Caught ballet teacher pretending to shoot my daughter.

[plumviolet]

Ok, back story.

Dd1 has just turned three this week. I am a sahm with another dd2 who is 18mo. For dd1's birthday we got her ballet lessons in a well known ballet class near us. Lovely class, about 20 girls in pink tutu's between 3 & 4 yo. So cute.

Was really nervous about sending dd in as she has been with me for the last 3 years, no nursery just play group with me there. (Because of the close age gap between dds i haven't been able to get out much to organised classes.) I was amazed, she ran straight in and didn't look back. She's clearly ready to spend some time with other kids her age.

Went to follow her in and was told that mums are not allowed in as it is a distraction for the girls. Thought woohoooo!! Dd2 asleep in pram, i can actually have an hr to myself and maybe go for a coffee nearby, wednesdays are going to be my new favourite day of the week.

(Right if you are still reading, thank you!)

Finished coffee early, was a bit anxious so went back to class and opened door a tiny crack to sneek a peak and was horrified as my daughter was the only child not sitting nicely in a circle and was running around the hall pretending to be a butterfly or something. She was happy as larry and was clearly enjoying herself, but i could see the two teachers trying politely to get her to participate but she ignored them. I then saw one of the teachers make the sign of a gun and pretended to shoot her and then laughed.

Ok, i understand that teachers are human and get frustrated with the rest of us but aibu to be upset by this?

Should i take her out?

Should i say something?

I guess i am upset two fold by this, firstly why is my daughter the only one not participating? I dont expect her to be the class star but i dont want her to be the diffficult one. she loves it and i know she'll get alot out of something like this.

Secondly, surely it's the job of the ballet teachers to keep her interested and not get so annoyed that they want to shoot her!!

maybe it was just a tranquilizer dart and not a bullet

How would I feel if someone pretended to shoot my child? Who wasn't me? I often pretend to shoot my children or throttle them (I am Tweasles twin). I wouldn't care less. I would be annoyed if they were shouting at them, but not if they responded to my children being irritating with humour.

I used to get a bit harassed when ds3 would do his own thing in group activities but he got there eventually and if he was too annoying I took him out. And I don't take ds1 to group activities because he can't do group stuff. A pretend shot wouldn't even register tbh (other than the embarrassment of my child being feral - but I am used to that feeling).

Tweasels

The way they were actually treating her was kindly and patient - the mimed shooting behind her back was nprofessional and not good, but if you like the class, and she enjoys it, I would concentrate on supporting her to get the best out of it.

Remind her that being in a ballet class is like being at a school and that she will learn lovely dancing if she does as the teachers ask her to do, etc etc. Be clear and form - because on the end it's a big wsate of your money if she just rushes about - you could send her to any old play group instead.

And maybe talk to the taechers - mention that you saw what they did and were disappointed to see it, and say you will be explaining to her how she needs to behave, and if they are having problems or think she is not ready, to tell you.

That would piss me right off.

When my eldest was 15 months he was in nursery trying to clamber on a chair and fell. His cunt of a key worker didnt know I was there and said 'That'll teach ya." Fuck you! 15 months old!

I dont give a shite if they are sick of the kids or they are running round like butterflies you dont pretend to shoot them jeebs.

My son's swimming teacher once pretended to throw him in the deep end of the swimming pool because he was scared of putting his head in the water. He did the gesture behind my DS's back, and the joke was with another coach, but I was watching. Initially I was not amused, I thought hey that's a bit rude, my DS has a learning difficulty and it's much harder for him to control his breathing etc but in the end I just accepted it as a bit of a frustration for the teacher who is trying hard but isn't getting anywhere...

I wouldn't take it personally, it is a bit unprofessional, but hey, nobody's perfect. Not even ballet teachers.

However, lots of 3 year old don't do what they are asked, especially if they don't know what is expected of them. If you explain to your daughter that at ballet we sit down, and listen to the teacher. Do pretend ballet lesson at home and try to get her to immitate your movements. Just simple stuff like good toes naughty toes (if they still do that these days) with classical music in the background. She might have been a bit overexcited at first lesson, but next time, if she knows what to expect, she might sit down for a little bit longer. I personally would not expect a three year old to sit through an entire lesson of 30 minutes without playing up a bit, especially at first lesson.

All those saying the OP is overreacting how would you feel if your dc's teacher pretended to shoot them?

I wouldn't care mind at all, children need to learn how to behave and its up to the teacher/leader to let them know in whatever way works for them - perhaps this was just a light hearted gesture - who knows or cares. The Op. sounds incredibly PFB ish and will probably laugh at herself in a few years - (she admits herself that she was anxious) and I agree that it is very strange that the child hasn't been to any other social groups before now.

However I am a little surprised at a ballet teacher usuing shooting type gestures,

Forget to mention that he fell off and hurt himself. I was getting caught up in my angry memory.

I need sleep.

all these people who are shocked at the shooting. Really?

It was a joke - by exasperated teachers after trying to get this child to join in for most of the lesson and failing.

How would I feel if someone did that to my kids (when they were 3)? I'd be fine with it. Even if my kids did see. IT WAS A JOKE. (and my kid was being a pain)

I feel great empathy with the teachers in this situation.

I have taught tiny kids in drama classes and that's NOT ok. I would tell them I saw her do it.

Everlong It wouldn't bother me at all.
Ds would probably shoot her back and think it was great fun. He loves his current teacher because she calls people "silly sausage" apparently that's the height of humour for a 5yo.

I would be much more upset to find my child was the one child not sitting down and doing as the others did.

My dc started ballet at 2.6yo, 2yo, and 2.3yo.

Their teacher is very relaxed about the settling in period, but she has suggested to parents that their child is not ready for classes yet.
Not because she doesn't want/like the child, but it is not fair on the rest of the class if she has to spend a disproportional time dealing with one child. She had a class of 2-3.6yos and she doesn't mind if they don't want to join in with one aspect, but they need to sit quietly, because if you've one child running around, then others follow often.

She will let the parent watch/join in with the first class, or even subsequent ones if the child seems to need it. Which is unusually relaxed around here, a lot of the schools won't let that and they would be very snipy with you for opening the door to have a peek.

OP take her to Diddy Dance instead. It's naff but parents can sit in and join in too if they want.

My DD loved Diddy Dance. I had to make her leave when she got too old! It's a good intro to dance with all the basics covered without the strict rubbish that most 3 year olds do not enjoy.

Ballet isnt good for their body anyway.

I do the shooting thing, or a Homer Simpson mime (strangling) behind my kids' back but in view of DH.

It is a wee joke, that's all.

I'd keep sending your DD, sounds like she'll settle right in. It took my DD 10 weeks to be left alone at ballet. I had to take the class too, and I was pg with DD2.

It depends a lot of how the 'making the sign of a gun' was done. Also how much 'visibility' the OP had ie is she really sure it was what she thinks it is?

She got a very quick view of something at one point in time with no idea of what has happened before hand (or what has happened after).
There is no indication as to what sort of laugh it was. Was the teacher mocking the child or was it 'let's take it with a of salt' type of laugh?
As the OP can not say what the teacher was trying to do, I think it's difficult to judge whether it was appropriate or not (or worth getting v upset and taking the dd out)

As to be 'horrified that he dd wasn't sitting still'. Well she has never been in a situation where she was asked to sit still. Or one when she will need to learn something.
I expect she will start nursery soon and will have the opportunity to learn that
But yes she is certainly at age where she should know that when you are told to sit down, you should do (and I would expect that from my dcs at home too)

She is 3. It's TINY. She's never been in any setting. Take her to a fun one where parents are welcome.

Ballet isnt good for their body anyway.

Why not?

Total over-reaction. It was a joke. There were no guns present.

I would have no problem whatsoever with a teacher doing this with one of my children - would far rather that, done in a jokey fashion, than yelling in their face SIT DOWN. Or whatever.

@everlong - I really cannot see the issue. think the whole thing is very pfb. do not see that as weird in any way.

I think it's great that the Mum is seeking input - and I think she has had a lot of good advice on here.

think the shooting is not relevant to the query as to what classes her daughter should go to and do not understand the hysteria.

"All those saying the OP is overreacting how would you feel if your dc's teacher pretended to shoot them?"

Well if they actually had a gun in their hand I might be a bit worried.. other than that, erm no... it is pretend... you know, not real... there are no bullets, there is no gun..

Yeah agree with escape. If the gesture was saying "I hate this child and really want to shoot them" I would be cross. If it was saying "Oh m god this child will not sit down" then I would find it funny.

When I pretend to shoot or throttle my children I don't actually want to do it. And it is accompanied by a comedy face. When my children catch me doing it they laugh, rather than cower.

It's all in the delivery. I can't imagine someone actually using the gesture aggressively with a 3 year old so I would take it as a sign that she hadn't done much listening that session.

Dirty Dance sounds good mind

I'd imagine that all of the pupils behave like that in their first class, so I wouldn't worry for a few weeks. I don't think the gun shooting is very nice, it could upset a sensitive child. Don't know if I'd mention it though.

We tried a colourstrings music class a year or so ago and while i sat in the circle like a lemon she kept trying to get out the door.... So formal classes historically have not worked for her.

We do however go to a playgroup twice a week which she gets alot from, i just thought she was ready for something like this.

I think i'll give it another go and sneek another peek during the class and if she is still misbehaving have a word with the teacher. and bring my gun

Thanks for all your comments, some have been lovely, some have been hilarious and some have been really mean. Yeesh. Cross section of mumsnet eh?

that's why i love it though...

LMAO at this:
?If she'd whipped out a replica firearm and told your DD to sit down or she'd blow her head off, then obviously that's completely unacceptable.?

I agree with NotQuintAtAllOhNo I think a simple ?please don?t pretend to shoot my daughter? comment would be fine if it upset you, but I think you have to consider the fact that she may have been less than a little angel for the whole time you were gone.
When she has frustrated you at home have you never done anything similar, pulled a grimacing face or made the throttling gesture with your hands behind her back? I?ve done it a (not a parent just a free babysitter at times) and I?ve seen plenty of other parents do it, I and they weren?t about actually to strangle the kids though.

I personally think the worst thing you could do for DD1 is take her out (unless she hates it) as she needs to learn how to behave with others soon enough and that life has rules. Doing something fun is the best way for her. In another year she?ll nearly be at school and the teachers will have far less time to socialise her than the ballet teachers do. Consider whether keeping the girls at home with you until now is because you ?can?t get out with them? (I?m assuming you do actually leave the house most days though) or if it?s because they?re your girls and you feel better having them close (you said came back early because you were anxious, about what?).

Maybe now would be a good time to start introducing DD2 to some activities to avoid another little monkey in ballet class scenario?

Oh dear.

I'm with the 'shoot 'em myself in a minute if they don't BLOODY SIT DOWN' brigade.

Parenthood obviously brings out the worst in me.

By the way, OP, you don't know your daughter was being a butterfly. Maybe she was being a pheasant, and it was all in the spirit of realistic role play