to be shocked at my nieces' and nephews' diet?

[hornybill]

I might even have to say something to SIL, but not sure, so I thought I'd see what you lot say first.

SIL and her DH have 4 dcs, 7, 5, 3 and 6 months. I love them all and see them regularly. SIL has a very different approach to parenting from me and DH's but whatever, none of my business.

But, the 3 older dcs eat nothing but junk. Crisps, biscuits, ice lollies and orange squash mainly. I used to tell myself that just because that's what they ate when I saw them didn't mean that's what they always eat, but I've now spent enough time with them that I know this is how they always eat. They never really eat meals as such, she just gives them snacks all day long, but not healthy snacks. I think she finds it hard to cope with 4 dcs (fair enough) but the way she has dealt with this is to give them something to eat every time they are bored. So now they ask for food all the time.

I often pick up the older 2 from school and their packed lunch is virtually untouched so they are hungry when they get home and immediately start on the crisps etc. I think they don't bother to eat the sandwich because they know they will get crisps and biscuits as soon as they get home.

I don't understand why SIL who is intelligent and lovely would feed her dcs like this? I'm all for being relaxed around food but this must be terrible for their health?

That was at the fruit shoots comment

Yes and the fact all these behaviours are hers and hers alone, with the poor dh trapped by his useless wife and unable to save his children.

OK - well maybe not fruit shoots

Agree that her DH is also culpable.

DH is definitely culpable. He is a total disgrace if he is just lazily standing by and doing nothing about this, or shrugging his shoulders and saying 'oh, she doesn't listen to me'.

I don't mention the DH much because he doesn't say much, he just gets on with things in the background or does what SIL asks.

Yes I agree he also needs to make changes.

kewcumber do me a favour! I live in one of those countries and am absolutely blessed to be able to feed my children. Most of my neighbours are not so lucky so dont lecture me on what I should or shouldnt think about those people. You have NO idea.

Its about picking your battles. She is just not a neglectful Mum because her children dont eat up to your standards.

Not neglectful to put your children in danger of serious harm?
It's as serious as letting them play on the motorway, only one is immediate harm and one is delayed.

I think I would be worrying for their future health as adults. Their mother is lining up all sorts of preventable health problems for her children - diabetes, strokes, obesity etc ..

With 4 kids, it would still be very practical and money saving to cook simple wholesome meals.

I think you're right to be concerned, I don't think you sound judgy, just worried and with good reason! I agree with those who have suggested that you have to continue to model the right behaviour - invite them over for meals regularly and let them see how your children eat. The grandparents could intervene but it's definitely a very tricky issue to broach.

I wonder if you could make her a cook book with some really simple recipes to get her started - you could say you're contributing to a family cookbook to raise funds for school and ask if she'll try them out for you and see what she and the kids think of them? That way you could have a valid reason to be asking her for feedback on what the kids are eating. You could always try the sympathising - "it's really hard getting the kids to eat their meals when they're mad keen for snacks isn't it?"

IF you live in one of those countries Chictactoe then you should fully realise how fortunate we are here to be able to feed our children properly and how neglectful it is to deliberately feed your children an unhealthy diet that could, in the future, lead to obesity, heart problems, diabetes, cancer and all sorts of other health problems.

You don't come over to me as "judgy" or lacking empathy.
What a difficult situation to be in indeed. As others have aid, there's a huge risk of really offending your SIL if you speak to her about this but her DCs' health will suffer if they continue like this.
It sounds to me like she's in awe of you with your good eaters and their good manners.
I think if she knows that you respect her and understand her difficulties then your small-scale interventions will be more effective. Maybe if you acknowledge your own shortcomings with your own DCs in casual conversation she would accept your help with establishing better eating habits in her DCs.
Good luck.
I really feel for you - such a hard thing to have to watch and have imoacting your own family too.

SHe isn't picking her battles she is concerned about the diet the children are living on. I'm amazed that you use as an excuse that others don;t have so much.

I grew up in one of those countries and (arguably as not africa) my child was born in and adopted from one of those countries, so I do have some idea -I not sure why you assume I don't from the two or three sentences I've written here.

Thanks for the supportive message. Lots to think about.

actually I suspect a diet of mielie porridge would be healthier!

Opps sorry wrong thread.

Are u the op Scorpio?

X post :)

chictatoe, I agreed with some of your other comments about the OP parenting in ways that her SIL agreed with. However, I DO think it is neglectful to only feed your kids treats/crap and not help them understand healthy eating/meal times/snacking/making choices etc. It is neglectful because a child doesn't necessarily know these things and as parents it is our job to teach them.

YANBU to be shocked, but YABU if you say anything. Sounds like SIL's struggling. I agree with Sirzy take over some meals she can freeze and take out in emergencies.

The situation will only change if she wants it too. Be prepared to keep biting your tongue. SIL probably needs your support more than your judgement.

there's no way that anything other than a MASSIVE effort on the whole family's part will sort this out, four whining, sugar-craving kids is a horrible thing to bring on yourself so without a concerted plan of attack it won't change.

terrible situation for you to be in, politically-speaking, OP, don't know what to do other than get dh to say to mil... but making food for their freezer will be a big fat waste of your time, that's guaranteed.

I agree with those who say you seem to be enjoying this a bit too much OP- the smugness radiates from your posts.

I certainly wouldn't recommend you talk to your sil.

My children are fussy eaters and I was a fussy eater as a child, but there is bound to be something they will eat other than crisps and biscuits. Cereal, sandwiches, fruit of some kind, cheese, pasta, fish fingers, beans on toast etc. None of which takes much time or cooking skills. I don't do a lot of cooking from scratch as such, but I wouldn't let them live on crips and biscuits, they do have them sometimes, just not all the time.

As well as affecting their long term health, it's very likely to have a negative effect on their behaviour. So it won't really be making the op's sil's life easier. The bil is also responsible for their well being.