to give my parents soup when they come to see me?

[twinsufficient]

This happened a year ago but is still bugging me that supposedly I was in the wrong. My parents came over for the day (3 hour round trip) and for lunch I served some nice fresh (bought) soup with plenty of crusty bread and cheesecake for afters. Following the visit my dm was very distant with me for 4 months. She wouldn't ring me, declined invites to visit and was plain nasty to me on my birthday. Despite this dh and I took dm out for her birthday, bought a cake etc.
Then a week later she phones me to tell me how disgusting it was of me to only give them soup 4 months ago! I told her to get a life and put the phone down. She eventually caved in and rang me but not to apologise just to justify her points! She drives me potty most of the time but was ibu? Please reassure me that I'm not the meanie she's making me out to be

YANBU your mums behaviour was well out of order, why did she not tell you how she felt at te time and have it over with. Carrying on for 4 months and being nasty was plain nasty.

Yabu for serving soup and bread after they had a hour journey

Meant 3 hur journey, of ores they want something more substantial

Yanbu - if I went for lunch and my DD serve soup or a full roast I would be polite and thank her .
Dreadfully bad manners to be so rude and unkind to youOP
I thinks she is looking for reasons to be nasty.

I can't believe people say things like "they'd be unimpressed" like wtf!! My parents come round and want to see their grandchild, they would never moan about what was served and it's always varied from sandwiches to buying a takeaway for them. Your mum sounds like a nutter.

She shouldn't have frozen you out but you were a bit off giving them soup!

YANBU. You know this. I have some relatives that are a bit like this. My Grandmother held a grudge against her cousin for over a year because she accidently picked up two slices of tea cake (stuck together) and her cousin pointed it out - they only see each other once a year, neither has much family - but my gran refused to visit her on her annual trip to her cousins town because of the cake incident. My MiL once walked out of a restaurant because they didn't serve her favoured drink.

Key to get that it is about her and not you and not let her get to you.

Piglet she only had an hour and a half's journey if it was a three hour round trip.

OP I know it's hard because she's your mum but I think you need to not give this anymore headspace. You were perfectly hospitable, and to not talk to you for four months and say you don't love her because she didn't like what you'd cooked, is silly.

I would never serve anyone bought soup. A good homemade soup with the crusty bread is quite another matter. Not sure if it's quite the right lunch for a visitor who's had and hour and half journey, though, more the kind of thing I'd serve when eating alone/with DH.

However, your mum was colossally rude to sulk/complain.

My dm would always offer soup in that situation. HTH.

Oh right Anne. Yes homemade soup would be much better, soups not tat hard to make

I'd have been perfectly happy with soup, bread, and cheesecake. (And I'm in my 60s.)

But, it's not really about that lunchtime menu, is it? It's probably because you didn't get up at dark o'clock and slave over a hot stove for hours to produce an exquisitely sumptious meal for the goddess she thinks she is.

I suspect that even if you had done all that, if she had wanted to find fault somehow she would have.

So, IMNVHO, you're neither BU nor a meanie.

I love a good mn soup dilemma.

You were both bu, imo, she for sulking and you for putting the phone down.

Pair of drama queens.

How old were your children, if you have any? How busy were you at work? What else was going on for you?

This isn't about soup, as you well know, it's about your relationship, your mother's testing to see if you 'love her enough' and your frustration that whatever you do isn't right or good enough.

Your mum sulked for 4 months over soup, and now 8 months on you're still brooding over her sulking and wanting to know who's right and who's wrong?

Can I suggest that you both just get the fuck over it.

Soup is fine, i'd be happy with soup

Ignore her she's being OTT

Soup is a starter. A stew is a main. And there is nothing special about crusty bread. It is just a shop-bought baguette or similar.

It does seem OP made very little effort. I would be very surprised if I was invited for lunch and was served just that. Even by my neighbour down the hill. Let alone a close relative whom I have travelled over an hour to meet.

Yanbu

And anyone who would be 'unimpressed' by that sort of lunch isn't worth having over.

Last time I had my elderly grandmothers over I made a chicken and goats cheese salad for lunch followed by homemade marble cake and they complained there was too much food. You cannot win, so stop trying!

Soup for lunch is perfectly fine - on a normal day.

I don't know what relationship you have with your parents, but I pull out all the stops for mine when they visit (I see them every two weeks and usually at their place). I wouldn't dream of serving just soup and bread to them.

Totally agree with Felicity

"You cannot win so stop trying"

this

OP I am quite sure you will have had dozens of soup episodes over the years. think you need to check into the Stately Homes thread.

Why didnt your mum say, soup! I'm bloody starving be a love & nip down the chippy!
Its food fgs, why would it have an impact on a relationship.
how very strange.

& they are not guests they are your parents.

Does driving double the size of your stomach or something? Why does a shortish journey require a 'substantial' lunch to follow?

Lunch is generally a lighter meal than dinner, is it not?

Soup is shite but I wouldn't fall out with anyone for serving it.

Welsh, for us, it depends. When we are working, we have a light lunch. But on weekends and when we have visitors, we do a major meal. Usually a starter (salad in summer, soup in winter), followed by a main (could be something as simple as grilled duck breast and potatoes) followed by either cheese or dessert or both.

It takes hardly any time to prepare and makes visitors (and us) feel a bit special.

yanbu. i am surprised at all the yabus. we get tinned soup at the inlaws for lunch EVERY day we are there (it is a two hour drive to see them) with bread and cheese and tomatoes. They eat that every day themselves. Quite like it, know what to expect. They bring exactly the same when they come to see us (except, inexplicably, when they were visiting 12 hour old ds and brought nothing at all . )