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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give my parents soup when they come to see me?

170 replies

twinsufficient · 03/11/2012 18:37

This happened a year ago but is still bugging me that supposedly I was in the wrong. My parents came over for the day (3 hour round trip) and for lunch I served some nice fresh (bought) soup with plenty of crusty bread and cheesecake for afters. Following the visit my dm was very distant with me for 4 months. She wouldn't ring me, declined invites to visit and was plain nasty to me on my birthday. Despite this dh and I took dm out for her birthday, bought a cake etc.
Then a week later she phones me to tell me how disgusting it was of me to only give them soup 4 months ago! I told her to get a life and put the phone down. She eventually caved in and rang me but not to apologise just to justify her points! She drives me potty most of the time but was ibu? Please reassure me that I'm not the meanie she's making me out to be

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 03/11/2012 18:39

My Dad used to actually ask me for soup when I was around. I made my own to be fair but I don't think he would have cared if I'd bought some fresh soup. He just loved it and didn't get it often enough for him.

NettoSpookerstar · 03/11/2012 18:40

Your mother is weird, and rude.
What's wrong with soup? Confused

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 03/11/2012 18:42

YANBU!

I mean, I can (if I squint) juuust about see them getting a little bit ticked off not having a big meal after a long car journey, but nothing they couldn't quietly deal with in a 30 second snipe in the car on the way home.

That reaction is very OTT. What did she have in mind, roast swan served off Daniel Craig's chest?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 03/11/2012 18:42

She sounds insane. But tbh I wouldn't ever serve bought soup as a meal to people who'd come quite a way to see us. Big pan of homemade soup with good bread, cheese and pudding a different matter...

LittleBairn · 03/11/2012 18:42

Your mother sounds nuts! Even if they did feel bothered by it to let it effect your relationship for so long is poisonous.
That said it was a long trip maybe they see hungry and expecting a more substantial lunch? But still to sulk for 4 months is OTT.

emsyj · 03/11/2012 18:43

YANBU. You were exactly right in saying that she needs to get a life.

Isandri · 03/11/2012 18:44

As long as you something more filling with it, (which you did) I don't see there being any problem with soup.

cozietoesie · 03/11/2012 18:45

People over a certain age do tend to see a meal as containing meat, veg and gravy. But to sulk aggressively all this time is just crazy. Is she like this on other matters?

toucancancan · 03/11/2012 18:50

Out of interest, what were the points she used to justify herself?

Original poster
twinsufficient · 03/11/2012 18:51

She is toxic and therefore very difficult to get on with. She's never pleased with anything you do for her. I got her strictly tour tickets last year for Xmas and she moaned about everything - the time, the seats, the fact it was dark on the way home! She even said she couldn't believe we'd paid so much for the tickets. There seriously is no way of dealing with her!

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 03/11/2012 18:53

I think I might have been slightly irked had you served a can of Heinz tomato, but fresh soup, yummy bread and cheesecake sounds perfectly fine.
To sulk for 4 months, wtf?
Also very interested in her justification?

Raspberrysorbet · 03/11/2012 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 03/11/2012 18:54

Its soup. Its lunchtime. its a spot on thing to served. What was she expecting, canapes followed by three courses of a la carte and a bloody cheeseboard?

And to punish you for it for so long? «shakes head»

KellyElly · 03/11/2012 18:54

If you had served soup for dinner it would have been unreasonable but still not enough to bear a grudge! Soup for lunch is a perfectly reasonable lunch. They're lucky they don't have my mother as a child. She expects people to get food at a service station on the way and wouldn't dream of feeding them.

IslaValargeone · 03/11/2012 18:54

Ah, she's one of those.
You need to work on your don't let it get to you skills, takes some time, but it does get easier.

CaliforniaLeaving · 03/11/2012 18:55

YANBU she is, Soup, bread and cheesecake is a big meal in this house, and perfectly acceptable to serve to guests arriving for Lunch.
You could have served a 4 course meal with wine followed by a nice cheese board and she wouldn't be pleased by the sound of it.

Original poster
twinsufficient · 03/11/2012 18:56

Toucan - she said how difficult I was and how by serving her soup I obviously didn't love her!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 03/11/2012 18:57

Cozies aggressive sulking sums it up nicely, that's one of the oddest things I've ever heard someone get so angry about!

Even if you'd fed her greggs and a panda pop there'd be no reason to be like this with you, she accepted your hospitality at the time and didn't say anything afterwards for four months.

Can I ask why you and your DH did that for her birthday? To go to such trouble for someone who obviously doesn't value you is a bit doormatty.

Are you looking for her approval? Or think you must have a relationship with her regardless of the cost?

By the time I post this you've probably said about a huge backstory, because I can't believe this is a one off incident.

ethelb · 03/11/2012 18:58

No yanbu. Lunch is a normal lunch time meal ffs.

But parents are weird about food at their childrens' houses. I'm still seething after my mother huffily told me that it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without turkey after asking me to host. Hmmmm...

AgentZigzag · 03/11/2012 19:00

'she said how difficult I was and how by serving her soup I obviously didn't love her!'

She's not showing a whole lot of love for her daughter is she? Hmm

If there's no dealing with her, then don't!

You won't be arrested for it and you'll be a lot happier.

QuickLookBusy · 03/11/2012 19:02

You didn't just serve her soup twin. She had crusty bread and cheese too.

Being off with your DD for 4 months over lunch??? I really feel for you.

marriedinwhite · 03/11/2012 19:02

Was it Sunday lunch?

To be fair if my parents had made a special trip to visit involving a three hour round trip (theirs is three and a half hours) I would not serve bought soup and bread and shop bought cheesecake for lunch.

Your mother has been rude and discourteous but I'm afraid I do think you could have served something a bit better - not saying you deserved the behaviour but I do think you could have provided a meal that said a bit better that you wanted to do something a bit more special.

If my mum lived round the corner and it was a week day then fine.

ethelb · 03/11/2012 19:02

sorry, soup is a normal lunch time meal!!

Fakebook · 03/11/2012 19:03

I think it's a bit rude to not go to any trouble for guests coming from so far away. They're your Mum and Dad, don't you know what kind of food they like? Like I know my Dad loves a roast chicken, and go out of my way to make the best for him when he's here.

I can't really comment about the soup...was it tinned or powdery quick soup?They both taste fake and nasty to me. I wouldn't dream of serving that to any guest. I think all shop bought soups taste shit though. It's the preservatives.

Your mother, however, is being unreasonable about stewing over it for 4 months. She should have told you there and then.

Proudnscary · 03/11/2012 19:04

I think soup's a rubbish lunch. But that is totally irrelevant. It doesn't matter if she thought your meal was the most disgusting/inadequate lunch she had ever eaten - you made her food with all good intentions and it was just a meal on a day they were coming to see you and yours. She is an incredibly unreasonable, cruel loon to put you through months of shit over this. My sympathies.