Caught ballet teacher pretending to shoot my daughter.

[plumviolet]

Ok, back story.

Dd1 has just turned three this week. I am a sahm with another dd2 who is 18mo. For dd1's birthday we got her ballet lessons in a well known ballet class near us. Lovely class, about 20 girls in pink tutu's between 3 & 4 yo. So cute.

Was really nervous about sending dd in as she has been with me for the last 3 years, no nursery just play group with me there. (Because of the close age gap between dds i haven't been able to get out much to organised classes.) I was amazed, she ran straight in and didn't look back. She's clearly ready to spend some time with other kids her age.

Went to follow her in and was told that mums are not allowed in as it is a distraction for the girls. Thought woohoooo!! Dd2 asleep in pram, i can actually have an hr to myself and maybe go for a coffee nearby, wednesdays are going to be my new favourite day of the week.

(Right if you are still reading, thank you!)

Finished coffee early, was a bit anxious so went back to class and opened door a tiny crack to sneek a peak and was horrified as my daughter was the only child not sitting nicely in a circle and was running around the hall pretending to be a butterfly or something. She was happy as larry and was clearly enjoying herself, but i could see the two teachers trying politely to get her to participate but she ignored them. I then saw one of the teachers make the sign of a gun and pretended to shoot her and then laughed.

Ok, i understand that teachers are human and get frustrated with the rest of us but aibu to be upset by this?

Should i take her out?

Should i say something?

I guess i am upset two fold by this, firstly why is my daughter the only one not participating? I dont expect her to be the class star but i dont want her to be the diffficult one. she loves it and i know she'll get alot out of something like this.

Secondly, surely it's the job of the ballet teachers to keep her interested and not get so annoyed that they want to shoot her!!

I'd be horrified tbh. What else are these teachers getting away with behind closed doors?

You are calling a three year old a loon ? Really ?

Mosman - I thought that was a bit pot/kettle too.

Note to people: just because this is AIBU, doesn't mean you should write any old mean-spirited rubbish.

ROFL @:

MackerelOfFact Tue 06-Nov-12 11:31:39
I think you're overreacting too. If she'd whipped out a replica firearm and told your DD to sit down or she'd blow her head off, then obviously that's completely unacceptable.

I am so ready for her to go to class believe me. The thought of a chance to get a break for an hour practically made me giddy.

She is everything last poster wrote if you multiply stubborn by four. she is ready for a structured class where she will learn to listen. Personally I'm not too bothered if it is cute or involves tuile. It could be rugby for all I care. Maybe I should try that. Pink is her preference though.

I think if the shooting had happened in front of me or included her in any way it would have been ok. I wouldn't have found it particularly funny but it wouldn't have been offensive either. It just seemed snide and maybe a bit mean.

Anyway. Opinion is pretty split and I don't think I am being unreasonable on reflection. And I have read all your posts. ( all ten pages)

I'm going to take her to the next class today as she gets so much out of it. But I'll be keeping a close eye and try a different class if I see anything else or machetes are involved.

To be fair, all just-turned-3yos are loons.

In fact, show me an under-7 who isn't

it was going to be pretty obvious that she wouldnt know any of the social rules if this is the first thing she has gone too.

the teacher should have been informed of this or you should have taken her to a play group before hand, this is not your dd's fault its yours.

the teacher would have expected a certain level of socialising before hand this us why she acted like she did.

i would ask to sit in next time or take her to another group where you can. this way she can learn whats acceptable from you,not a stranger with less patience.

Best of luck for the next class op.

Honestly, if I was you, I would have been relieved that they made light of it, because I know what it's like watching your child NOT join in, or NOT get in the swimming pool, or messing around. And I probably would fake shoot them too, if I could catch their eye.

I am AMAZED so many people are taking it so seriously!

Yes, best of luck OP, please let us know if there's any more mime violence :)

Ahem.

The lackadaisical reactions to a teacher gesturing shooting a child seem a bit rich coming from a nation that is so outwardly disapproving of a certain industrialized Western nation's attitude regarding firearms cough, USA, cough. So you don't condone guns, but you can "play" guns all you like?

Carry on.

Good luck, OP. It sounds like your daughter needs a new class. :)

OP - I'm assuming that your DD hasn't actually come across many guns so far in her life (unless you've been encouraging her to play World of Warcraft or similar). In which case (even if she saw what the teacher did) she will presumably not have a clue about what it might mean. So would I be correct in saying that your DD was undamaged by the incident?

So really, you are left with wondering if that particular class and teacher are right for your child. I'd be tempted to find some sort of musical movement/dance class which is less formal than ballet. DDs ballet school didn't offer ballet lessons until the girls turned 4yo - up until then they ran a much more fun and bouncy class for girls and boys (with parents watching). The downside was that you didn't get the 'awww' factor of having teeny, weeny pink clad ballerinas - but I lived with that as that was about me, not what was best for DD.

Well it is much easier to take it as a joke when you know the chances of the ballet teacher actually owning a gun are practically 0%. In America you wouldn't be so sure she wasn't just practicing her aim...

Honestly, if I'd had a ballet teacher who didn't mind having a joke I might not have given it up in favour of saturday mornings with Champion the wonder Horse, and my mum might not have been so obviously (though she tried to hide it) grateful to be released from the torture of making show costumes that had to be absolutely perfect or else. It was all so deadly serious considering it was the church hall, not the Royal Ballet School! I think it's nice that ballet teachers are allowed to be human nowadays.

Vagndidit, So you don't condone guns, but you can "play" guns all you like?

Erm...yes. I don't mind my kids running around with Nerf (or toothbrushes which magically become swords, or any vaguely stick-shaped object), but I wouldn't give them a loaded pistol. That clearly makes sense to me.

What a bizarre comment to make?!!! Now THAT's loony.

OP I don't mean to be harsh, but:

You know your child has not been in a formal situation similar to this, she is recently potty trained but may have some trouble with a tutu & yet you still think its a good idea to leave her in a class setting? yabu to send her to this class, what if she did end up having a toilet accident? how humiliating for her. How do you expect her to cope if she hasn't had to deal with a non family authority figure? As she has not attended nursery she is not equipped with the social knowledge of how to behave in a setting where she is not the only mummy's little darling & is one of a group.

From your post is appears that the teachers were trying to keep her interested but she was ignoring them! They were doing their job, keeping children interested is only part of their job, they still have a class to teach. Plus I repeat, your dd was ignoring them! I appreciate that she was enjoying herself but if 2 teachers have to attend to her then she is seriously disrupting the class.

I'd give her a couple more weeks to try to get used to the rules of the class. If after that, she is still disruptive then I would leave it for a year or so. Also its not good for your child if she is the 'difficult one' in a class & its not good for you, particularly if some of the ballet girls will be in her class at school as the reputation as 'difficult' will stick.

Also it sounds as if both of you would benefit from your dd attending a nursery for a couple of sessions a week at least.

I actually can't believe that there are people who think an adult pretending to shoot a child should be ignored. and that the mum is overreacting. What on earth is the world coming to when a teacher and parents think that is ok. They are even teaching the other kids in the class that this is appropriate behaviour. This is why we have kids running riot because they are not set a good example by disgusting adults who should be able to cope with a child who is new to the class and so young. I would have told the teacher I saw them and that they should be ashamed of themselves. I certainly wouldn't want that person teaching my child anything.

elles think we established the kids didn't see, it was an 'in joke'.

I don't get how pretending to shoot a child is in any way funny, or shows a 'sense of humour' on the part of the teacher. I also don't believe that most of the YABU-ers would be so happy to see this happen to their own children. Seriously? You go into school tomorrow and see a teacher do a throat-slicing gesture behind your DS' head, or pretend-stabby your DD's back and you'd split your sides laughing? Completely 'get' why they felt they should do that?

utter rot.

As I said upthread ds3's teacher last year used to do that. He thought it was hilarious. She is probably one of the best teachers in the school.

As I said when I do it to my sons it's when I am finding their banging on refusal to behave quite amusing. When I'm cross I shout.

Vagndidit - I totally agree with you. But then, my DS has never been allowed to have toy weapons at home either. If I saw him making a pretend shooting gesture behind the back of another child, then I would be telling him that's not appropriate, never mind an adult doing it.

Perhaps I'm just not a 'fun' parent but I don't think there is anything amusing about war or people being shot at, not in any context.

There is research.that shows that children allowed to play with toy guns or provide weapons are less aggressive than those that have been banned.
It's a safe way of releasing aggression.

Bruffin - Really? I'd be interested to see that research if you vould point me in the right direction. I think my DS seems to release a fair amount of aggression through rugby, karate & the sort of rough games he plays with friends. I just dislike pretend guns/machetes being in my home.

Firstly you need to speak to that teacher - that is highly inappropriate and I sincerely hope your child didnt see it.

Secondly, you need to address your child's behaviour and explain that she must do as she is asked in any class. Have you heard of this behaviour from other teachers in her school? She isn't too young to know when it's time to sit and listen and when it's time to play.

Bruffin - I'd like to see that research too as I believe it's te other way round!