to pretend that state school is not so bad...

[RichTeas]

We are in an area with no shortage of preps and indies; the state schools are not bad, but for us, definitely not the preferred option. Yet it looks like it's going to be state all the way through. So far DS (Y3) doesn't have any idea of the types of schools that exist, as we have never openly discussed it, but I expect soon he will be clued up enough to question the system he finds himself in. It feels disingenuous to fib that we're happy with just a state education (when we're not), yet we don't want him to grow up feeling he's missed out by over-egging the independents. I suppose it could be worse, he could be in private and then forced to come out, but the issues is the same I wonder how others explain this kind of mismatch...

juggling!!

Your personal opinion that state schools are inferior to private is just that - your opinion. There is no need to pass it on to your dc, or indeed, to defend your position to anyone. In your position, where you have no option but to use the dreaded state schools, your inability to just get over it seems particularly ridiculous.
You seem convinced that a day of reckoning is coming, when you'll be called upon to justify your decision to your child; in fact, they may never raise the question at all.
If anyone needs to lighten up, it's you, op.

Op why don't you just go to the private school?

RichTeas
My sons prep is more ethnically diverse than the local primary and believe me that matters. The local primary has a large representation from the North African muslim community / some sub-sarahan and some bengali. My DH is North African too and the DS speak Arabic & English. I would not consider my children to be having a diverse upbring if all their friends are also the children of North African immigrants. Diversity does not equal having an Algerian dad and friends from Tunisian and Moroccan backgrounds and chatting in Arabic in the playground.

Their prep has a much broader range of ethnicities and believe me this does matter.

Too many "believe me's" it probably wasn't necessary for me to be that emphatic.

I feel sorry for all those thick privately educated children at Westminster and St Pauls who can only manage a few feeble A*. Generalisations are silly.

There are very good state schools and you are lucky if you live by one. There are very good private schools and you are lucky if you can afford one. There are reasonable schools in both sectors and there are bad schools in both sectors.

Tunip, what does the phrase "the state schools are not bad" in my first sentence imply? I think it's you that might have English as a second language. Almost as ridiculous as the person who corrected my spelling of the word ambience with the French spelling.

Your thread title very specifically says "pretend" . Nothing ambiguous about that.

I wasn't talking about your first post. I was talking about your thread title. As my post said, clearly.

I'm thinking people have taken offence at the title fairly easily. It stands to reason that anyone who would like to pay for a private education (whether they can afford it or not) will think that the private school they would like to pay for is better in some way shape or form than the state school they would otherwise use. I didn't read the thread as an indictment of all state schools, merely that the OP considered her state school option less good than her private one and wanted to explain to her dc why she hadn't chosen what she considered the best option. Perhaps it could have been phrased better, but not worth all the umbrage that has been taken imo.

Op you havent said why you don't just stay private?

A couple of years ago when ds was about 6 he asked why our local private school didn't take part in the schools inter-sport competitions, I explained that the school was a private school and probably competed against other private schools. He then wanted to know what private meant and why people would choose to pay when you can have a education for free. I explained that this particular private school offered smaller class sizes and more sporting facilities and that was important to some people. I also explained that we didn't have enough money to consider private education and probably wouldn't go private even if we could afford to. His response was "oh" and that was the end of the matter. I don't understand why people have all this angst over schooling, it isn't healthy to be so obsessed with it.

If someone started a thread saying AIBU to pretend non-organic food is not so bad...would people be offended?

If the OP felt organic food was better then non-organic food but simply couyldn't afford it. If poster wanted to know if it was oaky to pretend would folk be piling in to be offended and say 'you do know most people can't afford it!' 'How very dare you!' or 'Organic food actually gives you cancer!'

Or would they tell OP not to worry. That not being able to afford stuff is okay even if you think it's better than the stuff you can afford...

whistle your response seems to me entirely reasonable and sensible.

Why folk say they would tell their DC that private school is for thick people and their DC are too clever is beyond me! Or any oif the other shit spouted on threads like this...

Talk about passing on your prejudices...

The whole gist of my post is about pretence, so I would hope there is nothing ambiguous about it. As for zeroing in on the thread title and disregarding the post below it, that is the same as judging a whole book by its cover. Why not just accept that the whole world does not need to subscribe the idea that state education is the way to go.

And it isn't just private school parents who are overly obsessed with schools state school parents are just as bad. I have heard parents say that one state primary school was far superior to the other because it scored 81% in it's SATs compared to 79%. I'm sure this over anxious over analysing approach must be damaging to the child.

Err thanks word. I think I get it. People certainly are getting over offended on what was a genuine (slightly angsty) concern (for some).

See I don't see at as any worse than someone saying...

AIBU to pretend that the school we were allocted is just as good as the our first choice?

Or

AIBU to pretend that the secondary modern is as good as the grammar?

It's about what we tell our DC when they can't have what we want them to have no?

The whole world does not need to subscribe to the idea that state education is the way to go
Indeed it doesn't. But it's the way you are going, and you are the only one who appears to have a problem with that??

but OP you still havent said what you are going to do about your situation? or what your actual objection to state education is, and what it is based on?

^ this is what I am dying to know !

What an odd OP. If you're going the state school route, do you really think that much about private schools?

I'm vaguely aware that there are a few private schools near us but I honestly don't know anything about them, and care even less - why even worry about this? Your DS will have friends from school and probably have no contact with children going to private schools so I'm not sure why or how he would even formulate an opinion on the relative merits of the different schooling systems - unless you project them on him.

Only on Mumsnet are private schools such a big deal - in RL I suspect the majority of people are only vaguely aware of their existence and don't really give them any thought.

Exactly malinois

Hmm, so what have you decided to say to DS RichTeas ?

Op I still do not get why you don't stack with private as its a concern for you

Because, like lots of us, she can't afford it. SHe isn't even worried that her kids will be badly educated academically. But she is worried that they will not be Naice.