"There's nothing to eat in this house!" - DS17 complains

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Apparently there is "nothing to eat" and I am "vindicktive" because I won't give DS(17) money for a kebab and I'm "leaving him with no T and in a foul mood". (The swearing and nasty verbal abuse he's given me are evidence of that ).

We have in our cupboards/freezer, right now: pasta (spaghetti, fusilli and macaroni), rice, bread, flour, cereal (tho no milk cos he drank it all), pizza bases, eggs, cheese, tins of beans and tomatoes, veg sausages, veg burgers, onions, courgettes, mushrooms, toms, apples, pears, tinned tuna and sardines... Not to mention the nuts, lentils, chickpeas, etc... And more...

Oh, and I did make tea - a veg/tofu stir-fry with rice - and saved him some although he wasn't home, which he has now eaten...

But he "wants to eat something that doesn't look like it comes out of a rabbit's arse" (i.e. veggie food=rabbit droppings)

He wanted a kebab, bacon, crisps, biscuits, a ready meal... Something junky, basically.

I didn't want to buy him a kebab partly because we have plenty of food in, partly because I think junk food is a waste of money, but largely because he was being rude.

I think he's being unreasonable, probably because he's hungry... But am I also BU not to buy him a kebab? And more generally, AIBU -

• to expect him to make himself something out of what we have in the cupboards?
• not to keep a constant supply of snacks/junk food in the house?
• to expect him to be polite when he asks me for money, even if he's hungry?

Of course he was rude and calling his Mum names in completely unnaceptable - and that has to be dealt with.

But some of the replies leave me a bit - he is clearly not vegetarian so why shouldnt he have meat (and this is not a go at OP as she has stated she provides it) - if he wants? Telling him to f off and get a job and buy his own, well if its anything like my teenage DS he would love a job - even a Saturday job but the climate today is not the same as it was when I was a teenager and able to get a part time job.

I agree with the people that say when he says there is "nothing" to eat - he means instantaneous food that takes the minimum of preparing. I do buy what would be termed as "junk" - bit so what, its all about moderation and my DSs eat healthily to. A veggie stir fry would not be enough for my eldest DS.

"It was a hungry, tired rant. He hasn't had one for a while, but it was a bad one. He said and texted nasty things. There was no way I would give him money for a kebab after he'd called me a bitch. "

And there are people on here that are on his side?

And it is such rubbish to say he needs meat!

I'd chew someone's arm off if all I was offered for tea was tofu and rice

" A veggie stir fry would not be enough for my eldest DS."

Surely that depends on how much of it there was?

So if it had been a stir fry with vegetables and strips of beef or chicken in it with rice would that be OK?

Very rude of him, he'd had his dinner and there was plenty of food for him to prepare for himself if he was actually hungry, not just desiring the taste of junk food.

If he was my DS he'd be cooking his own dinners until I got an apology, he's old enough to know better now and should not be allowed to get away with speaking to you that way OP! Actions = consequences.

(My 17 year old brother treats our mother the exact same way, regularly, and DM just takes it! but that's another story)

seeker no-one is on his side - everyone has pointed out his rudeness is unnaceptable. And its not rubbish to say he needs meat - eating meat, just like not eating meat is a choice. Yes no doubt you can all your protein requirements from other food if that is what you mean by "need" but there is a different need to - yes same as "want" of course but why not if you eat meat? I couldnt suddenly start eating veggie meals all the time.

When I lived at home aged 17, I would never have expected my parents either to a) buy the food I wanted for me, or b) to cook for me. This sounds like teenage rebellion a need to break away pure and simple.

Crikey! I would not be happy at all by being called a bitch by my teenager - yes they can have tired rants and mutterings but that kind of verbal onslaught is completely out of order. I would come down on him like a tonne of bricks for that. Why on earth is he so disrespectful? You're his mum, not his culinary slave.

The whole veg meat protein discussion is secondary (and you say you have meat in the house anyway so it is a complete non issue).

I woiuld be incredibly displeased if dd spoke to me like that.

Tofu is a good source of protein, the stir fry would be enough for any person, even a "man".

"He clearly needs meat" made me smile. DH once got accosted by an old lady when he was looking in the veggie section in Sainsbury's, telling him that men needs to eat bacon and sausages, not rabbit food! Well he's 48, been veggie for 23 years and is still fit and well and alive

Of course OP's son can eat meat if he wants, but clearly the issue here is his attitude, not his protein source.

Everybody seems to be saying he shouldn't be rude, but he's in the right, and the OP should buy him the stuff he wants. Presumably he's been living in a vegetarian household as long as the OP has? If he wants that to change, then he needs to sit and talk about it properly.

He wasn't just a bit rude. He called his mother a bitch. Among other things.In my book, that's incredibly, unacceptably rude. And nothing, absolutely nothing would change until there had been a proper apology, and he had shown that he could behave properly for at least a month.

There were sufficient ingredients available to make the ne plus ultra of quick, tasty and monumentally messy snacks - the fried egg sandwich. Ignore him.

Rice is very filling! If he's very hungry he'll enjoy the stir-fry. If he isn't all that hungry it'll be less appetising.
Even large, muscly, active growing lads don't need massive amounts of protein - that's a myth. Protein is mostly needed for growth and repair. Nobody grows so quickly that they need lots of meat.
But OP's DS will need lots of CALORIES.
We've managed for thousands of years without kebabs/ready meals etc.

For those who 'see his point', you have understood that his point wasn't about being provided with meat at home, he his, it was that OP should buy him a greasy takeaway, on demand, late in the evening, after he'd eaten the dinner she'd made and kept for him and, that she should tolerate his being rude, aggressive and manipulative on the grounds that he felt hungry and tired?

If you do see that point then buy me an f takeaway NOW because I am busy, tired, haven't had time for a proper breakfast and, as far as I can tell, you are a bunch of lazy b*** who have nothing better to do than chatter on the Internet! That's ok isn't it? No? At what age does it become not ok? Why is that sort of behaviour ever ok?

He was very rude, that was out of order.
BUT... We're you aware that he would categorically not eat tofu stir fry?
My DS is 16, and WILL NOT eat fish. If I want fish, sadly, I accept that he will need something else for dinner. He is also very hormonal at the moment, and I have learned the hard way, what the triggers are for a row, and how to avoid them. Some days it is SO hard though! I would definitely have said no to a kebab, but I may well, if I was still up, and not in bed, offered to whip him up a sandwich, or chuck him together a pizza. Not to give in to him, but purely to avoid a row over something trivial, which would escalate into a huge traumatic fight involving hysteria, at 1 am.
Are you in a different time zone to the uk?

Fried-egg sandwich, cheese toastie, omelette, cheese on toast and baked beans. Baked potato done in the microwave only takes a few minutes.
Marmite might satisfy his appetite for savoury tastes.
I think he was very lucky to get a tofu and veg stir-fry for his dinner - delicious, filling and super-nutritious.

I agree there are two parenting issues here: The type & quantity of food needed to nourish this particular child at this stage of his development; Behavioural management.

I don't believe in restricting children's access to foods (it's how I got an ED). Maybe have a few more cans of corned beef, packs of bacon, etc, around the house.
He's not alone in being a foul-tempered arse when hungry. 17 is a perfect age to learn self-awareness over this kind of thing; it goes a bit like "I'm angry, I'm hungry, there's a connection. I will reasonably discuss the appropriate options with my mother. Perhaps I'd better neck a can of beans first, since I'm frantic."

The ability to share anger, annoyance, etc, without going ape is a really valuable life skill, btw. Is he able to say "I feel really irritable! I must be craving solid food"?

WRT 'no food in the house' .... have you never said "I've got nothing to wear"?

He ate the stir fry! Then he ranted.

And I'm really sorry, but mothers waiting on their sons to keep the peace are storing up mumsnet relationships threads for the future.

"Not to give in to him, but purely to avoid a row" - that is giving in. Doing something you wouldn't choose to do in order to avoid a row is giving in.

It's about picking your battles as well. How he reacted was completely unnacceptable and should be addressed, however every teenager (usually about 17) goes through a stage between living off their parents and supporting themselves and living completely by their own choices where they feel completely trapped and frustrated. That language should not be tolerated and you definately did the right thing by not buying a kebab but It is quite foolish in my opinion to have such a control battle over food. After this has calmed and he has apologised, I really think it would benefit you both to include his input in family shopping. If I was tired and hungry I would also consider that list of foods to be " nothing to eat"

Erm, no. It's called picking your battles. The most common advice given here over teenage problems. There are PLENTY of things that I stand my ground on. Ive posted about them before. But is not chucking a sarnie together worth a huge row? My DS would have been in bed by one am, so the issue would have been avoided, but we have had rows over food before. I've cooked fish and said eat it or go hungry. He'd go hungry. I'd rather my six ft son didn't go hungry, so on fish day, I make an alternative. Any other time, he eats what he gets.
We have had huge rows over trivial stuff. It kills us both emotionally. There are ways of avoiding the arguments though. IMO, not giving in to abuse over kebab money, but offering a sandwich, is not giving in, it's compromise.

I've got that "i'm living in alternative universe feeling again"! A universe populated by me and about 3 other people. And for the first time ever I am beginning to think that the whining DILs of Mumsnet may have a smigin of a point!

He should have pocket money (or earnings from a saturday job) and buy snacks out of those. It's about learning to manage money. And I was doing it at a lot younger than 17.

No way would I make my 17 year old something to eat after I've made dinner. He's quite able to make something himself, and I wouldn't care if he kicked off because of it. He has in the past but soon learned it makes no difference.

Actually if it was 1am he'd be told to go to bloody bed and that he should have made something earlier.