Would you give up your seat on a crowded train

[akaemmafrost]

During rush hour, for a child, say between the ages of 5 and 11?

I would and have. It's just a discussion I was having today and I thought I would put it to MN.

Yes it's a bit annoying for those of us who were brought up to give up our seats to adults when we were children, and now we're adults ourselves we're supposed to stand up for other people's kids!

Not that that makes it right or wrong. Just interesting how it's changed.

o I wouldn't, and it annoys me when I see children who could sit on a parent's lap taking up seats.

I would of course give up my seat for anyone in greater need of it than me (ill, infirm, pregnant or whatever) but I just don't see that a healthy child would fall into that category.

As a child I was told to give up my seat from around six, I think. That was once I was fairly stable and there were two other children competing for my mum's knee space by then, anyway. When I took the train to school from age eleven it was clearly displayed on the ticket and the train that we must ALWAYS give up our seats to adults. The guards enforced it, too.

I was also always told to say thank you to the bus driver which I still do and my children are made to do. No-one else seems to though, which I don't understand. Surely it is basic manners?

The ones that annoy me are the men who sit with their legs splayed across two or three seats and look really annoyed if you ask them to close their legs so you / your children can sit down. Am quite happy to make both mine stand up for an adult to have one seat, not for a selfish man to have three!

When DCs were 5ish they were often spontaneously offered seats by healthy young adult men on crowded tube trains at the end of long tiring days which we always accepted gratefully as it's safer given their height and inferior balance (DS has very mild SN as well). DH and I were always clear about standing ourselves or having them on our knees.

Now they're a bit older they don't get offered seats any more (nor should they) and we are strict about offering seats up to disabled/old/pg people and not sprinting madly for spare seats, but I wouldn't insist they gave up their seats for a random apparently able bodied adult.

Imaginate, I am not a commuter, but will travel Ian's out of London on commuter trains a dozen times s year.

I have no problem telling well endowed men to close their legs. Same with those who have not bought a ticket for their bag.

Those who get on the train from Waterloo around 4pm think the usual rules of engagement do not apply to them. It's good just to be matter of fact - close your legs, shift your bag.

My biggest bugbear is when a single person sits in a 6-person booth. I put them in their place when I arrive with my large brood (and then whisper about the vile smells from their their McD takeaway).

I was also brought up to give up a seat to an adult and stand / sit on parents knee. So many of the posters are judging the apparently "healthy" adults though it's already been pointed out that you can't tell from appearances. At 23 weeks pregnant it's not obvious to strangers and the last time I was on a train (reserved seat a seat in advance as I'm prone to fainting) some snarky woman was downright rude cos she wanted the seat next to her for her daughter.

I agree there's no excuse for bags on seats or man-sitting. But surely single and childless people can sit where they like . We don't all eat smelly takeaways either. WTF?

My experience of train travel is that most people don't give a crap, I was in a wheelchair getting assistance and people literally pushed around me to get onto the train for a seat. The man assisting me said people are getting worse when it comes to respecting people with disabilities and health issues on the trains. He was really quite mad about how rude everyone was and told people to move out of the disabled spaces quite firmly.

That said, if I was travelling and saw someone who needed a space more than me, I would give it to them, probably because I know how bloody hard it is to struggle.

Just to be clear - if specifically asked for a seat I'd always assume someone had good reason, and would instruct the DCs to give their seats up, but I wouldn't volunteer to someone who wasn't obviously in need.

No, I wouldn't offer my seat for a child.

If anyone asked me for the seat I would assume they had a need for it and would get up. I offer my seat to elderly and women with the baby on board stickers.

I don't really see what the problem is with kids? Parent holds onto handrail. DC holds tight onto parent.

Pisses me off to see a family with 5 kids with them on a busy train, all sitting on seats while the elderly stand. But obviously the kids aren't sitting they are kneeling, standing, bouncing... Which is actually way more dangerous than holding onto a pole or parent. Too many parents need to rediscove the phrase "sit still, feet off the chair, behave!"

Oh, this instance of seat-giving-up made me think there are really some very nice people in the world. Mainline train up north from London. Death on the tracks and no east coast trains running. Told to go to St P and get a train from there. For onto the platform, every door is totally full, whistle goes, I'm all the way at the front in first class and can see a little bit of room in the cartridge for standing but the door is rammed.

I call out "there is room further down, I'm getting on" and push on with suitcase.

Cue much tutting.

I can see room on the luggage rack but there is no way I can get to it so call out "if people help me get this onto the luggage rack there will be more room for everyone"

A bit more tutting but people comply and sort of shuffle and let me though. After the case is up I manage to break through the crush into the 1st class cartridge where there is loads of standing room (train class restrictions were waived, I know normally you can't go int there to stand)

So I sit cross legged on the floor. Watch a movie on my iPad and eat my m&s picnic. Then a young guy in a suit (probably actually got a 1st class ticket) catches my eye and offers me his seat! I said that was very kind but it was probably easier to sit on the floor in jeans than in his smart suit!

No I wouldn't just randomly give my seat up for someone who didn't look as though they needed it more than me.

Otherwise no-one would ever sit down.

If they look obviously preggers, disabled, old or struggling with little kids...then yes of course.

I would for a child more at the 5/6 end, not so much an 11 year old. I have been the only person in the carriage to offer my seat, when pregnant, to a woman who looked more pregnant than me. In a carriage full of men who had been sitting down all day in their jobs anyway.

People were very nice when DDs and I came home on the train at about 5pm once. I sat DD2 on my lap and offered her seat as the carriage filled up but people standing said "No - let her have the seat". Probably didn't want to sit next to me with a wriggling toddler of course anyway!

I'd give seat up for elderly/infirm/pregnant etc but not for a child unless clearly struggling. Would not move for a child if asked just because they were a child but of course would if they were ill etc etc. I was also made to get up to give my seat to adults when I was small.

No I wouldn't but I would for an elderly, pregnant, disabled or ill looking person. A DC could always sit on the floor like I do, if i don't get a seat and it's a long trip

My DC would get up for someone in the above categories.

No I definitely wouldn't. I was brought up to give adults a seat and brought my children up the same way. I also pay rather a lot of money to travel in overcrowded trains daily as a commuter, so I'm sorry but if you travel during the rush hour then you take your chances with everyone else.

I would definitely however, give my seat up for an elderly heavily pregnant or obviously infirm person - regardless of their age, and have done so.

Yes for small kids 6 or youngerish.

I'm in new York and people here on the subway are far worse than I ever saw in London on the tube. I saw fisticuffs the other day because some guy got on with his elderly disabled mother who was walking with a frame and asked someone to give up their seat. Everyone ignored him including the healthy guy who was sitting in the priority seat. They ended up exchanging words and then the two guys started fighting! The poor disabled mum jumped up and was in between the two of them shouting in Spanish. And all of this on a rammed subway carriage. It was bonkers!

I have done for a young child as it is not nice for them to be squashed against people at their height and it is easier for them to go flying if there were to be a sudden stop. Haven't for a child as old as 11, I tend to look out for the younger ones first.

I've given up my seat, when I used to use the tube, for elderly people, pregnant ladies and a young-ish able bodied man who was holding a new born baby (the mother was sitting opposite me) and I would probably give up my seat for a 5 yr old. Maybe not an 11 yr old though, 'cos I'm mean

It wouldn't even begin to occur to me to stand up for a child, unless the child had a visible disability, and I'm slightly shocked to read that judging by this thread parents must have been silently tutting at me for my entire adult life. I was brought up that children don't sit when adults are standing, because children are generally able to sit on their parent's lap or hold on to them, plus children don't feel the same need to get the weight off their feet. Of course I'll stand up for someone pregnant, someone carrying a small child, someone elderly or infirm (not that I'm always afforded the same courtesy when heavily pregnant myself).

As for single people sitting in a 6-person booth - what, when i travel alone am i supposed to leave large banks of empty seats as they are, rather than sitting where I like, in case someone gets on with a large brood? Really? I'll happily move to another seat if a family with young children gets on after me so that they can sit together, but if I get on the train before you I'm not leaving seats free on the offchance.

I would give up my seat to a child up to the age of 8/9ish, the reason is because of the level of their head. When I was a small child about 4/5ish I had long hair down to my bum, we were on the tube and all squashed in, my hair was in a plait and somehow got attatched to a young guys trouser zip. I was paniking, the guy had no idea how to unattach me from his zip, my mum had to undo the plait and take get the hair out of this guy's zip, the hair got into a knot so my mum was fiddling with the man's groin area for around 5 mins whilst I was sobbing. Looking back I feel really sorry for the man.

If I didn't have a seat to give up I would at the very least make sure a child had easy access to the hand rail, so many times I see people leaning with their entire body on the hand rail whilst others, including small children have nothig to hold onto. I have a friend with cp and when she gets onto a busy train like that she asks the person "is it ok if I hold onto your bag/shoulder because I am unable to stand on the train without support."

Like a lot of other posters, I was brought up to give up my seat for an adult. My free school bus pass & any concession fare was only on condition that we did not sit when there were adult, full-fare paying passengers standing. Bus drivers & conductors were quite strict about this.

In my mid-fifties now, I still give up my seat for elderly or disabled passengers, but I would not give up my seat for a child -- at 5 they can sit on your lap, and at 11, they are old enough to hang on. I'm usually knackered at the end of a 12 hour working day. I'm really surprised that parents think it's acceptable that an 11 year old child would sit while a working, full-fare paying adult is standing.

But I find young parents today have few ideas about other people's needs.On a bus one day, in the pouring rain, no parent would fold up prams etc, to allow a man in a wheelchair on. They just laughed & said "No room". It was utterly disgusting. They had choices; someone in a wheelchair at an uncovered bus stop does not.

It was about 3 years ago, and I still feel bad that I didn't do anything to help. Don't know what I could have done actually.

honeytea that must have been really horrible for everyone involved.

I think this thread has galvanised me in to realising that I will firmly keep hold of a seat for my kids unless someone in greater need gets on. And with the greatest respect,if an able bodied adult were to ask one of my children to stand while they sat,I would now decline.