To want this mum to get her comeupance

[Tryingtobenice]

Ok so IABU and I don't really want there to be any impact as that would mean her baby is unhappy but...

WIBU to want to stamp my foot a bit and tantrum 'it's not fair!'?

I have ebf on demand, very much baby driven parenting, carrying her everywhere because she doesn't much like being put down (screams if you try). She is in a side of bed cot or our bed each night. I've done all I can to meet her needs so she doesn't scream the house down is happy and secure.

My friend has instilled a routine at 2 weeks, night weaned/ sleep trained from 8 weeks and has had her in her own room from 12 weeks.

The outcome just seems so unfair.

My baby is lovely, very alert and lively and is happy most of the time, but we still have to keep her entertained fairly labour intensively and she hasn't slept for more than 3 hours at a stretch in 5 months.

Friend's baby could be an advert for Gina Ford. Content, calm, sleeps through. She wakes up at 5am but "we just leave her to chat to herself until 7"!

If i left my DD for more than 10 mins we would be at defcon 1, full screaming, real tears, purple face.

2 different parents, 2 different babies, 2 different approaches and 2 different outcomes.

What if i listened to the wrong advice? What if I have 'made a rod for my own back'?

AIBU to even just a little bit hope that friend's DD is a really badly behaved, insecure nuisance as a todler?

Bloody hell, the OP was clearly just wanting to have a moan and get a bit of support, some people are just desperate to be bitchy

You sound very childish. Be grateful that you have a healthy baby.

Enjoy your little one, and stop being so jealous. There are people that would give anything to be in your position.........learn to appreciate what you have.

YABU and I hope you aren't my friend as if so my DDs 4 month sleep regression is your fault.

She is EBF, routine from 5 weeks, sttn 11 hours from 9 weeks, such a happy delightful little baby. Then she hit 17 weeks and for the past month I can count the nights she sttn on one hand. If anyone had actually wished this on me I wouldn't be considering them my friend.

It nothing to do with parenting styles and all to do with the baby. My ds was like your friends baby, yet was ebf and not put into a routine at all, he literally slept 12 hours at 10 weeks, was happy, content, chatted away to himself, rarely cried etc, all by himself. My dd 3 years later more than made up for it and my ds has been very challenging behaviourally in recent years. Yabu but I understand :-)

I ebf - my baby cut feeds really early - I have to prompt him to feed, he doesn't cry he's so chilled out.
I was more than willing to cosleep, my baby loves his Moses basket. I can pop him down and he falls asleep. No crying

I've not done anything to do this. He just is. It's not done me any favours, I have to set alarms to make sure he feeds enough.

You sound lovely

Just comfort yourself with the fact it is the baby, not the routine!

There is no such thing as getting one's comeuppance.

Frankly, night weaning that early can do damage to a baby.

You've listened to what your baby needs - how can that be the wrong thing to listen to?

Don't be so harsh on yourself.

What do you mean SirBoobalot? My bf DD cut her night feed (by herself) at 5 weeks (slept 12 to 8:30 am) and cut the before bed feed (by herself) at 7 weeks (slept 9 to 8:30 am). Why would that have done damage to her? She seems fine to me.

Cutting the feeds out by themselves is one thing. Night weaning and sleep training a baby (which is what the OP says) is entirely another.

Oh right.. Wtf is sleep training? Does nobody follow the 'let them cry for five minutes' rule anymore?

Well OP YAB totally U. Also, to answer your question, yes you've made a rod for your own back by never putting the baby down. Madness.. It stands to reason that if you never put the baby down, the baby will strongly object to being put down..

Well I was being facetious... but in general, when baby goes to bed and you know all his/her needs have been met, baby can be let grizzle (is that a word?) for a short time surely, without being picked up?

Well that's why I used the word 'grizzle' (or is it 'gristle'), not cry. I actually don't think a crying child always needs something.. it's human nature to want attention... but yeah horses for courses.

Leaving aside your reference to "comeuppance", and therefore assuming your post is broadly wry and tongue in cheek, first babies are a real learning curve/journey - in more ways than you realise. You learn a lot, not just about how to parent etc, but about yourself too. It's difficult not to compare and look at everything through a microscope initially .... because you want a formula, to know you're doing it right, particularly if you're someone who likes quantifiable, measurable things!

You sound (understandably) shell-shocked, and exhausted right now. I encouraged self-settling/soothing and introduced routine from about 2 weeks with each DC and it helped me know where I was in the day. It's fine as long as you don't get hung up on exactness and start getting strung out about "the routine being shot to shit" because your baby's should have gone to sleep 7 mins ago. It's not all or nothing. Tbh all i would do is get them up at 7am-ish, aim to be down by 7pm-ish (everything in between follows on from that), give her some help to self-settle and try to space feeds a bit.

Good luck. You'll be fine.

Yabu and a saddo.

YABU and bitter.

Well it's not come-uppance, as in her having to pay for something she's done wrong, is it?

As far as I can see she's cracked it, whereas you haven't. She has a baby happy to amuse itself whereas you have one that can't cope without you because you have only ever pandered to it. You might have a bit of a job in undoing all that behaviour but it's not impossible and you'll work it out in the end I'm sure. You've just made it a bit more difficult but we all make mistakes and none of us are perfect.

She might well have a stroppy toddler and you don't but it's anyone's guess. My first was easy and my second is a stroppy toddler and I don't think I did much differently.

DD1 was a lot like your friend's baby.

I guess I "got my comeuppance" when DD2 came along....

Your friend's baby sounds v much like my first, although she was sleeping through/own room by 9 weeks.

Your own baby sounds like my second child.

Same parents, different children.

Take your friend out of the equation and get on with your own life.