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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you give up your seat on a crowded train

335 replies

akaemmafrost · 08/10/2012 18:19

During rush hour, for a child, say between the ages of 5 and 11?

I would and have. It's just a discussion I was having today and I thought I would put it to MN.

OP posts:
marbleslost · 08/10/2012 20:02

I was so grateful that a lady got up on a train and offered me and my 5 year old a seat. Not because we needed it. But because my df who had terminal cancer was stood behind us and he took the seat. He was on the verge of collapsing but we hadn't anticipated how poorly he was that day. Yes if someone's struggling I'd give up my seat. But I don't think an over 5 year old needs it particularly unless it's been a long day. Even then they can sit on the floor if need be. And even then, if i'd gone for a long journey it's up to me to book seats - not expect others who've booked them to give them up.

SadPanda · 08/10/2012 20:03

My daughter got hers from the National Autistic Society. It supposed to go in a wallet for emergencies but she has it in an old ID badge holder instead. It stops people tutting at the young person sitting near the driver instead of moving down the bus.

BillyBollyBandy · 08/10/2012 20:03

If anyone said to me "I/my ds/my nan is having difficulty standing, could we have your seat please?" Of couse I would move, but I wouldn't offer it unless I could see a mother/father struggling with little one/s.

However it makes much more sense to have a parent with child on knee and so more space on the train for those standing.

FudgeyCookie · 08/10/2012 20:03

LRD children get free train travel up to the age of 5 yay for dp working for train company and full of info

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/10/2012 20:06

Thanks fudgy.

I don't understand why people expect children to stand for healthy adults/sit on laps, then.

Original poster
akaemmafrost · 08/10/2012 20:06

I'll look into that sadpanda. Ds is autistic too. Thanks so much.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 08/10/2012 20:10

I was brought up as a child to offer my seat to an adult.

Seems times have changed

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/10/2012 20:12

I was brought up to give up my seat if someone else needed it.

Most of the time, a healthy adult needs a seat less than a young child, surely?

(I am clearly going to be a horrible, 'entitled' parent. Grin)

SadPanda · 08/10/2012 20:15

I'll look into that sadpanda. Ds is autistic too. Thanks so much.

In which case here is where you order one.

catgirl1976 · 08/10/2012 20:16

I;m with LRD in that I would always give up my seat to a pregnant woman, elderly person or someone ill / injured. But not a child unless there was some sort of good reason

And I wouldn't expect them to give up a seat for me, but only because manners have slipped so far

Coprolite · 08/10/2012 20:18

Little children haven't got the weight behind them to hold their own in a crowd.
They haven't got the strength to hold on to a rail in a mass of people.
They are more likely to get bashed in the face and eyes by elbows,bags etc,at their height.

For that reason I unapologetically remain firmly in the seat- givver- upperer -camp as a healthy strong adult.

KenLeeeeeee · 08/10/2012 20:19

I was always taught as a child to offer my seat to an adult, but now I am an adult, I worry for children standing on buses/trains in case they fall over, so I have been known to give them my seat.

MarianForrester · 08/10/2012 20:22

A lovely man gave up his seat for ds (3) on a train this year. His gf then had to listen to ds' chat Blush But they were both lovely, so yes, I would do the same.

avivabeaver · 08/10/2012 20:24

i have done- getting onto the dreaded 11.00pm train out of euston after taking dds to see a show in London- my eldest is young, fit and agile and has sharp elbows so managed to get 3 seats for us. Stood next to us were a girl of about 10/11 who ran and jumped on the train at the last minute. They had also obviously been for a night out. The girl looked absolutely exhausted so I offered her my seat (dds then tried to out do me and offer me theirs!)

If someone needs it more than me, it is theirs!

RubyFakeNails · 08/10/2012 20:24

Certainly not for a child who appears to have no need to sit down. I give seats for the elderly, disabled and pregnant.

I've taken my children on the tube during rush hour from babies, we live in zone 2 and its our main mode of transport. Unless its empty, they stand. I teach them to give their seat up for adults, if there is a seat I will stand and give them the seat or sit and they stand by me.

chrissieagogo · 08/10/2012 20:25

No, unless they looked like they were struggling (a very small child of 5, say).

In fact, I was always taught as a child that children should give up their seats on public transport for adults (as children paid half fare or free, are more likely to be healthy, and can sit on parents' knee if needed).

I'm a bit surprised that anyone would give up their seat for an otherwise able-bodied child... it's the complete opposite of what I thought was a social norm! The things you learn on MN...

CremeEggThief · 08/10/2012 20:27

Yes of course I would.

ImaginateMum · 08/10/2012 20:35

My children have to come on my knee if an adult is standing. If I have a seat and a child on my knee, I will not give it up unless the whole carriage is infirm though.

They also have to go upstairs on a crowded bus, as we are well able to get up and down the stairs in a way others can't. We usually get a seat that way.

I do think it is hard for little ones to stand on crowded tubes and buses for many reasons - one being that their face is at handbag / laptop bag / rucksack height so they keep getting bashed unless you can kind of wangle them into a corner space.

I have politely asked people if they will move their bag to their other shoulder a couple of times, as they were repeatedly whacking my DD in the face. Did not go down well either time.

Babymamaroon · 08/10/2012 20:43

Interesting question... Having used the tube since I was 11 it has not ever crossed my mind to give up my seat to a child. In fact it really irks me when on a packed train seats are taken up by older children as I would always have stood for an adult as a child. Obv if a parent were struggling etc yes I would and have offered my seat to every preg and elderly person I've seen.

difficultpickle · 08/10/2012 20:46

No but I would for a younger child who may struggle to stand up and hold on, eg on the tube. At the ages of 5 to 11 I would expect dcs to offer their seats to those who needed them.

HomeEcoGnomist · 08/10/2012 20:55

No, I expect children to get up for adults!

I was v pissed off last week to get on a v busy commuter train - 8.25, which I do my level best to avoid at all costs - to see a 4 year old taking up a seat, plugged into a laptop so mummy could carry on her nice chat with her friend

In my day, the rule was if you don't pay, you don't get a seat if it's busy. My kids go on my lap or stand.

purplepenguin86 · 08/10/2012 20:59

Pre school age I would offer my seat to them/their parent. Otherwise I will always offer my seat to elderly/pregnant/disabled people, including children. But I am also of the opinion that children should offer their seats to elderly/pregnant/disabled/mother with baby or toddler. It is what I was always taught to do, and at 26 I can't see that things can have changed so much that the etiquette doesn't apply to children now. I am also hypermobile, and often have pain in my hips, so there is no way I would think a 9/10/11 year old needed a seat more than I did, unless they had some type of disability. Even if I was experiencing pain, I would still give up my seat to someone elderly or heavily pregnant etc - it's just manners.

discrete · 08/10/2012 21:01

I would and have for young children.

When they are a bit older, only if they look like they need it.

Knowsabitabouteducation · 08/10/2012 21:04

I grew up expecting to give up my seat for an adult. I have brought up my own children to do likewise.

zlist · 08/10/2012 21:07

No, my ds age 8 would sit on my lap for an adult.