to pretend that state school is not so bad...

[RichTeas]

We are in an area with no shortage of preps and indies; the state schools are not bad, but for us, definitely not the preferred option. Yet it looks like it's going to be state all the way through. So far DS (Y3) doesn't have any idea of the types of schools that exist, as we have never openly discussed it, but I expect soon he will be clued up enough to question the system he finds himself in. It feels disingenuous to fib that we're happy with just a state education (when we're not), yet we don't want him to grow up feeling he's missed out by over-egging the independents. I suppose it could be worse, he could be in private and then forced to come out, but the issues is the same I wonder how others explain this kind of mismatch...

bisjo er no they weren't cheating, we just beat them fair & square all the time on the sportsfield, despite our lack of designer matching track suits!

I would have loved my children to go to private school but we cant afford it so sent them to the nursery at a private school and they still attend the holiday club and drama classes. they understand we cant afford for them to go to the school but they benefit from having friends who come from wealthy family's and others who don't none of which are any different to my children they treat them all the same. I hope this gives them some ambition in life but also prepares them for the world we live in that lots of people struggle and no one is better than anyone else really! We are all raising children to be well rounded and hopefully nice adults if we try our best and give them what we can and love them they shouldn't feel they missed out on anything. I understand your longing but you should try to make the best of his education you could go and help in the class room or support the school in different ways you may come to see it wasn't as bad as you thought.

Everlong I'm not sure that I completely get your posts. You seem to be rationalising your choice to go private by saying the local school is too white and too middle class, and that the prep is where the real diversity lies. This can't be case on social diversity, there isn't a catchement in the land which is not socially diverse (unlike say America) so the local is bound to have the social diversity you seem to crave. As for ethnic diversity, does it really matter one way or the other. It shouldn't. Kids are kids.

My DCs primary was pretty non-diverse, I found it weird that in Infants I could know everyone one of the non-white children's names when my DS started (there were about 6). When I moved here I was shocked how "white" it was. It has slowly become more diverse, however just travelling to Oxford reminds me how weird it is here. However the local Preps are no more diverse, although someone from one of the villages might argue that they are compared to their village Infants.

However in the UK Social diversity is not so strongly correlated with race. I help in a very socially deprived school, but it is no more ethnically diverse than my DCs school and you could probably argue about the cultural diversity (lots of European's in DCs school).

If your child ever questions it, just tell him that private schools are for less able children whose parents have lots of money and choose to buy them a privileged start where they only meet other privileged kids

What a horrible thing to say. Because selective independants are just full of thickos aren't they...

"If it were reversed and we were saying all sorts about the state schools can imagine the uproar?

But people do say all sorts about state schools! Late on in the same post, you say-
"My neighbour said to me regarding ds ' you can tell what sort of school he goes to, he stands out with his confidence and good manners ' this comes from a chap whose kids weren't privately educated."

And that isn't a criticism of state school children?

fluffy - that is absolute bull ..I went to private school (although I had a scholarship and didn't pay) and there was no such brainwashing whatsoever, I hope it is clear from my posts on here that I don't think people are better than anyone else "because they have money"..far from it.

I think that for some private school parents, state schools are just so outside their experience and the experience of their friends that they don't realize that they are "saying horrible things" about state school children- they just think they are stating facts. And when they are on mumsnet,they forget that they are talking to a wider group of people- many of them the owners of state school children. So they get really cross if anyone says anything negative about private schools, while genuinely thinking that nobody -ever says a bad word about state schools.

Everlong, find a dig at private school children from me and I will eat your child's boater!

And for the record, I found the independent school full of thickos comment rude, wrong and crass. Even ruder, wronger and crasser than the OP- which is saying something!

Your neighbour sounds like a prize arse, everlong, if he really did put your son's manners down to the school he attends. Are you sure it wasn't a dig at you? He could only have got his manners from elsewhere...
And, taking the comment at face value, you are stunned that this gem could have come from a gobshite with no experience of private education? Even the rif raf can see what grace it has bestowed upon your son?
I think he was taking the piss, actually.

I was reacting to the ignorance of the comment I highlighted

People seem to like to ignore the fact that private schools come in as many varieties as state schools.

A state school in an affluent area can have far more in common with a lower range private school than the lower range private school will have in common with the top eye wateringly expensive independents. A good state school is likely to be more similar to a private school than it is to state school in a severely deprived area.

People need to stop with the generalisations. All it does is show ignorance.

As I said, the thick comment was unacceptable. But there are loads of comments like yours. And like the title of this thread. Which you appear to think acceptable. For example, I was on an education thread yesterday where someone said "I know what goes on in comprehensives"

And I rarely see attacks on private school children. On the system, yes. On the attitude of some parents, yes. On the prevailing mumsnet view that private school intakes reflect the full spectrum of British society, yes. On the prevailing mumsnet view that anyone could send their child to private I'd they gave up foreign holidays and cigarettes, yes. On the view that parents make real sacrifices to send their child to private school, yes. On the view that the proverbial beaten up old Volvo and camping holidays represents poverty, yes. But not on children

FloggingMolly- I believe it. My ds went for a walk with neighbours, neighbours son and his children. When they got back, neighbour said to me "X was so impressed with your son's manners- he was amazed when I told him that he went to state school"

There are arses in all walks of life.

I don't understand why people have an attitude that state schools are bad? I thought where you ended up in life depends mostly on your parents and that the school you go to only has a relatively small influence.

I went to a private school. I have definitely underachieved and I have parents who were not supportive and put me down. I have a lot of friends who did very well at state schools and have good careers as pharmacists, lawyers and journalists.

I do think that an intelligent child is probably going to well anywhere if they have the right support at home. And not everyone is academic anyway and that's ok too!

One of my children goes to a prep school. The main advantages are small class sizes as I see it. I would have been happy for her to go to a state school but they didn't have any available places at the time and she's now settled.

Seeker you need to lighten up a bit. The expression "not so bad" in this context does not mean "bad" it means "not ideal". Maybe I should have written "pretend that we like state school" or something similar. I accept that my personal opinion is that state school is inferior to state - for us - for what we want - and I am entitled to have that opinion. You don't need to find it rude, it's just a difference of opinion.

I love seeker's posts.

OP, if state schooling is inferior to what you actually want, what are you going to do about it?

And why do you think it is inferior? have you looked at any state schools?

Just taking another look at the OP and mis-reading it for a second as "Rich Tease" - must get a new pair of bi-focals [hgrin]

RichTeas is English your second language?

Your thread title says pretend state schools are not so bad, which implies you think they are really awful.