"There's nothing to eat in this house!" - DS17 complains

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Apparently there is "nothing to eat" and I am "vindicktive" because I won't give DS(17) money for a kebab and I'm "leaving him with no T and in a foul mood". (The swearing and nasty verbal abuse he's given me are evidence of that ).

We have in our cupboards/freezer, right now: pasta (spaghetti, fusilli and macaroni), rice, bread, flour, cereal (tho no milk cos he drank it all), pizza bases, eggs, cheese, tins of beans and tomatoes, veg sausages, veg burgers, onions, courgettes, mushrooms, toms, apples, pears, tinned tuna and sardines... Not to mention the nuts, lentils, chickpeas, etc... And more...

Oh, and I did make tea - a veg/tofu stir-fry with rice - and saved him some although he wasn't home, which he has now eaten...

But he "wants to eat something that doesn't look like it comes out of a rabbit's arse" (i.e. veggie food=rabbit droppings)

He wanted a kebab, bacon, crisps, biscuits, a ready meal... Something junky, basically.

I didn't want to buy him a kebab partly because we have plenty of food in, partly because I think junk food is a waste of money, but largely because he was being rude.

I think he's being unreasonable, probably because he's hungry... But am I also BU not to buy him a kebab? And more generally, AIBU -

• to expect him to make himself something out of what we have in the cupboards?
• not to keep a constant supply of snacks/junk food in the house?
• to expect him to be polite when he asks me for money, even if he's hungry?

Exactly Saggy, - OP's DS should feel free to chuck "a sarnie together" to save a row with his mum.

OP's DS, having eaten his dinner, was hungry later in the evening and fancied a kebab (or similar). He would have preferred to have that than any of the huge provision of savoury food already in the kitchen.
It's like saying, 'You know I love croissants and potato scones, but you've got nothing but bread and crumpets - that's unreasonable - give me money to get croissants now + verbal abuse".

Some of you think he 'has a point' because he is a man and is going to get an eating disorder and wasted muscles because his mother cooked tofu, rice and veg for his dinner? Seeker, count me in to make a foursome because I think the rest of you are mental.

Do some of you even know that there are entire countries where most of the men don't eat meat and yet still manage to do much more physical labour than the flaccid menfolk of our upstanding nation? Has it never occurred to you why the Red Cross don't include kebabs in their food parcels?

At 17 i would help with the weekly shopping so that there was food i enjoyed too. By 18 i was working & buying my own food.

I suggest that one of those 2 options may suit your son; because he does need to grow up a bit.

So basically you're forcing your 17yr old DS to be a vegetarian and he now wants to assert himself and eat meat and you don't like it.

I rarely ever make my 13YO DS anything to eat after dinner - what with this being his and my home - not a hotel in which I'm an unpaid waitress/cook. Sometimes he makes himself a sandwich or similar in the evening. Sometimes he'd like one but he can't be bothered so he makes do with something else.
Ocassionally I make sandwiches or similar in the late evening.

Oh, just RFT mrsminerva!

OP I don't think YABU about any of the three things.
IMO a compromise would be to have snacks/junk food in the house for an ocassional treat.

I think your option is a perfectly acceptable middle ground Latara. That way, he will learn to appreciate some of the effort that actually comes with stocking cuboards but at the same time will get some input and therefore have to take the responsibility himself.

I actually can't believe that anyone could make allowances for this kind of behaviour because a teenager was "tired and hungry". I have ME and am often really tired, too tired to cook or even to eat, so I am sometimes tired and hungry. Should I then be allowed to treat others like the OP's DS? Of course not and being a teenager makes no difference to the expectation of reasonable behaviour and common courtesy.

I also find it hard to believe that people would make their 16/17y/o a sandwich in the middle of the night just to avoid the row. I have a 22yo, a 19yo and a 15yo amongst others and I don't make them anything at all after dinner. If they want a sandwich/piece of toast/bowl of cereal they get it for themselves. Why would they not, they are not handless or gormless? They are also all quite happy to eat vegetarian food, they have grown up with it, they didn't suddenly find it unacceptable and non nourishing just because they became teenagers. Nor would they ever be so rude to me, whether over food or anything else.

"So basically you're forcing your 17yr old DS to be a vegetarian and he now wants to assert himself and eat meat and you don't like it. "

Did you miss the bit where the OP said she buys in meat for her son?

YABU and yanbu. Yes there was food in the house but its all vegetarian. Your son is a growing man and he wants meat. I know what boys are like when food is concerned. They all want meat meat meat. You're forcing him to be a vegetarian. That's not fair is it?

Next time stock some meat in the freezer and tell him to buy a cookery book and learn how to make meaty dishes so you won't have to be exposed to it.

Oh sorry didn't read you buy meat for him.

Well tell him to learn how to bloody cook then. Put your foot down. He's 17 ffs, he'll be off to university soon. He can live off kebabs when he's fled the nest.

you are completely in the right. If he wants crap unhealthy processed food, he can save up and use his own money. Otherwise he should have whats provided.

The rudeness is unacceptable

seeker, I agree with you.

The OP's son was given dinner. This was cooked for him, and saved for him. He has the opportunity to make himself something else if he is hungry - the OP has not restricted his access to food - she has said there is loads in the cupboard. She has taught him how to make meals and snacks. The food was clearly not disgusting, as he managed to force it down, the poor little lamb.

Then, as a reward, he called his mother a bitch and demanded she buy a kebab for him. Delightful

All this talk of denying him meat, him asserting himself! Please! He's a person who is old enough to treat people with respect, and if he doesn't, then he is also old enough to be aware of the consequences of not doing so. Any 17 year old who cannot make themselves a sandwich deserves no sympathy, IMO.

Your son is being horrible. A 17 year old is perfectly capable of buying and cooking their own food if they don't like the family meal. And there's no excuse for the swearing and aggression.

YANBU.

I agree with Seeker too.

His behaviour was vile. If he's a "man" then he should be more than capable of making himself a snack.

After the rabbit's arse comments, the ungrateful man-child should be cooking all his own meals from now on.

If I had reacted like that my mum would have clipped me around the head and refused to make me anything ever again!

I was making my own meals and helping with family meals at 12/13 so by 17 I was capable of making most things.

I wouldn't have dared speak to my mum like that!

*Some of you think he 'has a point' because he is a man and is going to get an eating disorder and wasted muscles because his mother cooked tofu, rice and veg for his dinner? Seeker, count me in to make a foursome because I think the rest of you are mental.

Do some of you even know that there are entire countries where most of the men don't eat meat and yet still manage to do much more physical labour than the flaccid menfolk of our upstanding nation? Has it never occurred to you why the Red Cross don't include kebabs in their food parcels?*

Provincial Lady - spot on.

I also find it hard to believe that people would make their 16/17y/o a sandwich in the middle of the night just to avoid the row.

Yes, why on earth would a parent do that, unless the 16/17 yo was ill? Seriously weird.

Absolutely vile behaviour. I wouldn't be cooking him any more meals until he learned to show some respect and gratitude. I'd love to have all my meals cooked for me!

"Do some of you even know that there are entire countries where most of the men don't eat meat and yet still manage to do much more physical labour than the flaccid menfolk of our upstanding nation? Has it never occurred to you why the Red Cross don't include kebabs in their food parcels? "

I've only just spotted this post, haha!

We aren't veggie, but prob eat veggie half the week. We can all eat steak one night and veggie stirfry/ roast veg couscous another. One doesn't fill us us more than the other. Dh doesn't suddenly get the shakes and need protein from meat anymore than other day.

I think it's vey rude behaviour and agree with the op on what she has done about it. She made food, saved him some, he ate it. If he wants any other option for dinner or after surely he would just mention that he was going to cook himself something different that eve or just make something after if still hungry. Tofu, rice and plenty of veggies should fill someone up fine.

I too agree with seeker for once.

I can't believe people are defending this young man. If we had carried on like that in our house there would have been absolute hell to pay.

I agree with seeker in being rather bemused by the 'he needs meat he is a MAN'.

If he is that much of a man he can behave like an adult and make his own sandwich, or earn his own kebab money.

There is no way I would make extra food for a damn rude kid because he was tired and irritable. He needs stern words imo. I wouldn't brush this under the carpet - if he gets away with rudeness over a kebab or whatver how vile is his behaviour going to be when he has something serious to be annoyed about.

Yes, pick your battles with teenagers. But in my mind that means not moaning when they leave a milk carton on the side, or nagging at the fact they didn't make their bed. NOT having foods demanded in such fashion and being called a bitch.

And what would people say if the oP was talking about herhusband calling her a bitch because she wouldn't get him a kebab?

Would there be posts saying 'well of course that is unacceptable but you have to see his view, he was tired and stroppy and because he is a man he NEEDS meat?'

Some mothers of sons...