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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you give up your seat on a crowded train

335 replies

akaemmafrost · 08/10/2012 18:19

During rush hour, for a child, say between the ages of 5 and 11?

I would and have. It's just a discussion I was having today and I thought I would put it to MN.

OP posts:

Ephiny · 08/10/2012 19:23

I'm 30 and can't usually reach the overhead handholds on trains/Tubes :)

pigletmania · 08/10/2012 19:24

No not if the child does not have sn

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/10/2012 19:24

Some children obviously are less able to stand. A few years ago I saw someone's toddler crack his head when the tube lurched and he hit someone's briefcase. It was not good.

Able-bodied adults are much more able to grab onto stuff - all the hanging rails/seat backs are in the right place for us.

pumpkinsweetie · 08/10/2012 19:25

Yes i would for a child, expectant mum or the elderly and have done many times when i used to use the tube.
Respect, manners and good deeds mean a lot

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/10/2012 19:26

Whoops ... or, closer to in the right place for us. Sorry ephiny.

There is a MNer who mentioned town planning is dodgy for women generally, I wonder if she could get onto this one for us and revolutionize how trains are laid out? I could do with that overhead bar being a few inches lower.

Coprolite · 08/10/2012 19:26

Ephiny,neither can I. Which of course makes it all the harder trying to keep hold of a couple of young children and any bags!

ThalianotFailure · 08/10/2012 19:26

I'm interested in this 5 yo not able to keep their balance issue - DD is 2.9 and has no problem standing on trains as long as she has something to hang on to, be it a pole or me. But she is used to travelling on busy trains (as every time we go to my mum we get tangled up in the early rush hour on the way home) so maybe that makes a difference. As it is, she sits on my knee or in her pram if it's busy, she is never allowed her own seat once all the seats are taken. I well remember the London rush hour and how knackering it is, and I don't think any child is ever so bone-crushingly tired as an adult whose just had a shitty day at work. So no, if I was commuting to/from work, I wouldn't offer a child a seat. Obviously pregnant women and elderly people, yes.

GoSakuramachi · 08/10/2012 19:29

No, I wouldn't give up my seat on the very remote chance that they have a totally hidden disability. If it was my child who needed a seat I would ask for one, or sit them on my knee, or give them mine.

I would give a woman with a small child my seat, and expect her to sit the child on her knee.

Original poster

akaemmafrost · 08/10/2012 19:30

I agree five year olds are less able to stand and keep their balance especially when being barged into by adults in crowded situations. Just not as developed or practiced at it are they?

OP posts:

Coprolite · 08/10/2012 19:31

I really look at it as a safety issue rather than a tiredness one for most children particularly the smaller children.

picturesinthefirelight · 08/10/2012 19:31

Yes I have given up
My seat for a child on the tube. I also sit ds down rather than me if there is just one seat. Dd is a bit older and more able to balance.

We don't live in London so our tube trips are a once a year thing.

Original poster

akaemmafrost · 08/10/2012 19:31

Agree children should sit on knees. But NO seats were offered it was me holding onto an overhead pole while dc held onto me.

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 08/10/2012 19:31

Yes at the 5 year old end of the scale, probably not for the 11 year old end.

Always for pregnant women, the elderly and anyone who looks unwell, or unable to stand easily.

Ephiny · 08/10/2012 19:34

The handrail thing doesn't bother me personally, I'm able-bodied with reasonably good balance and find I don't actually need to hold on to anything. Of course not everyone is the same, so if you really do have problems with standing and balance for whatever reason, it's worth asking someone if you can sit.

I agree about town planning etc LRD, it seems to me that public spaces, offices etc are designed for the average man which is inconvenient/uncomfortable if you're a smaller-than-average woman. Of course there's no way of pleasing everyone, maybe if handrails were lower the tall people would keep hitting their heads on them!

Coprolite · 08/10/2012 19:35

I personally have a long standing bug bear that we go home with our babies from hospital only after it has been checked that we have a correctly fitted car seat,but once on public transport,ideas relating to a childs' safety seem to go right out of the window.
I'd like to see them all in seats with seatbelts personally.

(takes cover)

miaowmix · 08/10/2012 19:40

No, if anything I would expect a child to give up their seat for me ( I expect my 5 year old to so the same for other adults), but I think I'm a bit old school for MN.
IF someone mentioned that they had difficulty standing then of course I would give up my seat for them, child or adult, but how on earth could anyone know if it is a hidden disability and you don't ask?

pumpkinsweetie · 08/10/2012 19:41

It's a shame that the majority on here wouldn't give up a seat for a child.
I would prefer children were safe on public transport than thinking of my own arse first.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/10/2012 19:42

No bit I might give up my seat to their care rand they can sit in their lap

Nancy66 · 08/10/2012 19:44

Nope....

miaowmix · 08/10/2012 19:46

Pumpkin, my child is 5 and perfectly fit and healthy, I have taught her that it's a nice thing to do to respect adults and eg give up her seat. I wouldn't actually put her in danger, but then again I don't really find public transport terrifying and hazardous. If it was, I'd hold her hand. She will survive .

ThalianotFailure · 08/10/2012 19:49

pumpkinsweetie - maybe I'm a hardened commuter but I don't see how it's unsafe. Yes, it's a squash but apart from maybe a bump from a bag I don't get that it's unsafe? If you're concerned you can always wait for the next train, if it's the rush hour another one will be along soon.

OP - so you were holding on to a pole and your DC was holding on to you. Again, that sounds alright to me. How long was it for?

GoSakuramachi · 08/10/2012 19:50

"It's a shame that the majority on here wouldn't give up a seat for a child."

Really? You think we should have children on every seat on the train, while all the adults stand? The idea that some fools society has become utterly centred on pampered children is starting to make sense.

I grew up using public transport daily. My mother would never have let me sit down when there were paying adults needing a seat. She would have been mortified. Thats called decent manners. This notion of your pampered perfectly healthy pfb needing a seat at all times is ridiculous, and the opposite of good manners.

SadPanda · 08/10/2012 19:52

OP my daughter has a blue disability awareness card that she wears when she uses public transport. Would something like that help?

crashdoll · 08/10/2012 19:56

If I was physically healthy, I would give up my seat for a small child but not for an older child.

Original poster

akaemmafrost · 08/10/2012 19:59

That's an idea sadpanda will look into that. Is it an official one from somewhere?

OP posts:

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