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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 11 years old boy should not be in a female changing room?

323 replies

superpushymum · 28/10/2012 16:09

Last night I went to a hotel swimming pool. After the swim I was taking a shower in the female changing room. I left the towel on the hook nearby.

When I got out, there was (what I thought) a teenage boy literally staring at me. The towel was out of reach, so I had to run back into cubicle and squeeze myself into my dirty bathing suit.

I don't like confrontation, so I just went out to reception and asked the pool attendant to speak to the mother of the boy. She was also shocked and asked the family to move to the family changing room.

After she left, the mother started to shout that everybody is mad in this hotel and she is not going anywhere.

At the end I had approached her myself and asked her to take the boy out. She told me she can't understand a word of what I am saying (I am foreign and got a slight accent), so I completely lost it by that point and called the assistant again. The boy's mother started saying that her son is 'only' eleven and I should stop being ridiculous and just get on with it. At that stage she also removed her clothes infront of her son and changed into the bathing suit.

I told her I just can't undress infront of him, she got into a strop and told her kids 'come on, let's go to another changing room, this nasty woman does not want you here'.

Was I am unreasonable, or maybe it's a cultural difference, and it's ok in UK to have 11 year olds in the changing rooms? If it was 11 year old girl in a male changing room, would it still be ok?

OP posts:
TomsBentPinky · 28/10/2012 16:10

Yanbu if there were family changing rooms availble.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 28/10/2012 16:13

YANBU even if there weren't family changing rooms available!

Pagwatch · 28/10/2012 16:15

I can't imagine many 11 year old boys would want to be in a women's changing room.
It all sounds quite peculiar.

alpinefresh · 28/10/2012 16:15

she obviously has issues. your reaction was fine, i'd have done exactly the same except the bit about talking to her myself. enjoy your swim and dont worry about the batty lady!

Jenny70 · 28/10/2012 16:15

YANBU

Normally I am quite open about boys in changing rooms, but 11 seems to be taking it too far. If there are family rooms, cubicles or anything else, I think that would the better option for that woman. Don't care a fig if she changes with him, but other women are not comforatble with it.

I can sympathise that at 11 it isn't always appropriate to send them alone into the mens changing rooms and children with special needs may never be "old enough" to trust in the changerooms alone.

But kids at 11 are able to change themselves, so if there is a family room or indiv cubicle, surely that is a more sensible solution.

Catsnotrats · 28/10/2012 16:16

Yadnbu on the basis that I teach 11 year old boys. The thought that I might bump into one of them in the swimming room changing rooms while I was naked makes my skin crawl (although it would probably scar them for life!)

RyleDup · 28/10/2012 16:16

YANBU. She sounds very rude.

JaquelineHyde · 28/10/2012 16:16

The fact that there were family changing rooms available remove any valid possible reason for the 11yr old boy being in with the mother.

She was clearly rude and unreasonable and should have moved to the family changing room.

halloweeneyqueeney · 28/10/2012 16:17

YANBU, he's plenty old enough to go to the male one alone even if there was no family one. FAR too old to be in there. Not so much because of the adult women but mainly because girls his age would be very uncomfortable with him there i'd imagine!

wigglybeezer · 28/10/2012 16:18

My eleven year old would refuse to go in the ladies changing rooms, he shout's " my eyes, my eyes" if he catches a glimpse of me a state of undress! You are not being unreasonable ( and I once worked as an artist's model and am not prudish about nudity). It's not fair on the boy IMO.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 28/10/2012 16:18

YANBU. Unless he had SN he is perfectly capable of and safe getting changed alone in the mens changing room.

EchoBitch · 28/10/2012 16:18

Both DSs went in the men's or a family changing room,in fact,by 11 i don't think they would have been seen dead in a family one never mind a women's changing room.

MaryZcary · 28/10/2012 16:18

YANBU - even if there is a family changing room an NT 11 year old should be able to change by himself. I presume if he had SN and needed looking after you would have been told.

dd was very upset when she was about 9 because her male classmates were appearing in the women's changing rooms and laughing at her Hmm. She refused to go swimming for a while.

The mother sounds a bit barmy though.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 28/10/2012 16:18

YANBU as there were family changing rooms available. The mother sounds awful.

EllenParsons · 28/10/2012 16:19

YANBU she sounds nuts and I can't imagine ever finding it acceptable for a boy of that age to be in the female changing room. He is more than old enough to get dressed on his own, so he does not need to be there! I feel quite annoyed on your behaviour reading this and as for slagging your accent,she is pathetic.

EllenParsons · 28/10/2012 16:19

Annoyed on your behalf I mean, not behaviour!

bruffin · 28/10/2012 16:19

The normal rules are children 8 and over should use the right changing room

WearingGreen · 28/10/2012 16:22

I couldn't get my 8 yo into a womens changing room if I held a gun to his head, not that I would want to.

Startailoforangeandgold · 28/10/2012 16:23

YANBU
I don't give a damn who sees me naked, but my 14 and especially 11 y DDs do.

It is not an appropriate place for a boy that age to be.

NinaHeart · 28/10/2012 16:25

YANBU. At 11 they shouldn't be in the opposite sex changing room, regardless of anything I can think of.
My SS has special needs and at age 17 cannot dress/undress himself. However, I would NEVER want him in the female changing room as the one thing that appears not to be affected by his SLD is his sexual urge. He was certainly showing signs of this at 11.
It would be hugely unfair on everyone.

ScarahScreams · 28/10/2012 16:30

Absolutely NBU ! She sounds like she has some kind of problem tbh!

squishyotter · 28/10/2012 16:36

Yanbu she sounds a bit off her trolley!

CiderwithBuda · 28/10/2012 17:03

My 11 year old DS would die of embarrassment if I tried to take him into the female changing room!

YANBU!

Sirzy · 28/10/2012 17:06

A family changing room is available therefore there is no need for anyone to be in the 'wrong' changing rooms.

Where no family facilities are available I think - except in case where a child has some sort of special needs but then disabled changing facilities should be made available for the childs dignity as much as anything else - that by the age of 8 children should be able to go and get themselves changed in the appropriate changing area.

marjproops · 28/10/2012 17:08

I have a single mum friend with a 13 year old boy with SN.
She knows no men to take her boy swimming. the only place she can go with her son is the local pool as she lives miles away from anywhere and doesnt drive. there is no family changing room and her son cannot dress/undress without help. she takes him into a cubicle in the ladies, and checks in the room first to see if there are any undressed women. if there are she politely asks them if theyd mind covering up a second as she takes her son into a cubicle, then checks again when they emerge from there etc etc.

most of the ladies know them and are ok with that. poor kid cant help it and nor can she.

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