To want this mum to get her comeupance

[Tryingtobenice]

Ok so IABU and I don't really want there to be any impact as that would mean her baby is unhappy but...

WIBU to want to stamp my foot a bit and tantrum 'it's not fair!'?

I have ebf on demand, very much baby driven parenting, carrying her everywhere because she doesn't much like being put down (screams if you try). She is in a side of bed cot or our bed each night. I've done all I can to meet her needs so she doesn't scream the house down is happy and secure.

My friend has instilled a routine at 2 weeks, night weaned/ sleep trained from 8 weeks and has had her in her own room from 12 weeks.

The outcome just seems so unfair.

My baby is lovely, very alert and lively and is happy most of the time, but we still have to keep her entertained fairly labour intensively and she hasn't slept for more than 3 hours at a stretch in 5 months.

Friend's baby could be an advert for Gina Ford. Content, calm, sleeps through. She wakes up at 5am but "we just leave her to chat to herself until 7"!

If i left my DD for more than 10 mins we would be at defcon 1, full screaming, real tears, purple face.

2 different parents, 2 different babies, 2 different approaches and 2 different outcomes.

What if i listened to the wrong advice? What if I have 'made a rod for my own back'?

AIBU to even just a little bit hope that friend's DD is a really badly behaved, insecure nuisance as a todler?

You know YABU OP, but I do think that people are taking your post a bit too seriously. Come on, we've all struggled at one point or another and envied someone who appears to be having an easier time than us. OP is just having a moan that's all. She's not being nasty.

You haven't made a rod for your own back OP. It sounds as if you've been responding to your baby's needs and that's all you can do. Some babies are easy and some aren't. That's just life I'm afraid.

I quite agree Arthur. The language from some people on this thread is dreadful.

Wow Egusta! You could be me, that post was spot on.

Everyone else stop picking on OP I completely understand why she would feel jealous of anybody who does not have an annoying whiney a demanding child. I thought it was perfectly natural. If not I'm obviously a complete cunt as well.

Just take comfort from the fact that both parenting styles are bloody hard and take it from someone who has tried a bit of both that establishing a rigid routine has just as many disadvantages as having a baby permanently attached to you. She has worked hard and got lucky, you have worked hard and been blessed with a whinger. Shit happens.

Poor OP.

T'is nothing you've done.

I carried and ebf all three of mine, and they very confident, content babies.

They didn't sleep through until I stopped feeding them at night, but that wasn't a problem.

Your baby is the way she is, because that's the way she is. And that's the way you are - you parented in the way that seemed natural and best for you

AND THAT'S EXACTLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO!

Well you know Tail, these keyboard warriors don't have the insight to see a person behind the post.

Its easy to think that what you do ot dont do as a parent makes a huge difference to your baby, with your first. And it SORT of does. But it mainly doesnt!

My first was just a demanding baby who didnt sleep much and needed tp be held, rocked and entertained constantly. My second was an absolute dream who slept 12 hours a night from a month old and was just always a gurgly, happy, chilledout thing.it was NOTHING to do with what I did or didnt do.

Cut your self and your friend some slack and try not to be so angry.

I think that it is probably just down to the personalities of the babies tbh. All of my 3 have been parented in a very similar way, yet each has a very different personality, and as babies they ranged in temperament from very calm and happy to just lay on a playmat for hours, to being very high maintenance and wanting to be carried all the time, and barely sleeping at all.

You may well find that your friend's next baby is harder work for her and isn't quite as placid.

you are perfectly reasonable and your friend is a silly woman, not investing in her relationship with the person who depends upon her. she'll suffer for it later.

This is a classic example of mob mentality! One nasty post and everyone tries to outdue themselves with being horrible.

OP, I got your post and am horrified at the responses. I hope you have hidden this thread.

But if you haven't, dd1 was like your dc, dd2 is like your friends. Yes i am more chilled out, but all babies are different. Hang in there, it will get better (dd1 finally slept through then night at age 4)

I'm sorry you have been flamed and had such appalling responses.

Of course it is a bit mean to wish bad things on a person, however, we are all human and it is really, really hard to see another person doing it all so 'easily' whilst it seems to bloody hard at your end and you think you are making the right choices!

I wonder if you would be better off rewording your post and popping it in another topic? I think you would get so much more advice and help.

Just remember, you are not in your friend's house all the time. There is a large possibility that in night weaning/sleep training at such a young age involved leaving the baby to cry and not responding to their needs. I don't care what anybody else on this thread thinks but I think this is terribly wrong. I think your parenting style is preferable, despite it being harder, and is much healthier for your little one.

I had a similar friend who casually mentioned when her child was older that she and DH stopped responding at night and often just ignored her baby when she cried which is how her dd was 'sleeping through' at six weeks. She wasn't sleeping through - her parents were!

Seriously, try posting again but not as AIBU!

lovebunny just as the thread had taken a more pleasant turn, you have to come along and suggest that anybody who has their baby in a routine is silly and doesn't invest in a relationship with their baby .

At which point do you think she'll suffer for it later? I had a routine for my DCs, and 6 and 4 years later we're all very close, so when do you think that's going to go wrong?

So your baby calls the shots as you have trained her to do and now you are moaning?

I patented like your friend but mine didn't sleep that well.

My choice, your choice and your friends choice.

Sounds to me like you were a bit smug at your 'baby led parenting' read too many books and now reality of not having a moment to yourself has now hit you.

Love bunny, that's just bloody hilarious!!

Not sure about the people saying 'you have brought it on yourself'.

Does being an attentive/child-led parent have to be associated with a demanding, needy child - I don't think so.

As I said earlier, I have done this before - in fact I did it both times and had two very different responses from the babies concerned. One was difficult (to me) and the other was very easy indeed.

Babies are all different - no matter HOW you parent them. Some will be hard to cope with and some will be no problem.

It's well silly to try and stereotype either method.

Why is it necessary for people who have DCs who don't sleep well to imply that the only reason other people's DCs sleep through is because their cruel parents have left them screaming in their room for hours on end.

I have never done CC or CIO, Gina Ford or any such thing, but my DCs slept through from 4/5 months. Maybe this was complete luck, maybe it was something to do with the routine we had/the way we parented, maybe a bit of both. Who knows, but it sure as damn it wasn't because I left them screaming.

In fact I'll either take the credit for the sleeping and the criticism for my DSs poor eating, or I'll admit that both are down to chance. I'm not going to have the worst of both worlds though .

And in fact I've answered my own question re. nature vs nurture, as I have one child who wont stop eating and one who wont eat anything. Both fed/treated exactly the same. Go figure!

Is sunday 'sense of humour failure' day? Poor op.

Couldtyou get some tips from your friend op and see if you could improve things for yourself?

I thought I was God's gift to parenting because my DC1 was so easy and well behaved, a rude awakening awaited me with the birth of DC2

me too, Framey

oh my god

we stopped at two, arf

What a nasty piece of work you are!!

Just because your friends baby is happy to entertain itself etc and yours in very demanding you think she needs some "comupance".

Glad you are no friend of mine.

And yes, you have made a rod for your own back, HTH.

I also don't think it sounds like it is a tongue in cheek post. Sounds like she means it to me.

Yabu to think your way = the better way.

All babies are different, some are happy in a routine, some arnt.