Would you give up your seat on a crowded train

[akaemmafrost]

During rush hour, for a child, say between the ages of 5 and 11?

I would and have. It's just a discussion I was having today and I thought I would put it to MN.

I don't think it's PFB standing up for other people's kids.

It's very PFB to insist on a seat for your small child when he/she could sit on a lap.

Or, to use another MN favourite, entitled.

I think it's bonkers standing up for a perfectly healthy young child. I'd stand up for parent and very young child, if the parent was struggling and that allowed them to sit down and have a child on their knee, but if the parent was seated comfortably it's up to them to put said child on their knee. If they child is too big for a lap they're old enough to stand.

I commuted for years and when you pay £4k for an annual ticket you want a seat. However the trains were always packed, but i would offer my seat to elderly people or those pg or with small babies. Now when I travel with my dc, if someone offers a seat for them I say no and that I remember what is was like commuting. The kids can sit on the floor if necessary. If I do get a seat I put them on my lap (7and 4 !) or give them the seat and stand.

Op if you explained I would happily Give up my seat but I wouldn't automatically give up my seat for an over 5. I was always brought up as a child to stand so adults could sit down.

Someone did offer severely autistic ds1 a seat on a crowded train last year (so he was about 12). They obviously clocked him, and I was grateful as it made him much easier to manage. But I wouldn't expect someone to offer him their seat, and I probably wouldn't let ds2 or ds3 accept one if offered (unless the person was getting off/standing anyway or they were ill or something).

Once DD (7) was really tired and we had to stand the whole length of the northern line - she wouldnt stop moaning (quietly) but no one offered.. in the end this old lady took her on her lap! It was so sweet of her! but I was a bit annoyed that noone else stood up (I didnt care about a seat for me!)

to add: normally I wouldnt expect anyone to offer their seat for her automatically but in the circumstances it was quite odd

I always give up my seat on the bus if there is no seats left - unless im pregnant - which i currently am.

It's very PFB to insist on a seat for your small child when he/she could sit on a lap

I don't think anyone has said that they get on a bus/train and insist on a seat for their child. No one has said they would expect a seated adult to stand up and let their child sit down if the parent had a seat.

I would always ask my child to stand up for an adult if we were at a party or social gathering, kids can sit on the floor easier than adults, I just feel like trains/buses are different as there is a risk of the child falling as they are more unstable.

OK, scrap the word 'insist', but this thread has talked about small children occupying a seat of their own while adults stand and I was talking about that.

I don't understand why people think children are inherently more unstable than adults. A child too big to sit on a lap is big enough to stand and hold on. A child small enough to be unstable or not to be able to hold on is small enough for a lap.

And you think you have nice manners? What a very rude thing to say! It could have been their one day off with their kids and they were out the rest of the week earning taxes to pay for your hospital treatment.

I think you missed my point that for 18 months I was disabled. I had the use of only one arm/hand, and was extremely unstable and scared of falling again.

So all you entitled parents who say "Of course, I'd give up my seat for a disabled person." well, guess what? Not one of these parents did.

There's manners for you.

What a bizarre notion that 5-11 year old children (the age group this thread is about) are more unstable than adults. I'd bet new pink shoes on the average 5 year old having better stability and ability to hang on than an average adult (because I've seen them easily remaining upright on a bouncey castle and hanging on to the climbing frame in the park).

*I bet MY new pink shoes

OP - I do give up my seat for children (always ask the child or the parent if they'd like a seat) on the tube on a regular basis (as if I'm on a packed train with my 3 and 6 year old (suspected dyspraxia, v unsteady) I'm always grateful when people give up their seats for them).

Collie maybe they assumed you could hold on with the other hand I have only ever held on one handed and might assume one hand is enough for holding on. I have a blind friend and he always refuses seats when they are offered to him he says to tge person thankyou but I am just as able as you to stand.

From the sounds of it no one offered you a seat so it wasn't just the entitled mummies on the bus, your the one making sweeping statements about who's tax money is supporting those kids and in my opinion that is rude.

Parents where I live get free public transport if they have a pushchair so you see kids over 5 in pushchairs that makes me cross!

I used to, until my joint issues got so bad that I actually NEED the seat myself. However, my 10yo will offer his seat to a younger DC without being asked.

A lot of people keep saying a five year old should sit on parents lap and this I agree with but I did not have a seat, none of us did. So it's not relevant to the question I am asking.

I'd like to see you fit my 9yo DS2 on your lap - he is 4ft10, but has two different muscle problems. He LOOKS for and healthy. But he isn't. And there is no WAY he can stay upright on a moving bus.

Plus, our local buses charge the same for children over 5yo as they do for adults in the morning rush hour. As I have paid exactly the same fare for him as I have paid for myself, like hell will I make him get up for an adult.

And as I am also disabled, I can't fit a 4 1/2 stone, 4ft10 DC on my lap.

So quit judging - there may well be reasons that a DC needs the seat just as much, if not more than a fit healthy adult.

Us disabled don't come with warning signs, you know!

I WOULD insist on a seat for my DS2. I have paid his fare, fair and square, and he NEEDS the seat. And if people won't get up for him, I WILL stand on the bus or train and say very loudly that my DS has muscle problems and requires a seat, who is going to get up for him.

Oh and those of you who say you would stand up for parents with a small child (disclaimer: realise this is not me because dd is 5) you are supposed to stand up for parents with small children, up to about 3 I think because that's what the priority seats on the tube are for. Disabled, pregnant and people carrying small children.

My five year old would happily stand. Then again I probably wouldn't take her on the tube in rush hour unless I had no choice, but on a normal train or bus she'd be fine standing.
EmmaFrost most people, me included, have said that they would give up a seat to a child if there were obvious difficulties or if the parent explained that they had problems standing up, or a hidden disability or whatever. I just don't agree that adults should give up seats for children as a matter of course. Did you ask for a seat for your DS?

Couthy, no-one is disputing that if there are special needs to consider, that is a different circumstance. If your 9yo needs a seat, then he or you should ask someone to give it up for him. Anyone who genuinely needs a seat should feel able to do this.

That doesn't mean that all adults should feel compelled to get up for all children to sit down, just in case one of them has SN.

you ARE brave couthy think I will follow your example for ds. I usually just stand and seethe silently while holding him up.

Couthy if you explained your DS's condition I'm sure people would give up their seats. I'm sure you don't need to do it loudly, most people are polite and some of us have impeccable manners, as do our dcs.

No I said I didn't in a previous post. He looks fine so I feel nervous about asking. I realise loads of people have been sympathetic on the thread .