To be disgusted by the criteria for free childcare for 2 year olds

[LowToleranceMamma]

So because I'm not 'poor' enough, I'm not entitled to childcare for my 2 year old, even though I am really struggling with PND and a baby. We can't afford to pay for it.

If she spoke outside the surgery to her friend then THAT would be a breech of confidentiality, not telly your HV how is there to help you.

My goodness just reading your other threads. So sad your feeling like this, your babies deserve you to get help now, but it's up to you no one else can do if for you. You know and we all can see that you need urgent help, really urgent, now for the sake of the 2 little innocent children involved go and demand that you get it.

"Because we think you need help sooner than the appointment you got, but that's up to you, of course, Just thought you were getting fobbed off."

I asked for a double appointment because i didnt want to be rushed like i usually am. perhaps thats why its taking so long.

Also i have a Q:

will the gp speak to my hv, because i dont want that. i dont want to be on her radar again.

I agree with Mrs -if it was your leg you'd demand help but you look as if you're being proactive re asking for help(childcare etc) and deserve some credit for that.You need to up it a gear but I appreciate you may not be feeling strong.

What exactly has the HV offered you?

Hexenbiest - how do u get out the house when your DD throws a tantrum every 30 minutes?

When younger or on occasions pick them up and put them in buggies even if shoes, coats ect weren?t on have blankets there get further down road and they would usually calm down. I had a sling on occasions baby went in there and toddler in pushchair. Double buggies can be cheap second hand.

Distract with toys, books sweets, fruit something.

I?ve had them on reins and they tantrum and I?ve waited them out or picked them up ? I?ve not had bad comments usually people say positive things to me.

Once they got too big for buggies it got harder ? as we don?t drive and Ds has been put in the garage and told he has set amount of time to get ready ? and he only once got down the road still putting a top on. Some morning I put them outside still ? with door open ? with them still getting shoes on as it indicated we are going whatever and that?s now.

You find ways - you experiment and find what works for you at that time? but you have to make it very clear its happening tantrum or not.

Once they go a few times and enjoy it - then with 2 year old it 'lets go play with toys' put your coat on or whatever then we can go find such and such. Or resort to bribary on ocassions - that shoulds work with the 2 year old .

I have three DC -just over 3 half years apart and there was always something - feed, nappy, tantrum.

It always hardest when you are feeling down ? so you need to get help for yourself as well. Go back to the GP till you get something that helps you.

I

It won't be confidential within the team, no. You are looking for reasons to get offended, be angry.

You are ill, you need to get yourself better.

This is certainly not your poor children's fault, I am finding it very difficult to understand how you can blame them in this way when they are so young.

Can you get your HV changed if s/he bullies you? I don't know how these things work ...

Things are confidential within the team. There is no point having 4 HVs in a team you seeing a different one each time and then them not getting the whole picture.

Op there is a lot of self loathing, aggression and self pitying in your posts. I really strugled when ds was born. Its horrible to ask for help and not have someone swoop in and sort out your life. However support isn't perfect, you do some times have to keep asking til you get it.

Make a list of all the places people have suggested you contact - sure start centre, homestart, hv clinic, emergency gp appt. Phone them all tomorrow. Tell them in no uncertain terms you are not coping and you need help now. Even if that doesn't result in any help tomorrow, you will feel you are trying your best to get out of this shit situation.

Children are bloody difficult sometimes and your tolerance levels will be very low atm.

I'm more disgusted with your sense of entitlement OP.

You don't have to see a HV at all but from your posts it sounds like it's a good idea if you do.

I've been where you are and I know how hard it is. I know you said there is no homestart in your area but what about barnardos? I found them really helpful and when DS1 eventually went to preschool DS2 and I did a baby PEEP course with surestart which really helped us with bonding.

LowToleranceMamma Say you have a personality clash with your current HV and ask GP if they know how you can change your assigned HV.

Alternatively you should be able to find where they are based and you can write to their management and request a change of HV for same reason. Then she should be off your radar permanently.

I'm not sure if the HV would be informed automatically - I know they are when a DC ends up in A & E what ever the reason.

Ali it's easy to feel like that when you're constantly being ripped apart,feel a failure and you love your kids.

Many mums feel like that so don't beat yourself up about it just get it sorted-focus on that.Once you're on the road it willget easier.Where are you,I'd come and give you a break myself if I was near?

The reason health and other professionals work in teams is because its best practice. One persons opinions are greatly based on their life experience as well as training. This is why they share, it's not gossip, it's helpful and needed.

Lay off the criticism, folks, the OP is unwell.

"Well of course she did - she wouldn't be doing her job if she didn't!"

without my consent??

"Do you feel angry with us?"

I cant be arsed to be pleasant to anyone anymore. cant be arsed. feels like too much hard work. and its gotten me nowhere before.

"So fake it."

oh, ive been faking it for weeks - it didnt work; so ive finally broke down.

She spoke to another health care professional - she doesn't need your consent

She doesn't need your consent to share information amongst the team. Think of it this way when you are in hopsital the staff do a hand over between shifts and share relevant information about the patients it's the same for teams such as health visitors.

I also very much doubt they ever agree to treat anything as 100% confidential because they have a duty of care which does sometimes involve sharing information in order to keep you and your children safe. That doesn't mean they will tell every Tom dick and Harry and they will normally tell you if they need to share information beyond their team but that is sometimes needed.

"HV who is there to help you."

i strongly believe that HVs are about surveillence rather than help, at least mine is. she is heavily 'child protection' this and 'child protection' that.

Hexenbiest - today i went out and as soon as i got to my destination i had to turn around and go home because DD was screaming. whats the point in going out?

"It won't be confidential within the team, no. You are looking for reasons to get offended"

theres more to the story. rather than turn this thread into a debate i will tell you this: i said something, it was told to hv who then used it to bully me.

Prarie - im in newcastle upon tyne.

If you feel you were bullied by your HV then you need to put a formal complaint in SL that can be investigated.

"What do you want to happen?"

I wanted to be a SAHM as i belive that is best for young children. thats the idea. but it only works if the mother is a good SAHM and im not. so i'll send my kids off to childcare and feel guilt, but its the less of two evils.

Hexenbiest - I'll ask about changing Hvs, but they will still gossip yes?

I'm a long way from there.

I'm suspecting you don't want to say what you said but how is she bullying you?If she is bullying then she isn't doing her job properly.