to give my parents soup when they come to see me?

[twinsufficient]

This happened a year ago but is still bugging me that supposedly I was in the wrong. My parents came over for the day (3 hour round trip) and for lunch I served some nice fresh (bought) soup with plenty of crusty bread and cheesecake for afters. Following the visit my dm was very distant with me for 4 months. She wouldn't ring me, declined invites to visit and was plain nasty to me on my birthday. Despite this dh and I took dm out for her birthday, bought a cake etc.
Then a week later she phones me to tell me how disgusting it was of me to only give them soup 4 months ago! I told her to get a life and put the phone down. She eventually caved in and rang me but not to apologise just to justify her points! She drives me potty most of the time but was ibu? Please reassure me that I'm not the meanie she's making me out to be

Sounds lovely! Homemade or shop bought I don't give a flying fig. I visit people to see them not to rate them on their cooking skills.

IMO your mum would've complained whatever you made her.

I don't really understand all this "long journey" stuff. They travelled in a car for a while, which presumably involved one of them sitting down, doing nothing for an hour or a few. They didn't trek to your house with their worldly possessions on your back, arriving desperate for sustenance. I don't see how anyone would need something more than soup to refresh them from their terrible exhausting and draining journey in a car

Soup is fine. There is nothing wrong with soup.

It two issues: The first that the OP's mother is ridiculous; the second that for some serving soup would be a perfectly acceptable and lovely lunch and for others it wouldn't.

If soup and good bread is fine with you and yours that's fine. I have MIL arriving in four hours and because it's Sunday there will be a full roast, today because we have a visitor who will have travelled more than 200 miles, it is a double rib of beef with all the trimmings. If she were arriving tomorrow, she would be coming into an empty house (we're all at work/school) and she would have to help herself to cold meat and salad from the fridge but she would get a nice supper with the family and I would make a bit more effort than if it were just us.

As for the person who would be disappointed if 'even' the woman down the road 'just' gave them soup for lunch - how entitled are you?

Ahem, that was me. I am not entitled at all (at least I don't think so). I make the effort to make a proper meal when guests visit. It doesn't mean I spend hours slaving in the kitchen (although sometimes I do). But it does mean giving it proper thought, having a starter, main and dessert which go together and providing good wine.

It is sending the message that 'I care enough about you enough to make an effort'. It seems to be the norm, at least with my friends, neighbours and family to host in a similar way.

When the neighbour down the road invited me for lunch last time, she served some market bought puff-pastry type starts, a main of lamb for the meat eaters and a zucchini bake for me, lovely roquefort cheese and I can't remember if they was a dessert. Plus good wine and a nicely laid table outside.

It probably took under an hour to do all the prep, but the impression it left was lovely. What if she had served just soup? It would have been perfectly fine if it was a spur-of-the-moment last minute invite. Otherwise, it would have been just strange, given the norm around where I live.

I guess it depends on what OP's mum prepares for lunch when she has OP over. If she makes a proper meal, then OP should have reciprocated accordingly or if she had no time, just taken her parents out for lunch.

Actually, even leaving OP's mum's sulking aside, I think it is a bit of a strange lunch. Unbalanced, with a light main followed by a heavy dessert. I think I would be happy with a stew followed by a fresh, crisp apple.

I would find planning a cohesive three course menu with matched wine every time family dropped over utterly exhausting. I enjoy cooking and putting together an occasional dinner party menu, but for a casual lunch with my parents? Nope. When close family join us for meals they are served what we would normally eat, and that would be soup or a similar light meal at lunchtime, something heartier for the evening, and no airs and graces. Doesn't family mean you can drop the formalities? I think my mother would believe me to have lift the plot if I served an elaborate menu when she visited.

I treat my inlaws the same when they visit - 2-3 times a year. They are here to see us, they participate in family life and that means casual family meals not entertainment dining. I've never considered that they might not be ok with that. I don't really care if they aren't. Like it it lump it, or go to a bloody restaurant.

That's it for me though Welsh because our parents only can visit tow/three times a year I like to pull the stops out. If they were round the corner and popping in all the time then I wouldn't go to so much trouble.

when i first read the thread title, i thought it was a case of 'whenever my parents arrive, i give them soup, i continue to give them soup because i like to see them with a dish or a cup and i want them to feel warm and cosy on their journey home so before they leave, i give them soup. that's ok isn't it?'

that would be too much soup.

Was it cup-a-soup with a twist?

Flatbread, if I ate all that and drank wine, I would sleep for the rest of the day. That is too much for most people's mid day meal especially if they have to drive any distance after.

To be honest if someone drove for an hour and a half to visit me and the same back home again I wouldn't just serve them soup and bread and a bit of cake.
From that point of view I can understand that your mother was a bit pissed off.

However, sulking and making a big issue out of something so trivial is way OTT. She sounds very difficult and I imagine even if you'd gone to a bit of trouble with lunch she'd still have found something to complain about.

I don't know why everyone's talking as if the only alternative to shop-bought soup would have been a three-course roast.

For a long distance day visit I'd do something hearty and easy like stew or risotto with salad and bread, plus bought pudding. But I don't suppose that would have pleased your mum either.

I served my dsis homemade carrot and coriander soup with a crusty rolls she then asked what what was for lunch. A woman who comes with her two arms as long as each other for any social gathering.
Mental I love a nice soup myself. Not sure why some people clearly have a problem with good old soup or just have a problem with things full stop.

if i was invited for lunch or supper with anybody i would be most surprised if i were faced with a large or substancial cooked meal, i probally would struggle to eat it and it could/would throw off any plans i had made for dinner in my own home (obviously not if it were supper).

i would concider it to be poor manors, show a lack of concideration and it would make me uncomfortable.

soup for lunch or anything light is perfectly acceptable.

You'd think it inconsiderate and poor manners to be served a large cooked meal if you travelled an hour and a half to spend the day at someone's house?

I've heard it all on here now.

All these people talking about what is and isn't appropriate for a visitor, this isn't a 'visitor', it's her mum. My mum travels a 5 hour round trip. We usually get Chinese (her choice, well actually she'd prefer KFC or MaccD's & wouldn't appreciate my home cooking). If the house is a bit of a mess, or the washing up not done etc., it doesn't matter because it's my mum not the Queen of Sheeba. OP your mum does sound toxic, and I know a bit what that is like (my mum has her own quirks in other ways) and it is hard to stand up to her. No advice really but you weren't in the wrong at all.

Oh I love cup a soup with a twist!

IT WAS A YEAR AGO, GET OVER IT!!!

at lunch time, yes i would.

however if i were invited for dinner then ofcourse i wouldnt.

My grandmother (who raised me so stood in place of a mother) once drove for three hours to stay with me so she could help out in my first week away at university as I was a single parent. I made her a POT NOODLE when she arrived. She didn't speak to me the whole week she was there except to tell me that she almost got in her car and drove all the way home again and then blanked me for the next three months.

At the time I thought she was being completely unreasonable but now, almost twenty years later, I cringe IN SHAME. A fucking POT NOODLE. It wasn't even one of the nicer ones and there definitely wasn't any mitigating crusty bread or cheesecake to go with it.

OP, YANBU.