Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be annoyed by him coming on to me around our kids?

296 replies

jenrose29 · 29/10/2012 11:11

DD1 is 5 yrs old, DD2 is 5 months old, DP is a randy bugger. At weekends we have the kids in bed for cuddles in the morning, DP is always stroking me etc and his 'excitement' is evident. I'm sure if I allowed him to he'd do stuff regardless of the kids. For me, it's irritating and spoils what should be a nice time with the kids. I'm by no means frigid but having the kids there just means I'm not in that mind-set. Yesterday I was breastfeeding a sleeping DD2 on the sofa, DP bent in to give me a kiss, was excited and later said he'd been hoping I'd give him a BJ. Am I being unreasonable to be irritated by his (in my opinion) inappropriate randiness?

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 29/10/2012 21:53

Pn check is 12 weeks here, I've had 4 dc and noone ever told me not to have sex for 6 weeks after, I was pg by 6 -8 weeks after ds3 and noone battered an eyelid.

However he sounds like one of those annoying dogs that humps your leg whenever you enter a room. You need to make it clear to him how off putting the constant harraament is

I'm not even going to go into the infront of your dc's bit

poorbuthappy · 29/10/2012 21:55

Mmmmm, penetrative sex after 4 weeks is not abusive if both partners are willing.

But, if you don't tell him then he will never know.

OP? are you going to listen to any of us?

Figgygal · 29/10/2012 21:57

Utterly disgusting behaviour do not enable him any further!!

I am utterly horrified for u

CaptainNancy · 29/10/2012 21:59

He isn't her dad is he?

You need to do something now about this man. He is teaching your DD sexualised behaviour, he is grooming her, as he has groomed you.

MNHQ
OliviaMumsnet · 29/10/2012 22:01

Hello there
Do let us know if you would like us to move this thread to our relationships topic
Thanks

fluffypillow · 29/10/2012 22:02

This is more than your dp being 'a randy bugger', he is being abusive towards you and your children. It is inappropriate behaviour, and quite disturbing tbh.

You need to put a stop to this NOW. Make it clear to him that there is a time and a place for sex, and it is NEVER going to happen when the children are in the room/awake in the house. End of. No buts.

This is so creepy OP, really it is. It's not normal. Please take control, you should be enjoying your baby, not feeling like you are being pestered all the time for sex...............what a turn off.

Show him this thread, it may be the wake up call he needs.

BustersOfDoom · 29/10/2012 22:03

What expat said. Nothing will change here.

And I know that sex less than 6 weeks post partum isn't abusive if both partners are willing - even though it goes against medical advice. But saying "I didn't mind" doesn't say to me that the OP was wildly enthusiastic about it, more that she tolerated it. Surely the first time you have sex after childbirth should be quite an important, shared, meaningful event? Where your partner recognises what you've been through and you both enjoy being intimate again? Not that you just "didn't mind" it.

Eurostar · 29/10/2012 22:07

Well OP, you have your answer, you are most definitely not being unreasonable. Do you now feel that you can act to change your situation?

Also, this camcorder is very worrying. He is filming you having sex. What does he do with the film? He may be sharing it with people over the internet.

Were you cared for and looked after properly as a child yourself? Do you have any family that you can turn to for help or are they abusive as well?

IShallCallYouSquishy · 29/10/2012 22:12

I'm nearly crying at this thread. I just feel for you and your babies Sad

OP please take your children and get away from this man. He is sexually controlling if not abusive to you and wanting to have sex in front of your children is sick. And a BJ whine you are breast feeding? Ask yourself, what kind of man gets off on the fact you are breast feeding his daughter?! My DH does nothing more then give me a peck on the cheek/lips if I'm feeding and that's only if he has just come in/going out.
I'll echo everything PP have said. This man is abusive.
GET YOUR CHILDREN AWAY FROM THIS MAN

expatinscotland · 29/10/2012 22:13

Betcha the ex left him because of his abuse and keeps him well away from their children.

mamamibbo · 29/10/2012 22:19

i hope op realises whats happening and leaves

or i really hope someone reports them to ss and ive never said that before

Conflugenglugen · 29/10/2012 22:25

AF - that's what I meant, but didn't explain myself well. Detached and disconnected are more accurate.

Shakey1500 · 29/10/2012 22:26

I think you're right expat in that she will never leave. Personally I'm just staggered that anyone could conveniently ignore what every single person has said on this (and other) threads.

So, OP, exactly WHAT are you going to do?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 29/10/2012 22:43

I think we know what she is going to do

Sweet FA

CaptainNancy · 29/10/2012 23:04

Eurostar- OP is estranged from her family.

cestlavielife · 29/10/2012 23:47

Is he your older dd.s biological father ?

cranverry · 30/10/2012 02:21

I just feel so, so sorry for you and your daughters. You need to put them first and get the hell away from that man.

Nooneelseisallowedafergus · 30/10/2012 07:04

No he is not the older daughters father. I think this makes it slightly more worrying than it already is.

Everlong · 30/10/2012 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fromparistoberlin · 30/10/2012 08:27

wow
personally I would NOT blame OP for not coming back

yes her husband is behaving very poorly, its worrying

but some of the comments here have quite disturbed me

"your post made me vomit"
"leave the bastard"
"disgusting"
"you are a bad mother enabling this"

IF this chap is an abuser, maybe more sensitive, less reactive and frankly less hostile posts might be helpful??

yes again the MN pack mentality has kicked in, and it seems that its 100% to write quite disparaging, and unsupportive posts

I think the OP needs help and support, and if I was her I would recoil from some of the comments on here and never come come back

waltermittymissus · 30/10/2012 08:47

Perhaps you'd be right if this wasn't the latest in a disturbing string of posts.

There is plenty of support here for OP. But she posts and takes nothing onboard unfortunately so people try to shock or be brutal I suppose, in the hopes that something will get through.

Furthermore, let's be very clear here. This man is sexually abusive in front of young children. People are terrified about that type of damage and terrified that it could progress.

Of course abuse is emotive. Posters here have suffered unspeakable things. It's human nature to react.

Original poster
jenrose29 · 30/10/2012 08:50

Hello, I am back.

For the record, I didn't have a C-section and I did want sex 4 weeks after baby was born. I like and enjoy sex, just at the right time and place. Whoever said 'he insists on having sex in front of the children' - he doesn't, he tries his luck and it has never happened, nothing has ever happened in front of the children because I would not let it. DD1 was not there at the breastfeeding occasion and has never seen anything inappropriate.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/10/2012 08:54

Keep telling yourself everything's fine, jen. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

He's an abuser. Thread after thread after thread of yours is indicitive of this.

But you chose to stay with him.

The best hope is that your DD1 will notice his disgusting efforts at trying his luck as you put it, and his inappropriate groping, tell someone inadvertently, and SS will get her out of there and away from this abuser.

Because you chose not to do it.

expatinscotland · 30/10/2012 08:55

'DD1 was not there at the breastfeeding occasion and has never seen anything inappropriate. '

He gropes and fondles you while she's around and you think she hasn't noticed?

Hope she talks up! Children deserve so much more than life with an abuser and his enabler who puts him over them.

Nooneelseisallowedafergus · 30/10/2012 08:56

So Jenrose, what is the point of this thread? If you feel nothing is wrong, and you have it all under control why did you post?

Swipe left for the next trending thread