to give my parents soup when they come to see me?

[twinsufficient]

This happened a year ago but is still bugging me that supposedly I was in the wrong. My parents came over for the day (3 hour round trip) and for lunch I served some nice fresh (bought) soup with plenty of crusty bread and cheesecake for afters. Following the visit my dm was very distant with me for 4 months. She wouldn't ring me, declined invites to visit and was plain nasty to me on my birthday. Despite this dh and I took dm out for her birthday, bought a cake etc.
Then a week later she phones me to tell me how disgusting it was of me to only give them soup 4 months ago! I told her to get a life and put the phone down. She eventually caved in and rang me but not to apologise just to justify her points! She drives me potty most of the time but was ibu? Please reassure me that I'm not the meanie she's making me out to be

How can anyone fall out over food!

We once travelled 3 hrs to see MIL and the rest of DH's family. I was very hungry. MIL had made a big roast dinner for everyone. I got a boiled egg. Seriously. A boiled egg rolling around on a dinner plate. Everyone else was tucking into a full roast. I was chasing a boiled egg around.
Oh, I also had a glass with celery sticks shoved in it. I don't like celery. Unless it's in soup.

So it happened a year ago and you still can't get over your mother's overreaction which happened what, 8 months ago. She simmered for 4 months after you served her soup. I would say you are quite similar. I find all this mother/parents bashing quite juvenile. Whatever they did to you it is you who is an adult now and should be able to deal with them in a grown up way.

And UNBU, soup!s fine. Unless it was Sunday and you're parents are used to having Sinday lunch at lunch time. But really your mother should have got over it about a year ago. Or 10 mins after it happened.

Sorry, but soup is a perfectly acceptable lunch in my house. If people want dinner here, they have to stay till dinner time!

I'd happily cook a roast dinner at dinner time if I had visitors, but I wouldn't be cooking a dinner at lunchtime.

Why would I?

A roast dinner is just that - a DINNER. Soup is a lunch.

Therefore, to me, serving soup at lunchtime is therefore totally acceptable.

It's not that I'm not a good host, it's that I don't cook a dinner at lunchtime, and would pull faces at anybody that thought I would.

And even if people are 'used' to having 'Sunday lunch' (wtf is Sunday lunch if not soup, anyway?) at lunchtime, surely they know that you have a 'roast dinner' rather than a 'Sunday lunch', and adjust their expectations accordingly?

Tufty, lol. Was your mil trying to send you a message?

I presume you are vegetarian. Couldn't you have the veggie sides?

tufty why were you given a boiled egg and everyone else got Sunday roast? Please share!

Tuftyfinch are you a vegetarian, or does your MIL just not like you ? Not suggesting that a boiled egg is an acceptable vegetarian alternative to a roast dinner, though!

Flathead I am vegetarian and yes would have been very, very happy to eat the exact same meal as the rest of DH's family except the meat! it was the first time I'd met them all and I was . I finished my egg in about 2 minutes and dutifully said "that was lovely, thank you". Then had to play with the celery whist they continued to eat for a further 15 minutes. It was excruciating.

Tufty that is hilarious and dreadful all at once.

I think I would have done an Oliver Twist and asked for more.

What has happened since? What did DH say? You have to tell us.

So has something else happened to make you worry about this now? Or is she still going on about it? Or do you have a whole pile of other issues and this is the one at the top?

Anyhow. Next time she says "you shouldn't have done xyz, you obviously don't love me" your answer is an offhand, unconcerned "nah, guess not then".

And next time they visit, offer a cup of tea. If they ask about food, say you didn't want to offer the wrong thing and cause another four-month sulk.

Lol at the range of views over whether it is ok to serve soup or not though! A question for the soup-nay-sayers though - if you visited family and were served soup, would you interpret that as them not loving you, or would you enjoy their company anyway, and think maybe they were busy, or maybe they like soup a lot?

ty to being vegetarian. I've never worked out if she genuinely thought that's what vegetarians eat or? DH's family had never encountered a real, live vegetarian before.
Conversation with SIL went like this:
SIL: do you eat pizza?
Me: yes, if it hasn't got meat on it.
SIL: oh, right. Do you eat Chinese?
Me: yes, if it hasn't got meat in it.
SIL: oh, right. Do you eat curry?
Me: giving DH the eye (he is crying with laughter) yees, if it hasn't got meat in it.
Ad infinitum.
I think there was a story in the local paper when I mentioned herbal tea.

Aah thats it then. OP, next time they visit, serve up a roast for everyone and give your mum a boiled egg. Tell her you wanted to make her feel special ...

I wouldn't serve a veggie one of my roast dinners - my potatoes are cooked in goose fat or dripping, the gravy is made from the meat juice, so all they'd be getting is a plate of veg.

Tufty, you will the shite lunch award. OP's mother can go suck on eggs for her ridiculous behavior! Wtf. Grow up.

WIN the shite lunch award.

I always serve homemade soup to guests at lunch time.

SHe sounds toxic op!
We have travelled to mil's in the past to be greeted with a frozen chicken that dh "could do something with".
Er no, you are the host, you prepare unless something has been decided previously. We ended up going to the takeaway and paying for mil's and bil's. it was a long time before we went again.
I didn't sulk about it, just said it was unacceptable.
Soup and crusty bread is ideal for lunch but someone has already said that she probably expected a full black tie dinner!

I'd tell her to fuck off I think.

Sometimes when we visit people we get beautiful plates of wonderfully presented food that has obviously taken hours to prepare. Other friends serve a supermarket pie and oven chips.

I am grateful for them both to be honest. I appreciate the work that has gone into the former, and the care, but I don't feel... aggrieved at the second type of meal. Not everyone enjoys cooking, not everyone is good at it.

It's nice to see the people, the company is the important thing.

I think your mum was ungrateful and rude OP.
I like soup! I think it's a normal lunch thing to eat.

Completely nuts. Soup is a perfectly acceptable lunch, and even if she didn't like it and thought you were starving her after a long trip, it ought to take her no more than an hour to get over herself. Four months is insane.

My parents live in another country. When DP and I visit, the home made soup my mother always has waiting for us when we arrive (after a long trip involving far too many forms of transport) is one of the best things about getting there.

Oh God I must be the worlds worst daughter! when DM visits us she usually brings lunch with her so as not to put me out

OP, soup is a perfectly nice lunch. And for your mother to be cross about it four months later is ridiculous. But it's equally ridiculous for you to be fretting about this one year later FFS.

This isn't about the soup, is it?

I'd say its because you didn't serve it in the garden with a fire and picnic blanket- that family seem super happy with their CANNED soup!!