Caught ballet teacher pretending to shoot my daughter.

[plumviolet]

Ok, back story.

Dd1 has just turned three this week. I am a sahm with another dd2 who is 18mo. For dd1's birthday we got her ballet lessons in a well known ballet class near us. Lovely class, about 20 girls in pink tutu's between 3 & 4 yo. So cute.

Was really nervous about sending dd in as she has been with me for the last 3 years, no nursery just play group with me there. (Because of the close age gap between dds i haven't been able to get out much to organised classes.) I was amazed, she ran straight in and didn't look back. She's clearly ready to spend some time with other kids her age.

Went to follow her in and was told that mums are not allowed in as it is a distraction for the girls. Thought woohoooo!! Dd2 asleep in pram, i can actually have an hr to myself and maybe go for a coffee nearby, wednesdays are going to be my new favourite day of the week.

(Right if you are still reading, thank you!)

Finished coffee early, was a bit anxious so went back to class and opened door a tiny crack to sneek a peak and was horrified as my daughter was the only child not sitting nicely in a circle and was running around the hall pretending to be a butterfly or something. She was happy as larry and was clearly enjoying herself, but i could see the two teachers trying politely to get her to participate but she ignored them. I then saw one of the teachers make the sign of a gun and pretended to shoot her and then laughed.

Ok, i understand that teachers are human and get frustrated with the rest of us but aibu to be upset by this?

Should i take her out?

Should i say something?

I guess i am upset two fold by this, firstly why is my daughter the only one not participating? I dont expect her to be the class star but i dont want her to be the diffficult one. she loves it and i know she'll get alot out of something like this.

Secondly, surely it's the job of the ballet teachers to keep her interested and not get so annoyed that they want to shoot her!!

The teachers sound like dick heads continue with the class bit bear this incident in mind when dealing with them in future.

It's nasty!! I would want to know if someone had been behaving in a nasty innaproriate way toward my LO, behind closed doors.

If you think its ok, go have a word with yourself it's abusive. Either leave the girl to play or get her to join in. A nasty fake shooting is appalling, what message is that for any child? These people clearly lack respect.

It wasn't a nasty fake shooting it was a joke.

I think it's ok. Have just had a word with myself and its still ok.

I too have had a word with myself and think some people need to get a grip. People often make fake strangling or punching gestures behine a naughty child's back. But that's all it is, a jokey gesture, not a statement of intent.

nasty? inappropriate? abusive?

I just think we need a litttle perspective here? No one was hurt. The kids (even the butterfly dancer) all enjoyed themselves. The teachers were just having a little joke - as I'm sure may do.

To link this in any way to Dunblane (as one poster appeared to do) is odd beyond belief.

But the point is it's not a joke a supposed professional in a position of authority should be making. Parents and relatives and perhaps very close friends, or people with whom I and my children have built up a relationship over a period of years with, then yes, I might tolerate it, but otherwise, no, it's not funny. It really isn't.

I made my dd wait till she was 4 for ballet classes because, despite loving dancing about and pink dresses, she was not ready to be part of a group following instructions from someone who is not likely to be a trained teacher. [They have blue dresses, much to dd's dismay - ha ha, cackle, cackle]

I think it's a joke that the teachers had. I definitely wouldn't take it as a sign that they don't like your DD. I'm a child of the 60s/70s and have definitely been tipped in a bin, as have my DC, or pretend tipped, at least. I've said all that "hit you with the soggy end", stuff. Honestly most DC seem to like that kind of thing. They really don't take it seriously, but realise that you've sort of come to a point where you can't take what they're doing any more.

I would speak to the teachers and ask for their point of view. Some dance classes are extremely disciplined right from the beginning, others are a bit more laid-back. Don't fume in silence - ask them what they think.

Agree with everything JimJams said. Mock shooting would not bother me in the least.
Play it by ear & only keep her in if she wants to stay in.

Ok so you didn't find it funny. But surely you can see that it is not abusive.

I wouldn't be happy at all.

I do think your DD needs to mature a bit more before attending a formal class like that one though.

Going by my DD's behaviour at a year, I am sure she would probably behave like your DD at her age in a situation like that. She is also at home with me except for stay and play sessions.

Had I been the teacher, I would have had a word with you after class, not pretend to shoot your daughter.

To be honest Sparkle I would far rather a teacher did that to my child than shouted at them or humiliated them or made them stand in the corner or somesuch. Its just a lighthearted expression of frustration with the child's behaviour.

I don't think you are over-reacting. I'd be furious. I manage a large team of people who work with children and young people, I'd be fuming if any parent said that they had witnessed it or if anyone else for that matter reported it. It is totally unprofessional and inappropriate.

I wouldn't follow advice of people who say keep going to the class, but treat teachers extra carefully etc. If you decide you really didn't like it, and it was not appropriate, surely you cannot feel good about your child being there. I think I'd be upset that my kid wasn't behaving and that someone didn't like them, but it wouldn't put me off the teacher.

Neither of mine got on particularly well with ballet at that age or even older, even though they are both well-behaved girls and have never had problems with taking instructions at pre-school or school. They just found it too regimented for what was for them meant to be a fun activity.

So at what age do we deem it inappropriate to make a shooting gun sign at a child?Hmm? I am a secondary teacher and I would expect my ass to be right out the door if I did that action to one of my pupils.

Exactly Pigletpower!

YANBU
I would be quite offended by that even though it was clearly a joke.

Running around at 3 is what little ones really love to do, particularly if there is a lot of open space - she was obviously having a great time.
As she liked it so much, you could take her again, and at the end of the class 'jokingly' say to this teacher - "how did she get on - I really don't want her to be shot at again"?

Golly I'd be pretty unimpressed if my DD's ballet teacher did that. She is also 3 and does the class at her pre-school so parents aren't in the actual room with them but I can see through the glass door and the teacher keeps them in good order.

But there are only 9 of them and its at the end of the school day so they're used to doing as they're told etc etc in that environment.

You need to teach this woman a lesson.

Pretend to batter her with hockey stick, then do a pretendy elbow drop to finish her off

I think it´s a horrible thing to do tbh.

Most of the kids are really young & if it´s weekly, might not have much of a relationship as kids can have with teachers-and it was the little girls first time!

OP-is this the first time she has been any where without you?

If so, yes, a big ask of her.

Perhaps a playgroup would be better as less structured.

As long as the pretend gun was only firing blanks it's ok :)

Wow. Some posters just turned 3 year old's must have been conformist robots, judging by the responses.

Prancing round the room, like a butterfly, at a dance class for under 5's (presumably) sounds completely appropriate and expressive behaviour, and very sweet. Pretending to shoot a child is not. It's utterly disgusting (and I'm particularly impatient with kids at the best of times). I remember my DD's first class when she was 3 and she thought all the structured stuff was boring and did her own thing, she joined in after a few weeks. I took her out a few weeks later when I realised the instructor didn't care a jot about what the children were capable of or wanted and was just after squeezing every bit of cash she could out of the parents. She used to bribe a not even 2 year old who had hardly any language with smarties to join in. If she didn't join in enough she would call her naughty. The toddlers parent thoroughly encouraged it and would scold the poor oblivious baby (who had been quite content toddling round the chairs whilst the older kids were performing) if she didn't earn her smarties. I left after that. I found one that was much nicer but DD didn't like it. At that one, the instructor would often open the door and ask if any parent were available to take a little one to the toilet and help with their tutu. It was usually only me sitting there so I did that frequently, the poor kids didn't have a clue who I was and some were very shy.

Dance instructors aren't childcare workers though, and probably haven't even asked if she is used to formal activities or know what is developmentally appropriate. I'd definitely say something, and find another class.

I'd be livid
I'd complain
I think it's awful
And I'm surprised that anyone thinks it's ok to show annoyance with a 3yr old in this way
I don't think it's acceptable for a parent to do it, let alone a supposed responsible teacher.