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AIBU?

To think that 11 years old boy should not be in a female changing room?

323 replies

superpushymum · 28/10/2012 16:09

Last night I went to a hotel swimming pool. After the swim I was taking a shower in the female changing room. I left the towel on the hook nearby.

When I got out, there was (what I thought) a teenage boy literally staring at me. The towel was out of reach, so I had to run back into cubicle and squeeze myself into my dirty bathing suit.

I don't like confrontation, so I just went out to reception and asked the pool attendant to speak to the mother of the boy. She was also shocked and asked the family to move to the family changing room.

After she left, the mother started to shout that everybody is mad in this hotel and she is not going anywhere.

At the end I had approached her myself and asked her to take the boy out. She told me she can't understand a word of what I am saying (I am foreign and got a slight accent), so I completely lost it by that point and called the assistant again. The boy's mother started saying that her son is 'only' eleven and I should stop being ridiculous and just get on with it. At that stage she also removed her clothes infront of her son and changed into the bathing suit.

I told her I just can't undress infront of him, she got into a strop and told her kids 'come on, let's go to another changing room, this nasty woman does not want you here'.

Was I am unreasonable, or maybe it's a cultural difference, and it's ok in UK to have 11 year olds in the changing rooms? If it was 11 year old girl in a male changing room, would it still be ok?

OP posts:

Report

Willabywallaby · 28/10/2012 19:29

I wouldn't have wanted to send my DS into a men's changing room on his own at 6, and am concerned about next year when he turns 8. But 11 is a different matter.

Maybe you overreacted but YANBU

TheCrackFox · 28/10/2012 19:37

My 11 yr old son would rather eat his own feet than join me in a changing room.

Some 11yrs are going through puberty and interested in naked women TBH anyone passed the age if 20yrs old would be considered positively elderly.

AThingInYourLife · 28/10/2012 19:44

" I said I currently had my back to them, and that was as reasonable as it got..."

:o :o

Class! :o

marriedinwhite · 28/10/2012 19:50

If this is about your embarassment OP bearing in mind the fact that you have said you hate confrontation and you have body issues, then what I still don't understand is why you couldn't have moved to another part of the changing room or asked the boy to stop staring. You have said that you went to find the attendant (presumably you got dressed again to do so) and then you "lost it" with the mother. I am sorry but from the facts you have stated you appear to have contradicted yourself.

If an 11 year old boy had stared at me I would have asked him what he was looking at or would have moved to another part of the changing room. Probably, I might have given him a "wiggle" and he would have died of shame and moved to another part of the changing room and wouldn't have looked up again until I had left. And his mother would have winked and we would both have been shaking with silent laughter.

What happens if you lot holiday on the Continent with your children and there happens to be an English or Continental lady on the beach, by the pool without her bikini top? It really isn't hard to wrap a towel round one's lower half with your bra and Tshirt on top whilst you slip your pants on under the towel.

Sassybeast · 28/10/2012 19:57

You are very odd Married.

Someone who 'choses' to sunbathe topless is very different to someone who is trying to get changed in a 'protected' space. there are huge numbers of the poupulation who chose not to sunbathe nude.
And you really think that any mother who is precious enough to take an 11 year old boy into a female changing room would appreciate you giving her son a 'wiggle'

marriedinwhite · 28/10/2012 20:02

She's non confrontational but reported it to the manager and "lost it" with the mother. I'm sorry but I don't think this has anything to do with the OP's modesty or genuine embarassment.

ravenAK · 28/10/2012 20:02

Yes, I suspect the sort of mum who takes her nearly teenage son into the ladies' changing room would probably be & at anyone shaking their booty at him.

ToothbrushThief · 28/10/2012 20:14

OP I'd have been angry as well. If I was going to enter the wrong sex changing room I'd expect the onus to be on me to make sure it wasn't going to cause offence.

Married some of your comments seem designed to belittle the OP. I'm trying to work out why you'd do that?

superpushymum · 28/10/2012 20:14

When I said 'lost it' I mean I got really missed off inside, thinking wtf , but I did not say much really.

There was nowhere to hide except the very wet shower room.

OP posts:

superpushymum · 28/10/2012 20:15

I mean pissed off, stupid phone

OP posts:

SauvignonBlanche · 28/10/2012 20:17

Married, are you on the ?

exoticfruits · 28/10/2012 20:24

Considering that, according to MN, many women won't even let their DP see them naked, I think that it is rather strange that they are then supposed to strip off in front of 11yr old boys who are complete strangers! I also can't imagine where anyone gets the idea that 11yr olds have no interest in sex or seeing naked female bodies.

marriedinwhite · 28/10/2012 20:25

I just don't see what there is to get so worked up about because an 11 year old boy was in the changing room. If you don't like it; say something directly or change elsewhere.

Sirzy · 28/10/2012 20:26

Why should a woman have to change elsewhere because an 11 year old is in the wrong changing room?

WearingGreen · 28/10/2012 20:26

Why should she change elsewhere? She was in the correct changing room, he wasn't. Anyway where should she change other than the female changing room?

SauvignonBlanche · 28/10/2012 20:29

Like the male changing room?

mluddy · 28/10/2012 20:31

I was with my 7 year old dd in the showers at the local sports centre. There'd been a class swimming lesson. There aren't any cubicles in the shower room. There were several girls of age 7 to 8 taking off their swim suits to get changed when a boy of about age 10 came in with his mother to use the loo. They were really embarrassed because he was looking at them. Why on earth couldn't the mother take him to the gents and just stand outside the door. YANBU in my view.

TalkinPeace2 · 28/10/2012 20:32

Having had kids I have no modesty so would merrily go into the men's changing room - if it did not smell so bad of overtattooed men ...

ZZZenAgain · 28/10/2012 20:36

dd (just turned 12) would be mortified if an 11 year old boy was in the changing room. She wouldn't get changed. I wouldn't like it either.

YANBU OP, I am sorry it was such an unpleasant experience. I think you did the right thing in speaking to the staff about it. I suppose the mother just did not take kindly to being corrected/told off as she probably saw it which is why she got so angry and made a scene.

ToothbrushThief · 28/10/2012 20:43

I think it's a reasonable expectation that a single sex changing room has young children or your single sex in there. To put the onus on users to change in the toilet/cleaning cupboard or behind two towels so that the opposite sex can wander in is nuts!

I am furious at the implication that 11 yr olds can wander in on my pubertal DD and its her problem. WTF????

hazeyjane · 28/10/2012 20:51

married no, if I noticed an 11 yr old boy staring at me in the changing rooms, I wouldn't ask him to stop staring or do a 'wiggle', because i would be too embarrassed, that is the whole point, if i would do either of the things you suggest then I wouldn't be the sort of person who cared.

hazeyjane · 28/10/2012 20:52

....oh and our holidays tend to be wet weekends in Devon, wearing full waterproofs and wellies, so no worries there!

exoticfruits · 28/10/2012 21:05

It is the old double standard-an over protective mother is taking her 11yr old into the wrong changing room, for him ,and females of all ages ,9yrs to 90yrs, are just supposed to put up with it (I imagine 9yr old girls would be terribly embarrassed-they don't even like getting changed for school PE in the same room)-and yet a father wouldn't take his 11yr old DD into the men's changing room -and he would be putting all the men in a compromising position if he did. He wouldn't want them looking at his 11yr old DD, or her to looking at them, and yet it appears to be perfectly OK the other way around-according to some people.

WearingGreen · 28/10/2012 21:06

I can't imagine a father sharing a laugh with another adult man who gave his 11 yo dd a naked wiggle.

exoticfruits · 28/10/2012 21:48

Exactly-and if it isn't right for girls it isn't right for boys.

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