To be annoyed by him coming on to me around our kids?

[jenrose29]

DD1 is 5 yrs old, DD2 is 5 months old, DP is a randy bugger. At weekends we have the kids in bed for cuddles in the morning, DP is always stroking me etc and his 'excitement' is evident. I'm sure if I allowed him to he'd do stuff regardless of the kids. For me, it's irritating and spoils what should be a nice time with the kids. I'm by no means frigid but having the kids there just means I'm not in that mind-set. Yesterday I was breastfeeding a sleeping DD2 on the sofa, DP bent in to give me a kiss, was excited and later said he'd been hoping I'd give him a BJ. Am I being unreasonable to be irritated by his (in my opinion) inappropriate randiness?

I echo every thing expat says.

I didn't say nothing was wrong, obviously I'm not happy with his behaviour or I wouldn't mention it. But for you all to say I'm an awful mother, deserve to lose my children and put him before them is bollocks quite frankly. My children mean a great deal more to me than my relationship and I would never put them in danger; indeed I left DD1's father and moved into a hostel with her to get her out of the awful atmosphere.

'So Jenrose, what is the point of this thread? If you feel nothing is wrong, and you have it all under control why did you post? '

She does so frequently. It's thread after thread trying to rationalise his abuse and enable him further.

He's still married to his ex, has debts, didn't want the baby because it's a girl, expects her to work FT and do all the parenting, is sexually abusive.

Just the type of environment for a child, eh?

oh, god. did you want us all to say "god, you are right, men are such animals"? the things you are correcting are insignificant compared to the bigger issue.

aren't you the poster whose dd has selective mutism?

jen, a good mother would remove her child from this environment.

'My children mean a great deal more to me than my relationship and I would never put them in danger; indeed I left DD1's father and moved into a hostel with her to get her out of the awful atmosphere.'

No, they don't, because you are living with another abuser. This man didn't even want the child you have together because of her gender. He is sexually abusive and abusive in other ways.

But you don't care to see it.

Abusers don't just stop.

jenrose- I have had a read of some of your other threads. I really feel for you, I do. You don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. This is not one. Do you really want your dd to grow up thinking this is the norm?
You can choose a different life for you and your dc. People are frustrated because they know you probably wont and it's fine if you choose this life but it's not fine for your dc.
Perhaps one day you can start a thread in relationships when you are ready and seek support for the journey to be on your own.

I plan to remove them, it is not that simple and easy with no family/friend support.

You need some serious professional help and counselling and honestly, to stop dating or being in relationships for a long, long time while you work on whatever it is that makes you go from abuser to abuser. That's what you do when you put your kids first.

It took SS involvement for my terrific SIL to finally do this.

Hope that you do so before SS becomes involved, but it doesn't sound like you want to.

Jenrose - please go with what mumsnet have offered and take this to relationships. If you truely want a different life then you will get support from mumsnet.

is it your house? where in the uk are you?

So you're not happy with his behaviour jenrose? What do you plan to do about it?

if you are serious, and want to leave him, we can help you. but you have to listen to us.

what eleanor said. posters have been harsh, but thats because its frustrating to keep telling someone something and have it ignored. but we can help you. we want to help you. would you like to start a thread in relationships where you can talk through your options/the practicalities/get support?

Yes it is my house.

To be honest I've already made plans. I just can't end it yet as I need his help to move. It's where I go from there re: contact with DD2 that worries me.

If it is your house, and you're not married, you can throw him out. Change the locks.

You don't have to fix anything, this person is broken beyond the point where you can help him.

This is why his past relationship broke down and why he doesn't see his other children. Because she recognised he's an abuser, a sexual abuser at the least.

'To be honest I've already made plans. I just can't end it yet as I need his help to move. It's where I go from there re: contact with DD2 that worries me. '

No, no you don't.

where in the uk are you? what do you mean you need his help to move?

Look stop being horrid to Jen. It takes time to move and to plan what to do, you don't have a clue f her mental state, I can imagine she is feeling dwn and lost so cut her some slack. Offer practice advise instead of making her feel worse than she probably feels. Have you contacted citizen advice bureaure (sp), woman's aid charity to help. Have you got anyone family r friends who you can stay with for a bt so you have time t figure what to do