to tell DD she wears the coat she chose or she buys her own?

[ThatVikRinA22]

DD is 15 and in the throes of teenagedom.....she is normally very placid and well behaved, not normally a prima donna.

however.....

She chose a coat on ebay, not expensive, only about £20, from China. We duly ordered it, paid for it, and yesterday it arrived. It is identical to the ebay picture. its lovely. She was not restricted to a budget, and she chose this coat out of every other on the internet.

She has seen it, thrown a hissy fit, says she hates it, wont wear it.
DH was the only one in when it arrived as i was at work, and he did not argue with her, but simply told her that if she wanted another one, she would have to pay for it out of her pocket money (she gets £35 per month cash and we pay for her mobile phone on top of that)

Today she has told me she "needs a coat"

WIBU to tell she has a coat, which she chose, and we paid for, and its up to her if she does not wear it and stick to what DH has said and tell her if she wants another she must pay for it herself?

She is upstairs crying at the moment saying its winter and she needs a coat and what is she meant to do in the snow etc etc etc

Now i know the Ebay coat was not expensive, but to send it back to china will cost as much as buying the flaming coat.....

its too small for me or i would keep it and wear it. i like it. sadly a chinese "large" is a size 8 - 10....which i am not!

help me decide MN jury....(i feel a bit of a meanie.)

woffling - that appears to be the pattern here too....at least they take it in turns. i guess i should be thankful!

she has calmed down now - the strop didnt last long thankfully. at least now we are having a conversation about it.

i suppose it is ever so slightly longer than the picture.

i think, if she really cant stand it, we will put it back on Ebay.

ihearsounds - she definitely knew it wasnt a H&M coat....that did not bother her at the time at all, but now its here she just hates it....

she says the only thing she likes is the hood. (which is lovely and fluffy!)

i have however told her that i am not ordering anything else off the internet.
ever
if she wants something she can try it on first.

Is it possible someone at school has said something to her? And she wants the H&M one because someone made a comment about things of ebay/things from China/gods knows what? I just wonder if she is focussing on the look because she doesn't want to tell you someone is making nasty comments?

Just a thought, probably wrong.

She is normally a love though Vic, so I'm on the side of cutting her some slack this time.

I prefer the cheap one too. I think that I would do the same as LFCisTarkaDahl says and maybe get her to contribute a tenner, TBH she may still want to wear the Chinese coat when it is cold. It looks a lot warmer that the H and M one.
If she did this again or was stroppy or bratty generally then I would make her pay but if she is usually ok I would not be too ranty about it.

Has one the "popular" girls in school recently got the H&M coat?.

Tell her she will grow into it....

I'd tell her to buy her own too. That H&M one looks thinner to me.

I also predict you will give in when it's cold and she gives you pleading puppy dog eyes.

forty jobs and an apology then she gets the H&M coat, you can flog the other on ebay,

1. scrub clean the wheelie bins,inside and out.

2.weed the garden 3.wash the windows inside and out 5.wash the car 6.scrub all the skirting boards 7.turn over all the compost piles

1. clean out the under stair cupboard

9.paint a fence 10. prune all the bushes/shrubs(she must also look up how to do this properly) 11.rake up all the leaves

I'm sure MN can come up with a few more

but make sure she does 40 decent extra jobs for £40, as you will be £60 out of pocket,

and from now on give her £30 a month and tell her she is responsible for buying all her own clothes and any other bits and bobs she "needs".

Can you tell your dd that in the teenage manual it does say having a tantrum in November is dodgey as it is to near Christmas and may effect sticking quality and quantity, she may want to think this through - it is apparently on page 145 if she needs a reference my teen will be glad to assist

thats the thing - she is normally easy peasy.
prima donna hissy fits just do not suit her!

it lasted all of about 10 minutes and now she is back down talking to us again.....but i am starting to cave as i look at her little tear stained face

I can't see the problem-she was given money for a coat and she doesn't like it-it is her problem-don't get involved. (sell it on ebay would be a start)

You big pair of softies!

Keep telling yourself she is not 3yo anymore.

Well, 20pounds isn't a lot for a winter coat. Maybe it just felt cheap to her, not thick enough or something. I would relist it or donate it to a coat box, then put another 20 towards a different coat (or 20 plus the sale price of the relisted coat)... she can make up the difference. That way you haven't totally backed down, but she will actually be warmly dressed in Winter. Teenagers are stubborn so if she is anything like my sister, she would freeze rather than wear something she hated.

i am starting to cave as i look at her little tear stained face

And I bet she knows it.

stay strong.

Ebay the unwanted coat and she coughs up the rest of the cost of the H&M one.

'You big pair of softies!'

What, Vic and me? It isn't easy being the sibling of an Aspie, so that makes me a bit squishy and soft when it comes to this sort of thing...my DD has put up with a lot over the years and could have made everyone's lives a lot tougher.
She's taken second place more than her fair share of times. Not saying that's true of Vic's DD, but it's why I would cave.

Can I just say as well vicar, your daughter gets more spending money per week than I have per month - I think she needs to be grateful she is so lucky!

I hadn't realised she'd already tried it on before declaring it awful. I have a smidge more sympathy now.

I would get her to ebay it, and all costs go towards the new coat and then she puts in her own monry towards what's left. That way you've still paid the original £20 towards her coat (via the chinese one) and she has made up the rest. I fully appreciate not liking something once you've tried it on, but I wouldn't want to teach her that strops get her anywhere.

How much do you lot spend on teenagers clothes out of interest. Mine are 18 (almost) and dd is 14.5. DS had a leather jacket (he paid half out of summer earnings) and a quilted barbour type thing last winter and would like another jacket this year too and I feel mean for saying no. Last year for school dd had a £52 coat from Next - plain black and should do a fair few years and imo needs something nice for out of school but insists she loves the parka she had when she was 10 and won't look or show any interest. Aargh.

woffling if he asked her she would say the same.....she often refers to the great seattle saga and cheerfully reminds me that had it been her, i would have killed her.....

she has now come back saying she had originally seen one in Asos that she wanted at £80 but thought it was too expensive for us....so now im getting the puppy dog eyes and an offer to pay half.....

of this one

im a sucker arent i.....

ive agreed nothing i hasten to add.

but i have to say that she is normally soooooo easy that im not used to her throwing stops....

I have a bit of sympathy for her here as the coat was bought online and it isn't always easy to say whether or not you will like something or it will suit you if you've only seen pictures of it. Could you ebay it again? If she had actually tried it on in a shop I would be more firm and say she had to pay for her new coat herself. Why not offer to go half. If she is normally not difficult then I think I would give in this time.

woffling - I meant vic and her DD! I liked the description, is all.

But I'm sure you can be a big softie if you wish.

YANBU, and I would stick with what your dh has said - if she wants the H&M coat, she can buy it herself.

I love that coat! What size is it? If it's my size I'll give you £15 posted!

The eBay one is nicer and thicker. She will get cold in the hm one.

It's working!

She was doing you a favour by asking for the ebay coat out of consideration of household finances.

If she's got £40 to put to half a ASOS coat why hasnt she got £40 to buy the H&M one?.

Remind her she needs to pay £60 towards the asos one, as you've already paid £20 for the perfectly fine one she won't wear...