Caught ballet teacher pretending to shoot my daughter.

[plumviolet]

Ok, back story.

Dd1 has just turned three this week. I am a sahm with another dd2 who is 18mo. For dd1's birthday we got her ballet lessons in a well known ballet class near us. Lovely class, about 20 girls in pink tutu's between 3 & 4 yo. So cute.

Was really nervous about sending dd in as she has been with me for the last 3 years, no nursery just play group with me there. (Because of the close age gap between dds i haven't been able to get out much to organised classes.) I was amazed, she ran straight in and didn't look back. She's clearly ready to spend some time with other kids her age.

Went to follow her in and was told that mums are not allowed in as it is a distraction for the girls. Thought woohoooo!! Dd2 asleep in pram, i can actually have an hr to myself and maybe go for a coffee nearby, wednesdays are going to be my new favourite day of the week.

(Right if you are still reading, thank you!)

Finished coffee early, was a bit anxious so went back to class and opened door a tiny crack to sneek a peak and was horrified as my daughter was the only child not sitting nicely in a circle and was running around the hall pretending to be a butterfly or something. She was happy as larry and was clearly enjoying herself, but i could see the two teachers trying politely to get her to participate but she ignored them. I then saw one of the teachers make the sign of a gun and pretended to shoot her and then laughed.

Ok, i understand that teachers are human and get frustrated with the rest of us but aibu to be upset by this?

Should i take her out?

Should i say something?

I guess i am upset two fold by this, firstly why is my daughter the only one not participating? I dont expect her to be the class star but i dont want her to be the diffficult one. she loves it and i know she'll get alot out of something like this.

Secondly, surely it's the job of the ballet teachers to keep her interested and not get so annoyed that they want to shoot her!!

I'd take her out. She's too young and the teacher was inappropriate. You saw it and doubtless a few of the other kids did too. They're not much older than babies. How unpleasant. They're in loco parentis or whatever the term is and shouldn't be acting like that even if they felt like it - kids could copy. I'd also demand my money back for the rest of the course if you've paid upfront and would get quite shirty if they tried to keep that back from me. Find a soft play type activity so she can run around. Plenty of time for ballet.

who cares?

sorry i mean

YABU

I'd give it a few more sessions before quitting.

I'd tell your dd that your saw her mucking about and if she continues to do so at future lessons you'll pull her out. I think that she needs a few sessions to realise the social norms of group situations- especially if she starts school next September.

Is she just 3 or nearly 4? I think that there is a big difference between the 2.

When I used to get things wrong in Latin class, my teacher used to pretend to shoot me, or put me through her mincing machine. It was her way of showing I was frustrating her by being so bloody bad at Latin I thought it was hilarious.

Miss you, Mrs John!

If it is a class for 3 and 4 year olds, then the teachers should be catering for all the children in the group. It was your daughter's first time and she was probably excited, so don't worry about her behqaviour.

I think the 'shooting' thing is really out of order. Personally, I would say what I had seen. The teacher will rightly be embarrassed, but hopefully will NEVER do that again to another child!!!

I would give it another go, and see if your DD enjoys it (I would also be keeping an eye through a crack in the door too!!!). Ballet seems one of those things that parents are not invited to observe, I'm not sure why??

Just 3 this week.

She's just a normal 3 yr old. I've taken my 3 yr old DD to ballet classes and there's always a child going "free range". The teachers take it all in their stride. The parents sit behind a curtain though so the teachers wouldn't get away with getting frustrated with them openly.

I work with children with challenging behaviour and I would never even think to pretend to shoot them when they're not doing what you've asked them to. You just don't do that. It's really unprofessional.

It's a bit of a tricky one to bring up though. I would do as others have suggested, ask them if she's ready for the class, or if she just needs time to settle. Though it's obviously not nice to see, on reflection I wouldn't take it too personally.

I think this is an awful thing to do, regardless of who saw it.

If the teachers can't interact properly with a little girl who has loads of energy and loves to dance around but isn't used to formal class yet, they don't sound like very good dance teachers. More like drill sergeants in leggings.

You can probably find a better class for your DD.

You're overreacting. I would much rather see the teachers laughing at each other than shouting at your dd. If she'd been running around the whole time it can disrupt the whole class - much better that you have people running the class who can joke about it rather than get angry.

I'd give her a couple of weeks and ask the teachers whether she's ready. She should be able to sit down/follow group instructions for a few minutes (not much longer) by the age of three - so it may be that she was just giddy with excitement and will calm down in a few weeks especially if it was her first outing with group expectations. If she struggles with it maybe look for something less formal where you can stay (if that will help, ds3 is always a nightmare when I'm around, behaves much better with me out the room).

Pretended Shooting is out if order. Good your DD enjoyed herself though . If it's the first time she's left without you in a formal(ish) setting, I don't think it was a good idea though. You need to start her off in a less formal, playgroup setting. Or at least have a word with the teacher(s) that she's not used to organised activities.

I think 3 is old enough to sit and listen especially if all the others are. I think it's unprofessional of the teacher and would probably pick them up on it but in a smiley no aggressive way.

Inappropriate??? It was a joke, surely? What was inappropriate was your dd being the only one free styling all around the room when all the other were sitting quietly on a circle.
If the discipline is not for her, take her out, but not because the teachers are "inappropriate".

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable. Perhaps ask how your daughter is settling/joining in.

Also could look for an alternative class; my own three year old really disliked the time spent on a circle aspect of one ballet class but enjoys a more formal class, oddly enough.

If they were looking, pissed off, if they weren't? Meh.

If she's just 3 then I'd wait a few more sessions before pulling her out. If she's not settled by the Christmas holidays- 6 weeks time then I'd stop but as long as she's keen I'd persevere.

Talk to her about the class and whether she noticed how the other children were behaving. Talk to her about listening to the teachers and putting your hand up if you need help or don't understand. These things are obvious to people who have been to nursery etc but probably not to your dd.

I make shooting gestures behind my children's backs all the time. I also mime a lot of Homer Simpsonesque style throttling on DS.

I sometimes load up an imaginary semi automatic type sub machine gun behind DH.

If one of my 2 were at a class and had made it till the end without a teacher wanting to fake shoot them I'd be bursting with pride.

If this was way of dealing with your DD with humor (if a little dark and not to everyone's taste) rather than more strictly and potentially putting her off then YABU.

Keep taking her to the classes! She'll settle into them eventually and I'd rather my DC was left with people who had a sense of humor when dealing with a three year old child. If she is new to socialising and the rules of behaving in groups she'll get a lot more than the ability to dance out of the class.

I say this as someone who was asked to leave gymnastics as my 3 year old was being a bit "free range", we found a different class with a different approach and he soon settled (within 3 classes) and it did wonders for him.

All those saying the OP is overreacting how would you feel if your dc's teacher pretended to shoot them?

Well, if my child was obviously not doing as they were told etc. I'd laugh to be honest because I'd know exactly where they were coming from.

I am intrigued. You have never let your daughter into social situations such as this before, you have never taken her to a class, yet you expected her to have learnt appropriate behaviour?

I think this is a bigger issues than the teachers laughing and joking about with a "play shooting" that a 3 year old would be unlikely to understand.

To be honest, I would just say "I am sorry my daughter is not behaving in class, but I would appreciate you dont pretend shoot her, as this is not an appropriate way to get a child to sit down with the group".

Or something like that.

"I agree, she is too young for a formal class, but she is not immature for her age, she is behaving like a normal just-turned-three year old."

All the other three year olds were sitting down and doing as they were told.
I think it is important to find out whether the inablity to follow instructions was a one off or whether she is like it every week. What is your dd like at nursery?

I would be very worried about a three year old who regularly did not follow instructions. Every child can have a bad day though. If every session is a bad session or she misbehaves elsewhere then it could indicate a developmental problem like glue ear.

Tweasels, my DS would love you. How do you mime loading up a semi automatic, pushing a load of ammo in the stock?

Is the dance teacher Abby Lee Miller?

I'm hardly surprised that she's prancing around if she's never been away from her mother before now. Perhaps your anxiousness is indicative of a somewhat stifled little girl who has not had a chance to grasp some independent behaviour.

I struggle to see that it's that much of an issue really, poor teachers were likely exasperated.