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Original poster

Would you give up your seat on a crowded train

335 replies

akaemmafrost · 08/10/2012 18:19

During rush hour, for a child, say between the ages of 5 and 11?

I would and have. It's just a discussion I was having today and I thought I would put it to MN.

OP posts:
Original poster
akaemmafrost · 08/10/2012 18:30

What if no ones got a seat including the parent and they are struggling to help their children to stand?

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/10/2012 18:30

Yes, I agree with that akaemma.

You don't know why someone's asked. I suppose there are cheeky buggers out there who'd ask 'may I sit down' when they're just lazy, but most people probably wouldn't chance it, I reckon.

I can't judge children's ages so I just offer if they look wobbly.

I assume a five year old is pretty heavy, too, so probably you wouldn't want them on your lap for hours.

How old does a child have to be before you pay for a seat for them?

scurryfunge · 08/10/2012 18:32

I'm one of the weirdos who scans the carriage looking for suitable people to give my seat up for!( MN anxiety).

trixymalixy · 08/10/2012 18:33

Yes, I would assume the parent was asking for a good reason There's no reason for me not to manage to stand for a journey.

Sirzy · 08/10/2012 18:33

But you never know with anyone so unless you give up your seat for anyone who is standing you may be leaving a stuggler to stand. Unless they specifically ask you could never know

Coprolite · 08/10/2012 18:34

If no one has a seat then I would give mine up for a child of infant/junior age,and for anyone who I could see was less able to stand or for anyone that a request was made because it wasn't immediately obvious.
I am robust,fit and healthy myself, so why not.It's nice to be nice.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 08/10/2012 18:34

I would, but that's because I have hypermobility and my friends DD has EDS and dyspraxia so I know crappy it can be.

For the original question, no I wouldn't necessarily give up my seat for a child on the basis that they may have an invisible disability, ditto with adults, but if I was asked I'd always give a seat up without arguing Smile

60sname · 08/10/2012 18:35

I would if you explained, as for anyone who specifically asked, with a reason. Not as a matter of course. (I offer my seat to the elderly and pregnant).

LRDtheFeministDragon · 08/10/2012 18:35

Sirzy - I'd try to spot who's struggling and offer. But if someone asked, I'd assume they had their reasons, unless it seemed very clear they were being a wanker.

MadBusLady · 08/10/2012 18:35

I always move when asked, I just don't have the nerve to say no! The only time I've ever said no it was because I was on the point of throwing up and thought standing would be the last straw. And I think the person asking believed me because they sort of reared away when I looked up at them and they saw the colour of my face!

Handsfulloffun · 08/10/2012 18:35

I would and have especially for the younger children.

Sirzy · 08/10/2012 18:37

But that's my point you can't always ask so to expect people to offer it is daft unless you have very obvious problems.

I struggle to stand on transport but outwardly you would never know so I wouldn't expect people to offer me a seat.

Sirzy · 08/10/2012 18:37

That should say "can't always tell"

TandB · 08/10/2012 18:38

I would offer for a parent with a small child, but I would offer the seat to the parent and let them hold the child. I wouldn't offer for an older child. When I was a child we were expected to give up our seats to anyone older than us and everyone I knew did so willingly and as a matter of courtesy.

If a parent asked and gave a reason then I would give up my seat of course.

MadBusLady · 08/10/2012 18:39

Need varies as well. I once asked (in my mid-20s) to sit down because I had a migraine coming on and bloody hell, I needed that seat! Nice person gave it up no problem.

Narked · 08/10/2012 18:40

If you/he have hidden disabilities you need to tell someone. I would give up my seat then. I'd also do that for any child who was being shoved around on a crowded train/looked like they were struggling. Unfortunately I can imagine some people wouldn't move.

DH literally caught an old lady a couple of weeks ago. The train was packed and she nearly fainted. He could give her water (he had grabbed a bottle at the station) but didn't have a seat to give. He asked people around him to give the lady a seat and they flat out refused. Seriously. Some fecker even said 'don't judge me.' For a fainting old lady.

MadBusLady · 08/10/2012 18:40

I'm making it sound like I spend my life being acutely ill on trains. Those were the only two times! Grin

BreconBeBuggered · 08/10/2012 18:41

Once my DC were too big to sit on my lap, I expected them to stand up for adults, rather than the other way around.

lovesmellingthecoffee · 08/10/2012 18:41

No under normal circumstances I think a child should be giving up its seat for me if nothing else it would make life easier for me and help the child grow into a considerate adult. If there were any special circumanstances around the child I would happily let them sit in my place

monkeysbignuts · 08/10/2012 18:42

I tend to put my child on my knee if its a packed train so others can sit too. Mine are 5 & 3, I am heavily pregnant so at the minute my knee is not really an option (total limited space on it with a huge bump!)
No one offered me their seat incidently at the weekend even though its obvious I am ready to drop!

Naoko · 08/10/2012 18:42

Not without being asked. However, if the parent of an otherwise healthy looking child asked me to get up, I would, because I'd assume they wouldn't ask unless the child needed the seat for some reason I couldn't see.

What I don't do is get up for people my parents' age (ie early '60s) who seem perfectly well able to stand but give me the evil eye because I'm sitting down and younger than them. I have hypermobility, I need that seat even though I look well, I'll get up for someone who's clearly really struggling to stand if I think I can cope with having to stand better than they can, but I'm not standing up just because they're older than I am.

In fact, that's my mental test for getting up without being asked - 'can I cope better with having to stand for the duration of my trip than the person who's just got on'. If yes, they get my seat, if no, I keep it. I hate the looks, the sneering, and the whispering I get from some people though - I look well but I'm not and I'm not just being antisocial :(

Narked · 08/10/2012 18:44

A nice person at the far end of the carriage did give up a seat in the end BTW, but it stunned me how selfish people are - the whole carriage didn't have invisible disabilities.

Coprolite · 08/10/2012 18:45

I think some young children would feel very overwhelmed at standing in a crowd. Imagine it from their height,where elbows are very close and people can't see you down there.I know,even being a short adult,that crowds can be scary places as people can literally look straight over your head.
I'd like to think others would give my small DD a seat if possible.

crashdoll · 08/10/2012 18:46

No reason why a healthy, able older child shouldn't stand. It's going down a tricky route if you automatically offer your seat to a child because they might have a disability. If you do it for a child, why not an adult?

VivaLeBeaver · 08/10/2012 18:46

No, I have slipped discs.

A nice man did on a crowded tube when I was standing as well, dd was struggling to stay on her feet - she was maybe 6. I was struggling to hang on, hold bags and her. I was very grateful.

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