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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed by him coming on to me around our kids?

296 replies

jenrose29 · 29/10/2012 11:11

DD1 is 5 yrs old, DD2 is 5 months old, DP is a randy bugger. At weekends we have the kids in bed for cuddles in the morning, DP is always stroking me etc and his 'excitement' is evident. I'm sure if I allowed him to he'd do stuff regardless of the kids. For me, it's irritating and spoils what should be a nice time with the kids. I'm by no means frigid but having the kids there just means I'm not in that mind-set. Yesterday I was breastfeeding a sleeping DD2 on the sofa, DP bent in to give me a kiss, was excited and later said he'd been hoping I'd give him a BJ. Am I being unreasonable to be irritated by his (in my opinion) inappropriate randiness?

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 29/10/2012 15:58

Jenrose

I browsed some of your previous threads and you seemed to be describing your DP's ex as a devil /treating him awfully etc. Are you really sure she was the problem given the way he is treating you?

lovebunny · 29/10/2012 16:02

make your boundaries clear to him.
his arousal should never be evident near the children.

Aspiemum2 · 29/10/2012 16:12

I'm sure this has probably been said already but have to read and run so can't check.

I just wanted to remind you that the relationship that you have with your dh is what your dd will come to regard as normal. If your dh doesn't treat you in a way you'd want your dd treated then you need to act. I was in a bloody awful relationship previously and my dm said the above to me, it was the push I needed to leave.

CookingFunt · 29/10/2012 16:16

He might love her but he sure as hell dosent respect her.

whatthewhatthebleep · 29/10/2012 16:26

jenrose I really hope you have a RL friend or family you can talk to...it seems you may be in a very controlling, debilitating relationship with this so called man...
Please don't stop posting, people only intend to support you and honesty has to be part of that,,you see this don't you?

Rose coloured spectacles are clouding your judgement and view of the situation you seem to be in...people have been clearly concerned that your threads and posts are not a positive impression of your home/relationship situation and are honestly trying to be helpful to you and encourage you to think about things appropriately....especially over the well being and safety of your young children...

So many people cannot be wrong...can they?...no, they are not wrong...please think, look at this, try to stand on the outside and look at this situation...if this was someone else, what would you be saying, thinking, etc and what would you be hoping that person would do about it

HeinousHecate · 29/10/2012 16:31

He wants to have sex in front of your five year old child?

and you are still with him?

What is wrong with you? I mean, really. It's fairly clear what's wrong with him but why the hell are you still with someone who is so revolting?

He. is. behaving. in. a. sexual. way. in. front. of. your. children.

Shakey1500 · 29/10/2012 18:08

Can only echo Hecate in saying what the hell is wrong with you?? There is full support for anyone facing the terrible realisation that their partner is abusive.

But to be told/advised/sympathised with TIME and TIME again and not act upon it is ridiculously stupid,not to mention dangerous. Your poor kids. Sure,he is totally at fault but there is a point where you are at fault for not taking responsibilty to protect your kids and yourself. FGS end it. Or stop posting things you know will have this response. Or at least come back and build a strong argument where ANY of this is a good,healthy environment.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 29/10/2012 18:12

OP fucked off again ?

What a waste of fucking time.

Original poster
jenrose29 · 29/10/2012 18:12

Hi, OP back...

Whoever said he's unemployed, for the record that's incorrect.

He was home for lunch today and groped me several times/made at least ten smutty comments in an hour. Have since had texts about how I can reward him later/what am I going to do to him later etc :(

OP posts:
HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 29/10/2012 18:13

Bloody hell, that was one hell of a cross post Grin

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 29/10/2012 18:15

He is being abusive and he most certainly doesn't respect you. To be honest he doesn't even sound like he cares about you just what you can do to meet his needs.

I struggle to see how being with him improves your life in any way.

poorbuthappy · 29/10/2012 18:17

Text him back and tell him you are going to sit down and have a chat about appropriate behaviour.
You have to do something about this now.

StuntGirl · 29/10/2012 18:18

You need to have a serious bloody word love. I've no idea about your previous posts but from this one alone he obviously seriously lacks boundaries (not to mention respect for you and his kids, decency, etc..)

Personally I wouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour but obviously you do. What are you going to do about it?

Original poster
jenrose29 · 29/10/2012 18:22

I just feel uncomfortable around him now. We can't even kiss/cuddle without him getting a hard on and trying to initiate more.

OP posts:
BlameItOnTheCuervForHumanBlood · 29/10/2012 18:22

I agree with poor but happy. I asked some questions earlier, but you must have missed them.

  1. how long have you been together?
  1. have you told him how this makes you feel?
  1. do you go along with it, even if you dont want to?
QuietNinjaTardis · 29/10/2012 18:22

Do you know whatmy dh can be pretty horny and wants sex but if I'm not in the mood he will back off. He wouldn't dream of having sex when our son was around or groping me or anything and neither would I. It would be so wrong. Have you said to him to back the fuck off when the kids are around and what has he said? It's not right to be happy having sex when a 5 year. Old is arou d at all. Sorry for typos but I'm baffled why you haven't shouted at him loudly and clearly.
I've told dh off before for putting me under pressure for sex and he listened and respected what I said. Why why the bloody hell has your dp not done the same for you?

Glitterknickaz · 29/10/2012 18:23

Never mind that.
When are you going to protect your children?

StuntGirl · 29/10/2012 18:24

You need to tell him that jen, firmly and clearly.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 29/10/2012 18:28

You seem to keep repeating what the issue is without taking on board any of what is being said to youHmm

I really don't see the point of asking advice if you aren't going to take it. Your dp is behaving appallingly and you need to act to protect your dd!

ClippedPhoenix · 29/10/2012 18:29

OP, why on earth does this man think you are his personal fuck machine? Is he on flipping steroids or something?

Seriously OP, this is way out of line. Are you scared of him?

Witchety · 29/10/2012 18:29

How you going to deal with this Jen ?

bringbacksideburns · 29/10/2012 18:34

Can you put Bromide in his tea or something?

Sorry not helpful, sounds awful. Time to tell him once and for all to stop pawing you constantly like a piece of meat don't you think?

Original poster
jenrose29 · 29/10/2012 18:35

No I'm not scared of him and I don't go along with anything I don't want to. I have told him no every time in front of the kids (usually just baby) but he doesn't get the very unsubtle hint. I don't know why you'd keep making the comments/propositions if you get turned down.

OP posts:
Original poster
jenrose29 · 29/10/2012 18:38

I don't know how to deal with it. Even driving in the car he places my hand on his crotch, as soon as I put the baby down he's in my face for kisses/cuddles/more.

OP posts:
pictish · 29/10/2012 18:40

God.

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