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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Caught ballet teacher pretending to shoot my daughter.

260 replies

plumviolet · 06/11/2012 11:18

Ok, back story.

Dd1 has just turned three this week. I am a sahm with another dd2 who is 18mo. For dd1's birthday we got her ballet lessons in a well known ballet class near us. Lovely class, about 20 girls in pink tutu's between 3 & 4 yo. So cute.

Was really nervous about sending dd in as she has been with me for the last 3 years, no nursery just play group with me there. (Because of the close age gap between dds i haven't been able to get out much to organised classes.) I was amazed, she ran straight in and didn't look back. She's clearly ready to spend some time with other kids her age.

Went to follow her in and was told that mums are not allowed in as it is a distraction for the girls. Thought woohoooo!! Dd2 asleep in pram, i can actually have an hr to myself and maybe go for a coffee nearby, wednesdays are going to be my new favourite day of the week.

(Right if you are still reading, thank you!)

Finished coffee early, was a bit anxious so went back to class and opened door a tiny crack to sneek a peak and was horrified as my daughter was the only child not sitting nicely in a circle and was running around the hall pretending to be a butterfly or something. She was happy as larry and was clearly enjoying herself, but i could see the two teachers trying politely to get her to participate but she ignored them. I then saw one of the teachers make the sign of a gun and pretended to shoot her and then laughed.

Ok, i understand that teachers are human and get frustrated with the rest of us but aibu to be upset by this?

Should i take her out?

Should i say something?

I guess i am upset two fold by this, firstly why is my daughter the only one not participating? I dont expect her to be the class star but i dont want her to be the diffficult one. she loves it and i know she'll get alot out of something like this.

Secondly, surely it's the job of the ballet teachers to keep her interested and not get so annoyed that they want to shoot her!!

OP posts:
maybenow · 06/11/2012 12:07

I wouldn't worry about the mimed shooting her - but you knew she might find it hard as she hasn't been in a group situation without 1:1 attention before but that's ok, If I were you i'd speak to the teachers and say 'was she ok? it's her first group class' and 'is there anything i can tell her before next week to help?' I'm sure the teachers will be patient with her but will be more patient and understanding if they know you're on-side with them and also that you've acknowledged this is new for her.

EscapeInTheCity · 06/11/2012 12:08

Actually I can think of one very good teacher the dcs had who would probably have played than sort of games with the children.

They all loved him, because he knew how to be silly but still be teaching.

And he teached them very well.

Again, if it was meant as a game, not an issue. If it was because they were just exasperated, then perhaps the teacher should find other ways to express it (Note nothing in the OP says that it's the OP's dd that was THE reason for the teacher to have enough. 1000 things could have happened during the 1h00).
If the teacher had done anything that could suggest she really wanted to physically hurt the child, then... yes I can understand.

OP which one was it?

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 06/11/2012 12:09

^Ok some of you think it would be ok for your child's teacher to pretend to shoot them.
Fucking weird.^

I wouldn't care if someone pretended to shoot my dd. When read this thread I honestly thought if was a joke. A 3 year old not sitting down properly in her first class is not really a surprise and the jokey gun thing is no big deal at all.

suddenlyskinnygirl · 06/11/2012 12:09

YA so NBU, I would be really upset if a teacher mimed shooting my 3 year old - do a cross face if a toddler is bugging you, don't pretend to shoot them.

Everlong · 06/11/2012 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suddenlyskinnygirl · 06/11/2012 12:10

PS those who are saying it wouldn't bother them at all - you can bet it would. Many MNers just come on here looking for people to disagree with and make feel stupid!

samandi · 06/11/2012 12:12

Good lord, I used to pretend to shoot my nephews all the time ... never knew I was such a terrible Auntie Hmm

It does sound as though she's too immature for the class though.

AlienRefluxovermypoppy · 06/11/2012 12:12

everlong the kids didn't see I'm presuming, if they had done it to her face, I can see how that would be upsetting, but behind herback? as an 'in joke'?

EscapeInTheCity · 06/11/2012 12:12

plum perhaps you could see it the other way. If your dd is struggling at ballet class for an hour, how is she going to cope at nursery?

Personally, I would persevere with the ballet.
And I would be very careful to make generalization from what you have seen in the 30 seconds you had a look. It might not give you the full picture at all. For what you know, she might be very 'good' for 55 minutes and then got silly in the last 5 minutes.

FrankWippery · 06/11/2012 12:14

OP - there's a big difference between a formal setting with a parent and one without a parent.

GothAnneGeddes · 06/11/2012 12:15

Would not be happy about anyone pretending to shoot my child. Not at all.

O.P it may be that the class isn't a good fit for your daughter and she need's a more gentle introducion into the Doing as You're Told and Following Instructions from Somone Who isn't Mummy.

FrankWippery · 06/11/2012 12:15

Suddenlyskinny - nah, it absolutely wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

plumviolet · 06/11/2012 12:15

Well, to be honest i was anxious that she would piss herself.

She's not long out of nappies and has accidents sometimes, a tutu is not quick release.

OP posts:
minouminou · 06/11/2012 12:16

Ha ha, Lancelottie!
OP, you couldn't hear the other teacher shouting "Pull!"

OP - I'd ask the teachers if she's disruptive regularly and if they think she'll settle. I'd also mention that you saw the fake shooting. What I wouldn't do is take her out, as she may well benefit from this socialisation.

Unless by "take her out", you mean, like, in a Mafia stylee....like, with a gun and all that.....

Cortana · 06/11/2012 12:17

I agree Everlong that is it a personal thing. But OP asked for opinion and as she said she got a cross section, what she decides is appropriate for her daughter and the action she takes from here is up to her. Doesn't make a different parenting style weird.

DS was running round at a Christening this weekend, we were trying to calm him down and explain he was allowed to play but had to be careful. We opted for little times outs when he got too excited then explained how he was expected to behave. I did make a joke to DP when DS ran past along the lines of "If you stuck your foot out to trip him the problem is solved". We would never trip him, but it made us giggle through the frustration. Different folks.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 06/11/2012 12:18

No one has pretended to shoot my daughter so I don't honestly know what it feels like.

Came home to find my dad pretending to throw her in the bin though (dd dangling over it, giggling wildly) it was hilarious. I genuinely don't see why the gun thing is a dreadful thing.

starting to question parenting style and the parenting style of my mum and dad

sashh · 06/11/2012 12:18

I'm a child of the 70's.

Whenever we were in a traffic jam my brother and I would have a 'shoot out' with any other car / van / truck. Truck drivers seemed most dramatic in their fake deaths.

She wasn't hurt was she?

If she wants to continue then let her.

Everlong · 06/11/2012 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saintlyjimjams · 06/11/2012 12:20

I don't think it means 'little shit'. It means oh my god will you sit down child.

I don't think little shit when I shoot or throttle my children ( pretend ) I am thinking 'will you just stop?'.

I shoot them when I'm in a good mood. When I am annoyed/angry with them I shout.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 06/11/2012 12:21

I don't think it was a "little shit" way. It was just a joke, one that the kids most likely wouldn't have noticed.

saintlyjimjams · 06/11/2012 12:22

And my children don't interpret it as me meaning little shit. If they catch me shooting them they usually play up whatever they were doing to earn the mock shooting more and treat it as an obvious joke.

Violet77 · 06/11/2012 12:23

I would be removing her and having a word around the village. Not responsibly enough to be left with other peoples children IMHO.

Also think three is a bit young.

gnushoes · 06/11/2012 12:24

It was a joke. The little girl doesn't know about it, nor do the other dancers, and I should think the teachers forgot about it seconds later. Are adults not allowed any reactions around children these days???

gwenniebee · 06/11/2012 12:25

I think you're over-reacting - assuming that the shooting thing was jokey (which it sounds like it was). Far better the teachers laugh off her behaviour at this stage (ie her first lesson) than get really cross with her. If you had overheard one say to the other crossly "Ooh, I could shoot that child" you might have cause for complaint, but this? I don't think so.

Lancelottie · 06/11/2012 12:27

Fortunately, half the people you had a word with would cackle, sympathise with the teacher, and continue to send their kids.

The nice kind half could then take their butterflies elsewhere, safe from finger-firearms.

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