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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give my parents soup when they come to see me?

170 replies

twinsufficient · 03/11/2012 18:37

This happened a year ago but is still bugging me that supposedly I was in the wrong. My parents came over for the day (3 hour round trip) and for lunch I served some nice fresh (bought) soup with plenty of crusty bread and cheesecake for afters. Following the visit my dm was very distant with me for 4 months. She wouldn't ring me, declined invites to visit and was plain nasty to me on my birthday. Despite this dh and I took dm out for her birthday, bought a cake etc.
Then a week later she phones me to tell me how disgusting it was of me to only give them soup 4 months ago! I told her to get a life and put the phone down. She eventually caved in and rang me but not to apologise just to justify her points! She drives me potty most of the time but was ibu? Please reassure me that I'm not the meanie she's making me out to be

OP posts:
McKayz · 04/11/2012 09:18

Dinky there is no MIL in this thread.

dinkybinky · 04/11/2012 09:21

Goodness, I would NEVER speak to my Mother like that or serve her shop brought soup.

Dancergirl · 04/11/2012 09:21

I agree she was v rude and sulky BUT soup is a starter! Fine for a quick snacky meal but if she's driven all that time to see you, a more substantial meal is what's required. Sorry!

You'll know for next time.

McKayz · 04/11/2012 09:23

She had driven an hour and a half. Not very far at all. My PIL are 4 hours away and I couldn't careless what's for lunch. I just want to see them.

cory · 04/11/2012 09:28

I am very fond of cooking elaborate meals.

I am also very fond of soup.

Didn't know the two were mutually exclusive.

KellyElly · 04/11/2012 09:48

soup is a starter! in a restaurant yes but at home at lunch time soup, bread and cheese cake is a completely adequate lunch. Soup would be a starter if you were serving dinner.

ArthurandGeorge · 04/11/2012 09:54

I gave my dad soup and crusty bread last time he visited at lunch (Mum had a sandwich instead), what's more last time I visited my parents at lunch we all had soup and I took my own homemade bread!

Soup is a perfectly acceptable lunch, especially with nice bread and a pudding. Your Mum is clearly toxic for treating you badly for 4 months because of soup. In fact, treating you badly at all because of soup would be bonkers, surely?

KellyElly · 04/11/2012 10:06

Also you sound like you have no respect for your elders after the way you spoke to your MIL. The OP is a grown woman not five years old. Respect is a two way street.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/11/2012 10:07

Sorry not read last 2 pages.

You did say they'd come to spend the day with you. So presumably they'd then have to travel 1.5 hours home and start cooking a main meal seeing as they'd only had a light lunch. I'm guessing that's what she was annoyed about - shed probably assumed her main meal of the day would be at yours so planned nothing for her own evening meal at home. More so if it was a Sunday when a lot of peo

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/11/2012 10:10

Ffs iphone

....People have roast dinner for Sunday lunch.

But bloody hell if this happened to me I would just stop at the chippy on the way back. Your Mum's behaviour is childish and pathetic.

Although why didn't u have a discussi

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/11/2012 10:10

Aaarrgh!!!

a dusscuss

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/11/2012 10:11

I give up!!!!

What I was trying to say was that me and my mum always discuss what we're going to serve up when we invite each other.

GobblersSparklyExplodingKnob · 04/11/2012 10:31

dusscuss

Grin
fragola · 04/11/2012 10:34

Bloody hell, people are starving in much of the world and someone gets a strop on for four months for being served soup for lunch. I despair!

soundevenfruity · 04/11/2012 10:45

fragola, and the op gets a strop about the same thing on for 8 months. I bet her mum also compained to anybody who would listen about the soup trip.

IslaValargeone · 04/11/2012 10:47

If my parents visit just for the day, they have a 3 hour round trip. We often have soup, naice bread and a pudding for lunch. Most people would be overfaced by a big lunch.
If they were coming for dinner or staying over, I would still do soup for lunch and make a 'proper' evening meal.
I'm really surprised that people think a journey of an hour and a half requires canapes and petit fours.

Tryharder · 04/11/2012 10:48

LOL at the outrage at shop bought soup!

Presumably the OP means lovely fresh expensive soup in a plastic carton as opposed to Asda Smart Price Tomato.

It's lunch. Bread and soup is a normal lunch and the cheesecake would make it a special occasion for me. How bizarre that she would find offence in that.

soundevenfruity · 04/11/2012 10:54

It is not what everybody else thinks it's what these particular people consider normal. If her mother always made a "proper" meal for guests then serving her shop bought soup would be considered a wind up. Also if you cook yourself you can normally taste shop bought. OP just inherited a complete inability to communicate own needs but she is not a child and could teach herself. We also normally discuss with my mum what to have when visiting.

hackmum · 04/11/2012 10:58

This thread is a bit of an eye-opener for me. Lunch is always, always light in this house, and if we had guests (unless specifically invited around for Sunday lunch, which is rare), they would get pretty much what the OP provided - soup and bread. Frankly, they'd be lucky to get a pudding as well! So it's a surprise to discover there's a whole world of people out there who think it's rude to provide a lunch of soup and bread and would insist on providing a fully cooked meal.

Lovecat · 04/11/2012 11:01

pmsl @ 1.5 hours is 'a long journey' - as someone who drives 4 hours on a good traffic day to see their mum and is regularly greeted with a cold Sayers Cheese n' Onion pasty by way of lunch on arrival (I loved them when I was a teen, she has never forgotten this), I think all these 'soup is not a meal' types are incredibly precious and really should wind their necks in.

Soup and bread is a lovely lunch, Heinz tinned tom soup is the nuts.

I go to my family and friends to see them, not to be waited on hand and foot. As for the person who would be disappointed if 'even' the woman down the road 'just' gave them soup for lunch - how entitled are you? Hmm

Mind you, OP, I do think it's daft for you to be allowing it to get to you for so long afterwards. Your mum was awful to stew for 4 months, but you brooding over it is really no better. The past is done, let it go :)

IslaValargeone · 04/11/2012 11:01

Ultimately, in this particular case I think the the OP could have served grouse shot by Prince Charles and her mother would still have found fault.
For god's sake the woman sulked for 4 months, he's a nutter, no offence op.

anniewoo · 04/11/2012 11:03

If i invited people over for lunch i would serve more than soup and pudding. Soup would be a starter. We usually have dinner in the evening though so lunch( without guests) is light.

exoticfruits · 04/11/2012 11:05

I generally make it quite clear what they are invited to-therefore I generally say 'I will do a snack lunch'.

IslaValargeone · 04/11/2012 11:06

she

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream · 04/11/2012 11:06

Your mum is a loon tbh.

I don't even like soup. Tinned, home made or shop bought posh shit makes no difference to me.