to be shocked at my nieces' and nephews' diet?

[hornybill]

I might even have to say something to SIL, but not sure, so I thought I'd see what you lot say first.

SIL and her DH have 4 dcs, 7, 5, 3 and 6 months. I love them all and see them regularly. SIL has a very different approach to parenting from me and DH's but whatever, none of my business.

But, the 3 older dcs eat nothing but junk. Crisps, biscuits, ice lollies and orange squash mainly. I used to tell myself that just because that's what they ate when I saw them didn't mean that's what they always eat, but I've now spent enough time with them that I know this is how they always eat. They never really eat meals as such, she just gives them snacks all day long, but not healthy snacks. I think she finds it hard to cope with 4 dcs (fair enough) but the way she has dealt with this is to give them something to eat every time they are bored. So now they ask for food all the time.

I often pick up the older 2 from school and their packed lunch is virtually untouched so they are hungry when they get home and immediately start on the crisps etc. I think they don't bother to eat the sandwich because they know they will get crisps and biscuits as soon as they get home.

I don't understand why SIL who is intelligent and lovely would feed her dcs like this? I'm all for being relaxed around food but this must be terrible for their health?

Sorry Op but you sound like you are loving the "I am so much better than her"

Must be in the reading she just sounds concerned to me. Lots of people do things I don't and I'm not at all , more [ho hum]. No doubt others think the same about me.

I think you also notice a bit more when your children are a similar age and you see them quite a bit. My sisters children are around 15 years older than mine and she really can't remember what it was like now!

I also think that whilst of course your SIL is responsible for their diet whilst BIL is at work, they should be parenting the children together, and this problem lies with him too.

Yup

In-laws definitely understand so maybe DH oculd have a word with them first.

Maybe suggest she gives them multi-vitamins? That's the usual advice for people with bad diets.

I know an adult who lives on chips and mayo - she never eats any fruit or veg.

multi-vitamins a good suggestion - though it won't protect against bowl cancer

or bowel cancer either

What a nasty post Chictactoe. Why is it wrong for an aunt to be worried that her nieces and nephews are being consistently fed unhealthily? There are times when you do have to get involved you know? It doesn't mean you're being judgmental. It's called being 'concerned'.

While I agree she is right to be concerned - very concerned - I've flagged up a couple of commens that indicate to my mind that the OP is smug and lacking in empathy.

I hope I don't come across as lacking in empathy. I agree though that I come across as annoyed at times.

Oh come on, stop going on about how hard SIL must have it with four kids - it was her decision. She will have know how hard four under 7 would be but that's her lot now so she needs to get on with it. For most of the time, two of them will be at school so she doesn't even have them with her all day!

OP, I think some of these posts are ridiculous. Of course you're concerned, who wouldn't be? The diet of those kids is rubbish. My two eat a bit of junk food a lot at weekends but this is balanced with healthy meals and decent packed lunches. It can't be that hard as I'm no chef!

I really don't know what you can do about it though. Some people really don't see it as a problem and don't think eating crap all the time is really that big a deal

I agree about bowel cancer - that would worry me the most with nothing in the diet to combat free radicals. But I was thinking it would be easier to suggest that than to say 'you're feeding the kids all wrong you need to change their diet' iyswim.

fair enough OP. I hope you can find soemthing to do. Chances are high these children are in for some very crap health problems and very soon.
(and just to reiterate, my DCs' diet is not brilliant but it is "meals" and contains fruit and vegetables)

I dont see it as a nasty post at all. Absolutely my view on the situation. Not one of you are perfect parents and I bet you could be pulled up on something you do. Just seems to make people feel better if they are pointing and whispering at others instead of looking at themselves.

Her children - her way. How many times has this been said on MN before? It only seems to apply when people are agreeing with you.

Pick your battles.

To all the people giving the OP a hard time, is it right to turn a blind eye when children's health is at stake? I don't think so personally. Poor eating habits start early and persist for life. I'd want to help too if I could, although I wouldn't know how to go about it without potentially causing offence.

No one's saying they're perfect Chictactoe. But there's a happy medium between 'perfect' and 'neglectful'. People constantly looking the other way and saying it's 'none of their business' are often the reason that situations escalate and then people start saying 'but why didn't someone do something? They must have had family around who knew'.

Well then I should think a very large portion of the worlds population would be neglectful. Majority live off a staple of some kind and one meal a day (if they lucky)

I am considering getting DH to speak to MIL. I think that may be better as SIL is her DD and I am just her DIL. We could make small changes, when the dcs come to my house or MIL's house. I think she might take that on board. About a month ago it was a sunny day one weekend and MIL invited us all over for a bbq. She had packets of crisps out so all the dcs had one, then SIL's dcs went to take another. Mine looked at me and I said "no more, it's dinner soon." SIL then said the same but her dcs started to complain so she said ok one more as long as you eat your dinner. They didn't, they were full of crisps. They all had one bite out of MIL's expensive 100% pork sausages and it was such a waste. It's bad manners! An hour or so later they were back into the crisps and looking in MIL's cupboards for biscuits because they hadn't had a proper meal. I could see she was annoyed as she made a light-hearted comment "it's all right when you're a granny's house isn't it?!"

"Her children - her way" that doesn't always apply though IMO:

car seats
leaving children alone
totally inadequate diet without attempting to improve it
playing on a (busy) road
drinking fruit shoots

Chicatoe We're talking about someone who is in a position to give her children nutritious food and isn't doing so. Not someone in a poverty stricken country who is just trying, day to day, to stop their kids from starving to death.

at granny's house

Is there a local college near to you both? Or just her? They sometimes do 10 week coursed on cookery, perhaps they'd have one on healthy eating? I know it'd be a strong hint but you could suggest you both go one night a week and her dh could watch the dcs? She may like the idea? Or buy her some easy cook books?

courses*

Majority live off a staple of some kind and one meal a day (if they lucky)

And you think thats what they'd like to feed their children? Do you want to know the life expectancy of people who live in parts of the world that can only manage one meal of one food a day?

Really? We're justifying a mother feeding her children a staple diet of crisps because children in Africa only get one maize porridge meal a day? DO you realise that the UN is funding a project to fortify such meals because of teh lack of vitamins and minerals in it.

Lol kew

OP, I don't think more examples of her 'behaviour' are necessary - I think this is why some posters think you are coming across as enjoying this a bit too much.