money rectifying them.

[mysteryfairy]

You started by saying she was not restricted to a £20 budget so you were happy to spend more on the right coat.

I would sell the Chinese coat on eBay. If she owes you anything it is the loss you make on doing this so likely to be a few pounds less than £20 initial outlay. If it was my DD I wouldn't bother collecting on this, but you could to make the point.

I would then start the coat shopping again. Tell her what budget is actually available and see what you can find for it that all are happy with.

If you keep the £20 coat chances are she will never wear it. The whole £20 will be wasted and you will worry because DD is cold - not a good outcome in any respect.

We all make mistakes where we think we will like something and then don't. i would be very peed off if DH tried to make me wear some of my ill advised purchases from over the years - yes I mean you celery coloured crocs and fit flop snow boots, what was i thinking? I would just be relieved that in this case the amount of money wasted is relatively small.

[MummysHappyPills]

Darn - I am a 12 but like to get coats in a 14 as I have quite broad shoulders. I am still kind of siding with dd as on close inspection the close up pics of the eBay coat don't look as nice as the ones on the model - it looks a different colour and poorer quality. I wonder if the one on the model is the same coat tbh. So I can see why your dd may have been disappointed...

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I too have bought things online, and not liked them when I actually tried them on, but I have to live with my mistakes, because we don't have enough spare cash floating around for me to be able to write off something I don't like.

It is a hard lesson to learn, but we do all have to learn it at some point. Fwiw, I do,have teenagers of my own, and I do like them

I also think that, as vicar's dh has already said she must pay for a new coat out of her allowance, then vicar should back him up on this. After all, she gets enough allowance to afford to buy a coat in two or three weeks, and she does have a coat to wear in the meantime.

[Dead69Girl]

Yanbu.

tell her to ask you to sell it for her on ebay, get the money back and buy a new ones she likes :)

you never know you might make a few £ extra :)

[Bogeyface]

Give in now and you might as well just hand over your cash card and have done with it.

She chose it and changed her mind so its up to her what she does now. I would be suggesting she ebay it and put that towards the coat she wants, which she will have to pay for out of her pocket money.

I dont get this "dont be so mean to her" rubbish, she is throwing a strop and playing the OP to get her own way and the OP is falling for it.

[marriedinwhite]

No it isn't just about the coat carabos it's about a 15 year old girl's feelings and about mutual respect. Laughing in the face of a young girl does not foster mutual respect in my very honest opinion; it does quite the opposite whilst being utterly vile.

[valiumredhead]

But haven't you ever ordered something and changed your mind bogey?

[Bogeyface]

Also, if you give in now then you are undermining your DH which is not good for your relationship with him and shows her that she can pay you off against each other.

[WofflingOn]

No, it's about recognising that sometimes people make small mistakes and whether you will allow that to be rectified or be something they have to live with.
As I said earlier, both Vic and I have Aspie sons who can be challenging, difficult and very time-consuming, and their siblings have had to put up with a lot over the decades. I look at my DD and am grateful that compared to many of the teens discussed here, she's a delight, despite the huge stresses she's lived through.
So I'd cave and work out a compromise.

[CaliforniaLeaving]

I'd tell her to see if one of her mates would like to buy it for the $20 she bought it for, maybe on who's a bit bigger than her. If none of them want it sell it on ebay and buy one in person from H&M.

[WofflingOn]

'Give in now and you might as well just hand over your cash card and have done with it.'

Don't go down that route with Vic! That's an old, old saga!

[valiumredhead]

Very different if she had chosen the coat in the flesh - then I'd say tough tits!

[marriedinwhite]

The girl gets £35 pcm as an allowance. What does she have to spend that on. Presumably the odd cinema trip, the odd burger with friends, the odd bit of girly stuff from Boots. The OP has said she buys her daughter's clothes. £35 is hardly a lot to save up for a coat from imo.

[ilovesooty]

She's not unreasonable to change her mind but I don't think her mother should be sorting out the situation and spending more money. I think what her father said should stand, though of course she can try to sell the coat to recoup some of the money.

[cocolepew]

I love that ebay one, probably not what a 15 yo wants to hear from a 44 yo!

I wouldn't give in, if she wants to buy one, fair enough and I wouldn't order any more without her trying it on. If she buys another I would resell the ebay one.

[WofflingOn]

Hey Vic!
Get DS to buy her the coat for Christmas!

[Bogeyface]

Whats that got to do with anything Valium? If I order something and change my mind then I either put up with it, return it or sell it on. Thats what the OPs DD must do.

[Bonsoir]

I wouldn't buy my teenager a coat they couldn't try on before purchase and return easily after sale!

[Mrsjay]

this isnt about a coat really if they had been reasonable about it the coat came she didn't like it
but it is the huge drama it has caused the stomping the arguing (the acting like her life is over because of a coat, of course we are allowed to change our minds but she has clashed with her dad she is now battiling to get her own way . if My husband had said no to 1 of our daughters i would back him up and try and rationalise the whole thing ,

[valiumredhead]

Oh yes, I agree bogey have I missed something? What does the dd want to do then? must read thread properly!

[marriedinwhite]

I am so glad my DH never ever gets involved with the kids clothes.

[ihearttc]

I haven't had a chance to read the whole thread but Im much older than your daughter and was also debating whether to order one of those from China cause I saw them on e-bay as well. There are loads of them being sold from UK from people who bought them and had the same problem I think...one I saw was up to over £40 so it might be worth relisting it on there.

However I have also bought the exact same one that your daughter wants from H&M which is slightly worrying that I like the same clothes as a 15 year old! But Im only 4ft 10 and its relatively short on me (mid thigh length) which was one of the reasons I got it...most parkas are much too long on me.

[fitflopqueen]

how about this
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/New-French-Connection-Stormy-Fur-Hood-Coat-/121001653341?pt=UK_Women_s_Coats_Jackets&var=420098860173&hash=item1c2c42b45d
I have a brand new one size 8 in box, my DD decided it wasnt quite for her, will be listing on ebay, will sell now for £60 inc postage,

[BellaVita]

Sell the coat on Ebay, make her pay half for the ASOS coat which you buy when you have the money back from Ebay.