To be disgusted by the criteria for free childcare for 2 year olds

[LowToleranceMamma]

So because I'm not 'poor' enough, I'm not entitled to childcare for my 2 year old, even though I am really struggling with PND and a baby. We can't afford to pay for it.

What a nice post MrsDeVere I hope the OP takes notice of it...

Do go back and ask for an emergency slot.

As someone who has had to struggle for help for MH problems, i have found saying that I have suicidal thoughts gets their arses in gear. I know that sounds manipulative but, in my experience, some doctors don't treat MH probs with the urgency that they warrant. Due to the thoughts you are having, your illness sounds quite severe.

Oh sweetheart I just want to hug you.

Have you tried your children's centre? They have family support workers and in my area they sign off the 2 yr funding. Certainly didn't just used to be about income. PNI was covered, and they had a group you could go too as well.

Is there a PND group near you?To be honest I did all 3 treatments and sobbing with several other mums and learning together that feeling shite and not enjoying babies and toddlers was sooooo common was the most successful.

Mums hide a lot of stuff from each other and babies are tough.It isn't normal to have a happy,singing mummy skipping down the high street every day.Life isn't like that.It's ok to feel stressed and unhappy at times.

One thing they made us do was to list everything we do in a day.I found my list the other day and was truly shocked.It read like slave labour,I literally didn't have a minute to myself all day and I bet you don't.It's exhausting mentally and physically.

Get your dp to ring the surgery and demand an earlier appointment.In the mean time you must get out every day,let dd have some Cbeebie time when the baby sleeps so you get a break,invite a friend round in the pm(pms were the hardest as I remember).Give yourself some treats ie a bath,magazine etc.Get dp to take over the minute he walks in and go for a walk/jog.

Take dp with you to the gp and don't feel bad if you howl ie don't sit there pretending you feel better than you do.

" if you truly have PND, then it is unlikely that the behaviour came before your sadness. "

here's the history:

DDs birth - me very ill. diagnosed with PND. given meds.

a few months later, I'm feeling happy again.

2 years of relative happiness pass and now I feel like this. They are very demanding kids. they wind each other up. i cant deal with them.

why are people telling me to speak to my gp when ive already made an appointment?????

In the morning phone your GP and insist on an emergency appoinment. Don't take no for an answer you can't wait another 2 weeks to see someone.

Contact your local childrens centre and see what support they can provide. Ask to see a different HV they work in teams so someone else should be able to see you.

Does your OH help? Is he supportive? How about other family?

Help is out there but unfortunalty you have to go and look for it it doesn't find you.

Op I think people are urging you to see the GP as an emergency.

Prarieflower - a PND group sounds good, but who would look after the kids?

pumpster - no shit, they are babies

The vast majority of 2 year olds and babies are demanding and what you're feeling is common but you're blowing it out of perspective(not the not being able to deal with it)but your self loathing.

Where are they now?

"they work in teams "

I know they do, and they gossip amongst themselves. i once phoned up 2 years ago in tears speaking to a HV and she told my HV without my consent.

Talking to other members of the team isn't gossiping that is normal.

The one I went on had a free creche run by Surestart/Homestart(I get them muddled up).I got my volunteer from one of them too.

"Where are they now?"

DH just arrived home and took them out for an hour. great. but is an hour long enough to recover before the next onslaught??

why are people telling me to speak to my gp when ive already made an appointment?????

Because we think you need help sooner than the appointment you got, but that's up to you, of course, Just thought you were getting fobbed off.

Some kids are demanding, but it's always harder if you are ill.

"You must know that your children have not changed in a couple of weeks, it is your feelings that have changed because of your illness."

I'm not sure what you mean. their change in behaviour came first; which pushed me into anxiety and depression again.

"Talking to other members of the team isn't gossiping that is normal."

so nothing is confidential??

i once phoned up 2 years ago in tears speaking to a HV and she told my HV without my consent

Well of course she did - she wouldn't be doing her job if she didn't!

Babies of 10 months are incapable of 'winding' someone up btw - it's just not possible.

Depends how you use the hour. I would get off here and go for a run, or something, to get some endorphins going.

Op - from your posts you seem very angry with us. Is that right? Do you feel angry with us?

LTM, how much sleep are you getting?

Depression and sleep deprivation make it feel like the whole world is against you in a really hateful way. Although this feels like the real truth, it's not. The illness and tiredness twist your perceptions.

Glad you've got another doctor's appointment. Well done :)
Next thing, find what practical help is available to you. Ring all the Sure Start centres and cry if you feel like it!

You need treats for yourself. Little and often is better than dramatic but few. Do what you can to get them both asleep at the same time, then take the space to have a nice bath or watch a soap, whatever makes you feel a bit more 'you'. When they're playing quietly together, ring a mate up for a chat or try on some different outfits or have a nap. Let the housework and stuff go for a while.

This next thing might feel ridiculous while you're down and knackered, but the best you can manage is good enough. The kids shriek because they want attention, right? At least half the time, they only want to feel that everything is safe and lovely. So fake it. Get down with them and give them cuddles, play interested in what they're doing, smile, tell them a story or watch kiddy TV with them. Even though you might be screaming inside, you will enjoy it (some of the time ) and it will do you all good.

Most important, I think, is to take care of you, and that includes finding help where you can. All the best.

Let your OH sort them when he gets in. Take yourself to bed/for a bath/for a walk/stick an iPod on/whatever until he has got them in and settled. For one night he can do it.

When they are in bed tell him exactly how you feel and exactly what you need from him to help.