To think that 11 years old boy should not be in a female changing room?

[superpushymum]

Last night I went to a hotel swimming pool. After the swim I was taking a shower in the female changing room. I left the towel on the hook nearby.

When I got out, there was (what I thought) a teenage boy literally staring at me. The towel was out of reach, so I had to run back into cubicle and squeeze myself into my dirty bathing suit.

I don't like confrontation, so I just went out to reception and asked the pool attendant to speak to the mother of the boy. She was also shocked and asked the family to move to the family changing room.

After she left, the mother started to shout that everybody is mad in this hotel and she is not going anywhere.

At the end I had approached her myself and asked her to take the boy out. She told me she can't understand a word of what I am saying (I am foreign and got a slight accent), so I completely lost it by that point and called the assistant again. The boy's mother started saying that her son is 'only' eleven and I should stop being ridiculous and just get on with it. At that stage she also removed her clothes infront of her son and changed into the bathing suit.

I told her I just can't undress infront of him, she got into a strop and told her kids 'come on, let's go to another changing room, this nasty woman does not want you here'.

Was I am unreasonable, or maybe it's a cultural difference, and it's ok in UK to have 11 year olds in the changing rooms? If it was 11 year old girl in a male changing room, would it still be ok?

I think you getting confused with unreasonable behaviour and reasonable.

Unreasonable is laughing at someone's hair colour
Reasonable is noticing nudity (either in own sex or opposite sex) in a society where people do not get naked in front of each other by choice.

Forcing someone to get naked in front of others to make the point that the other is at fault is turning things upside down

you really don't think it is unreasonable to laugh at someone's body?

So like in the changing rooms at the pools you see someone with lopsided boobs and just let rip with the laughing pointing?

how nice!

but kids do laugh at each other and lark about. Isn't it part of growing up to an extent. Why should they think it is normal to accept unisex changing when i don't think it ever will be. I remember when my dd was in year 6 at school, some of the girls were starting puberty (not mine) and parents were concerned that the girls had to change with the boys in the classroom.

as adults we can reign it in a lot more.

Why should girls and boys have to endure a unisex changing environment. what purpose does it serves. it is probably bad enough with your peers of your own sex during puberty.

Who said about laughing at lopsided breast ICB? I missed that bit. That would obviously be unpleasant and nasty.

I understood it was about acknowledging nakedness/observing nakedness in a situation where the person concerned would expect privacy?

I'm slightly concerned you are suggesting I'm advocating laughing at lopsided breasts?

I'm advocating people's right to privacy if they choose it...whatever shape of their body

So I have been sarcastically asking what age I think is appropriate....

I think I have said this but when a parent deems them to be mature enough to handle situations alone. It is not for anoyone to dictate when that should be and it might change - so a child who was confident might have a knock to their confidence and need some support again...

Ofcourse this in a world that gives you that choice...

There are going to be some 16yr olds with SN who are not ready - I do hope that whichever poster was taking the mick would not do this in RL - remember not all disabilities are visable or obvious.

As for getting naked in front of other people - again why should anyone not have a choice to get changed in private? I HATE communal changing with a passion... I have the most horrendous stretchmarks and some scars - the only time I have ever changed in front of people is to go to theatre for an emergency section.
That said I am unbothered at home - son has grown up being comfortable naked tho as he has got older he like to cover up a little bit (undies)...

We shouldnt have to be stomping out feet to have our children changing for swimming & PE in an area that is safe, that allows them to have support and is free from been laughed at by other children...

I think I have said this but when a parent deems them to be mature enough to handle situations alone. It is not for anoyone to dictate when that should be

Parents have a weird view that it is 'my child, my rules' and it isn't true-or only in their own home. The swimming pool should put the rules and the parents should adhere or not use it. Generally it is 8 years when the DC can go in without a parent and that should be when they use the correct changing room.
I shall certainly kick up a fuss if parents ignore it. (I am not referring to SN)

And if I ran a swimming pool it would most definitely be 'my pool my rules'.

Doris it is not for you to dictate that other women have to put up with your 11 year old son watching them get dressed because you have deemed then not mature enough to change on their own. The only right you have in that situation is to simply not use the pool

Deemed you son obviously, not the other women.

So my DD doesn't have the right to privacy? Your DS trumps her needs? (in a changing room meant for her)

Perhaps ladies changing rooms should be relabelled Ladies and anyone who doesn't feel able to cope in the men's

I might start using the mens. At least I know I'm in with males rather than having them walk in on me whilst I'm bent over pulling up my knickers

Our pool is age 9. Mine were about 8.5 when they were ready to go in mens alone. Before that even when they were little I would get rude looks at times from mothers of only girls. They seemed scared of little boys! My 10 year olds are still pretty innocent and not some sort of predator!

How would those who feel their son should be allowed in the ladies, feel about getting naked in front of a strange man?

That is the equivalent for my DD, getting changed in front of a strange boy.

Maybe the mother could accompany their son into the mens changing rooms - that might provoke a response from the swimming pool to create all cubicle mixed changing.

We could just re-label the doors 'Innocents' & 'Predators', that'd make life easier...

Quite apart from not wanting my dds embarrassed by the presence of boys aged over 8ish, I don't much want my 8 year old ds to think that adult males are hairy scary priapic uncontrolled types that he needs protecting from. He's going to be one soon enough; I'd much rather he saw his half of the human race as normal, socialised human beings who just use a swimming pool changing room to dry themselves off & get dressed.

The mother was being totally U.

I am happy getting naked in communal changing rooms, with other females. Except if I'm on my period then I like a private cubical.

Max age for children should be 8 or 9. By then anyone without SN should be totally capable of drying themselves and getting their pants and socks on themselves!

Actually, I didn't like any children in my gyms changing rooms, some mums would get their kids ready first then let them run around screaming and generally get in the way. Children weren't meant to go in one area of the changing room and I used to tell kids off when they ran through. Generally mothers get embarrassed when you stop a child, tell them they are not allowed in the adults section and enquire where their mother is... Whole changing room looks at the woman who can't control her little brat.

Much better when they had a separate family changing room after the refurb.

I now live in Australia, and at our local swimming pool, the rules are written on the door of the changing rooms stating that "children of the opposite sex over the AGE of 5 are not allowed in the single sex changing rooms".

Family changing rooms must be used if you are with your son who is 6 and over and want to get changed together. And at our massive leisure centre with a number of different pool options there are only 2 family changing rooms, so my 6 year old son always goes into the mens and gets changed. I always wait outside. In fact he would refuse to come into the ladies with me if he was allowed to anyway!!

ravenAK you have a massive point there.

wtf is up with a society that views it as impossible that boys can be taught not to giggle at naked girls and men cannot possibly see naked women without it being sexual? It is SO fucking depressing. They are men not aliens. We are the same species and supposedly not only intelligent but empathetic.

How much damage do we do by perpetuating this ridiculous idea that males simply can't be trusted around females?

I agree that "boys can be taught not to giggle at naked girls and men cannot possibly see naked women without it being sexual"

but what about girls and women not wanting to be seen naked by someone of the opposite sex?

why would it matter what sex of person is looking at you naked?

we are all human beings? I pretty much have the same feelings about men and women seeing me naked throughout my life. Pre-childbirth I couldn't stand either and post-childbirth I can't be arsed to worry about it.

I suspect a huge amount of the difference people feel in being seen naked is due to being conditioned to single sex changing in the first place. If we didn't do that then women wouldn't feel differently about being seen by men than women.

I prefer getting changed in private, wouldn't be happy in mixed or single sex communal changing. Why is that a big deal? It is just a personal thing. Dd2 would run around naked in the middle of the Albert Hall, dd1 has always been very private, no particular reason, they are just very different.

I remember my sil, saying I would be different after having children, but 3 children later, plus a year of having dozens of male and female drs giving me internals, I still prefer to get changed in private.

ICBINEG - possibly we are conditioned to this, but while societal norms are that the sexes change separately that should be respected.

I have a friend who feels naked without her head-scarf - I wouldn't expect her to feel comfortable removing it in a single sex environment where someone of the opposite sex was, and pass it away as conditioning. She even gave birth wearing her head scarf in spite of having a male midwife dealing with the action.

My DS11 goes into the male changing rooms at swimming pools. He would be embarrassed to come into the ladies changing rooms now.

dame oh yes I have said over and over that given our current societal conditioning having 11 year old boys in the womens changing rooms is not on.

I just think it is time as a society we grew out of the whole euuwwww boy cooties thang.

There are many societies around the world where men and women manage to see each other as people first and have no problem being naked in each others presence...I would like ours to be one of them.