Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

worried about social services

215 replies

mysecretworld · 27/10/2012 17:28

i have heard in the news alot of bad press about childrens social services. can any social workers in here put my mind at rest and tell me what the reasons are for removing a child ?

OP posts:

Eurostar · 27/10/2012 18:41

It would really help your daughter's case then and her in general if she got herself on that domestic violence course and also into any individual therapy she can find so that she can understand why she has got into this pattern, what the warning signs are and come to a place where she will never, ever accept violence from a partner again.

purplequiche · 27/10/2012 18:41

Removing a child under Police Protection is incredibly rare and is only done when there is an immediate and serious risk of harm, for example in the middle of a brawl, or when a Mum is found crawling around in the road drunk whilst looking after baby.

There must have been a signifcant incident that you're either not aware of OP, or that you are deliberately not telling us.

mutny · 27/10/2012 18:42

The accepted term is wheelchair user.
Even if your mum prefers another term

That's why I point out that was to the poster but not everyone, some people do feel its a confinement

the op is not claiming its confining, SS are.

We will have to agree to disagree on that point.

Original poster

mysecretworld · 27/10/2012 18:42

she hates the babys dad and wants nothing to do with him. i have never seen my daughter so adament about something as she is about having no contact with her ex as she is right now.

like i say she trying to get herself sorted in housing in a different area so he cant find her but where she is still near other family members that her ex doesnt know.

OP posts:

MrsDeVere · 27/10/2012 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainbowinthesky · 27/10/2012 18:43

Where is she living now?

mutny · 27/10/2012 18:45

The very fact SS deem it to be confining is surely a good enough reason to challenge ths negative term?

I will conceed that's an excellent point for me to consider. However I don't think this is as view in this situation.

But yes I may question my mother about that, actually trying to show her it liberating may help with some issues.
I apologise if I offended anyone, it was not the intent.

Spero · 27/10/2012 18:46

I am afraid she will need to do more than simply hate her ex and move away, although that is a very good start.

She will need to get professional help to unpick why she makes these relationship choices and presumably does not get out at first sign of violence. Has she been referred to Freedom Programme or anything similar? If not, she should self refer immediately.

mutny · 27/10/2012 18:48

So where was she from the baby being born and 8 weeks ago?

Are you saying SS just showed up at the unit and took the baby?

LineRunner · 27/10/2012 18:49

The OP says that 2 weeks ago the baby was taken on a Police Protection Order, but I can't work out from where.

Can you help us help you, OP? Where was the baby taken away from?

Eurostar · 27/10/2012 18:49

So she hates him but that does not mean that she is not vulnerable to a similar man I'm afraid if there have been two before him.

..and of course they will want to assess your family carefully before passing over care because many women who accept violence do so because they have been conditioned to do so by growing up exposed to it or subject to it. Not saying that is the case for your family of course, it can also be such a shock to someone with no knowledge of violence that they freeze and can't believe it is happening and live in denial for some time. It could be really low self-esteem, thinking that it is her fault, that she doesn't deserve better, it could be that she is such a carer she thinks she can make men change. She needs to learn that she cannot. She needs to urgently learn not to be taken in at the charming man stage before they reveal their true colours.

Sorry that you are seeing your daughter so broken up by this. I hope she can find all the help out there to build herself back up to a position of strength.

SirBoobAlot · 27/10/2012 18:49

Agree with Spero, getting herself on to a therapy and / or self improvement programme would be a good idea, both because of SS, but also as she obviously has a damaging taste in men :(

Original poster

mysecretworld · 27/10/2012 18:51

when baby was born she was with his dad after he hit her infront of the baby she called the police and came to mine but because of the threats from him she went into the unit for the safety of herself and her son.

since the dv when baby was a few days old there has only been one dv which was at my house when her ex came round.

she is trying to get on all the courses she can to help her with any future relationships.

OP posts:

MrsDeVere · 27/10/2012 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eurostar · 27/10/2012 18:53

So Secret - it's not really your wheelchair then that makes you not able to care, it is that he has been to your house and attacked your DD there. Therefore baby is clearly not safe at yours.

SirBoobAlot · 27/10/2012 18:54

"there has only been one dv which was at my house when her ex came round."

Firstly your use of "only one dv" is concerning.

When was this?

I change what I said earlier, I think you DO know the whole story, you are just in denial as to why this has happened.

LineRunner · 27/10/2012 18:55

Was the baby taken into care from your house, OP?

Original poster

mysecretworld · 27/10/2012 18:57

i have health problems which is why i am in a wheelchair and i am not going to get better but lowly get worse.

all this stress is not helping but i dont care as i have to help my daughter.

yes they may have used the police at my door but in the report it says i am cant be a carer due to being in a wheelchair.

OP posts:

Eurostar · 27/10/2012 18:59

What do you think would help your daughter best right now?

Original poster

mysecretworld · 27/10/2012 18:59

he was taken from the unit by a sw and a police officer on a ppo

OP posts:

Original poster

mysecretworld · 27/10/2012 19:01

i dont know what to do right now.

i know she needs to do courses and have some sort of therapy for her pas relationships but am not sure how she gets that sort of help

OP posts:

Eurostar · 27/10/2012 19:04

I would have thought she would have been told by social workers etc how to access therapy and the freedom programme but if she has not, try speaking to your local women's aid for information.

ISeeDeadFairies · 27/10/2012 19:06

I am a sw. I'm sorry but I just don't buy this. A ppo means there was actual immediate risk of significant harm so something must have happened at the unit if this is where baby was taken from.

Either your daughter is lying to you or your lying to us

Eurostar · 27/10/2012 19:08

she could have a read of this article to help her understand why, even if her baby is not being directly hit, how he is being damaged if she gets into another violent relationship
www.ucl.ac.uk/news/news-articles/1112/111205-maltreated-children-fMRI-study

Original poster

mysecretworld · 27/10/2012 19:08

thank you Eurostar.

all the sw has said is she has to have some assessments done on her by the sw.

i will get on to the local womans aid first thing monday.

i was also thinking of getting my daughter to her doctors and asking him for help.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9