Caught ballet teacher pretending to shoot my daughter.

[plumviolet]

Ok, back story.

Dd1 has just turned three this week. I am a sahm with another dd2 who is 18mo. For dd1's birthday we got her ballet lessons in a well known ballet class near us. Lovely class, about 20 girls in pink tutu's between 3 & 4 yo. So cute.

Was really nervous about sending dd in as she has been with me for the last 3 years, no nursery just play group with me there. (Because of the close age gap between dds i haven't been able to get out much to organised classes.) I was amazed, she ran straight in and didn't look back. She's clearly ready to spend some time with other kids her age.

Went to follow her in and was told that mums are not allowed in as it is a distraction for the girls. Thought woohoooo!! Dd2 asleep in pram, i can actually have an hr to myself and maybe go for a coffee nearby, wednesdays are going to be my new favourite day of the week.

(Right if you are still reading, thank you!)

Finished coffee early, was a bit anxious so went back to class and opened door a tiny crack to sneek a peak and was horrified as my daughter was the only child not sitting nicely in a circle and was running around the hall pretending to be a butterfly or something. She was happy as larry and was clearly enjoying herself, but i could see the two teachers trying politely to get her to participate but she ignored them. I then saw one of the teachers make the sign of a gun and pretended to shoot her and then laughed.

Ok, i understand that teachers are human and get frustrated with the rest of us but aibu to be upset by this?

Should i take her out?

Should i say something?

I guess i am upset two fold by this, firstly why is my daughter the only one not participating? I dont expect her to be the class star but i dont want her to be the diffficult one. she loves it and i know she'll get alot out of something like this.

Secondly, surely it's the job of the ballet teachers to keep her interested and not get so annoyed that they want to shoot her!!

"I would be removing her and having a word around the village. Not responsibly enough to be left with other peoples children IMHO"

Great yeah, bad mouth the woman around the village.. for what? she. didnt . really. have. a. gun...

OP, were they even annoyed? You say they were polite, then jokey. Sounds pretty reasonable, even affectionate, to me.

I seem to be going against the general opinion here but I don't think you are overreacting at all. When I read your post I was amazed that you didn't match straight in there and ask the teacher what she thought she was playing at...

Okay, the "joke" gesture didn't upset or harm your child in the slightest but I think that is far from the point. It shows you something about that adult's general lack of respect for the children in her care and it indicates that she is not a mature professional.

You have trusted these people to look after your DD without you there & it is clearly a big thing for you because you haven't left her before. You trusted someone who has behaved in a disgusting way when they thought no parents were present. I would certainly not trust them to look after my child again and I would tell then why and if possible, complain in writing to whoever is in charge of this group.

As it was the first time your DD had attended, it's not that surprising that she wasn't following the structure of the group. The teachers asked you to leave, therefore they should have been capable of dealing with a three year old in a confident way, not acting like daft teenagers who are babysitting for the first time & don't know how to look after a toddler.

Squeakytoy, agree completely. Lets trash someeone without knowing the facts or even discussing it with them.

OP, you need to take a view as to whether it was jokey or not, I'd probably leave it but discuss with the teachers how she was settling in and decide whether you are comfortable with her going there.

Depending on their comments I'd keep it under review and see if she settles in the future, is it the right setting for her at the moment? It doesn't mean that you couldn't go back in the future when she is a bit older.

That's me in the not nice cackling half of the village then.

My dance teacher used to tell us she would put us in a guillotine! And/or pretend slap us, threaten to cut limbs off if we complained they hurt... we loved her, she loved us, she sent (still sends) students to vocational schools every year. I honestly wouldn't think any more of it, they were joking, the dance environment has so far avoided the H&S ott stuff.
Also, whoever said ballet is bad for kids bodies, it depends on how it's taught. Personally, ballet allowed me to control my hypermobility so I could walk without pain. So could have been worse!

@suddenlyskinnygirl - so if someone disagrees with you, it cannot possibly be that they believe what they are saying, merely that they are saying that to wind you up?

seriously- this was only a little joke from exasperated teachers. I'd have been on their side if my kids had not been following any instructions.

am a proud cackler - have no need to protect my little poppets from pretend guns.....

I fully admit to being a bit pfb so had it been done in a really nasty way i think that i would have had an angry word and flounced out. But i admit i was shocked. It was so out of context, the class is all pink and suger plum fairies and polite and smiles and then for her to turn and pretend to shoot her.

I think i was also upset because she wasn't doing what she was told. I dont like them not liking her, if you know what i mean? That sounds a bit stupid!

Just wondering what everyone's views would be on 'ripping your arm off and beating you with the soggy end'?

Or (hypothetically you understand) keelhauling?

Or grinding their bones and munching children in their sandwiches?

(still entirely hypothetical of course but suspects self should not retrain as teacher.)

TheDarkestNight - your teacher doesn't sound bad, she was saying the things TO you and you were all on the joke. It is the fact that this teacher did it behind the little girls back that I think makes it worse. It is so disrespectful.

My DD is not a PBF, but I expect people who are being paid to look after her to treat her well. I also expect then to behave in the same way with her whether I am present or not. Does anyone really believe that the teacher would have mimed the sane gesture if she'd been aware that the child's mother was standing watching? Of course she bloody wouldn't.

OP - don't worry about them 'not liking her' - it was her first lesson and a steep learning curve for her. She'll soon settle in and be part of the gang.

Actually I think the teacher liking the kid is important. But I wouldn't take a pretend gun shot as a sign they didn't like her. If they were shouting at her or getting visibly harassed that's one thing, but a pretend gunshot to me is an affectionate way of dealing with her being annoying (imo anyway). As I said upthread I shoot my children when they are being annoying but I'm finding it funny. If I'm annoyed then I shout.

Plumviolet, i think you sound genuinely nice, and tbh I see no evidence that the teachers do dislike your daughter. They've probably seen a lot of 3-yr-olds in their time.

On of our best parents' evenings, a teacher described my child as 'an annoying little bugger but you can't help liking him' he probably feels like shooing at him a LOT

So is the issue more to do with the fact that you felt responsible for your dd behaviour?
And that you had an image of what the class would be and it didn't fit?

If, even in your eyes, this wasn't nasty, then let it go and don't be as pfb

Digestives - am not sure you're right - my kids have had lots of carers/teachers who would have shared that kind of joke with me. Similarly I would have shared such a joke with them.

THERE WAS NO GUN. NO ONE WAS HURT OR UPSET.

Oh, I'd do it in the parents' sight, Digestives -- but from this thread, i guess that would upset rather more people than I'd ever guessed.

DS3's year 2 class teacher last year pretends to throttle him all the time. I find it quite funny.

I'm with DigestiveswithCheese upthread - it would concern me, it's just not something anyone in any position of authority in public should ever do or joke about at any time. It just isn't, given the horrendous nature of school shootings in Britain in the past. In the privacy of her own home the teacher can bitch and whine all she likes, but at a class when parents could possibly be wandering in or out, it shows a lack of judgement imo. I would approach her and ask if she thinks your daughter is suited to the class and see what she says. Then follow up with "I was wondering, because I did happen to see the gesture you made behind her back at last weeks class..." and she how she reacts. If she admits it and is suitably embarrassed and contrite (and she bloody well ought to be, both at doing it and being caught), then I would probably leave my child in the class and keep an eye on it. If she denys it then I would take her out and see if I could complain further up a managemnt/organisational chain.

LanceLottie - Again, doing it in front of the parent doesn't seem so bad at all, because the parents are included and it does seem more of a joke.

I am heavily pregnant & incredibly hormonal at the moment which may be colouring my view a little ... It's just the fact that it was the first time the little girl had been left. I'm imagining leaving my DD with strangers for the first time (surely most people find that a little hard?!) whether it was at a pre-school, dance class or whatever - then coming back to have a peek through the door & finding the carer making mock shooting gestures .

I would find it so hard to control my temper and imagine I would be really upset. If I saw a teacher doing that to my older DS, at one of his regular groups, then it wouldn't bother me. Especially as I know what they are all like and trust them & I also know he can be a pain!

But a tiny child, the first time she has been to something like that unsupervised? < now going off to pull myself together as just the image of it is making me tearful again!>

The OP's dd isn't "too immature". Not at just turned 3 ffs.

I wouldn't like this either because it potenitally betrays something unpleasant. I'd give the class another go maybe, but YANBU to be a bit about it.

If I saw a teacher doing to that to DS and the teacher knew I was there, I meant to say.

Off you go then .

for digestiveswithcheese oh bless you and your hormones.

op you sound really sweet. Hope you give if another to with the class and your dd enjoys it again. She will settle into it in time.

not flowers. Brain dead today.