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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you give up your seat on a crowded train

335 replies

akaemmafrost · 08/10/2012 18:19

During rush hour, for a child, say between the ages of 5 and 11?

I would and have. It's just a discussion I was having today and I thought I would put it to MN.

OP posts:
honeytea · 09/10/2012 17:46

Gosakuramchi I would think of you as being selfish and bad mannered if you sat down whilst children stood around you, manners and selfishness are subjective.

Coprolite · 09/10/2012 17:58

GoSakuramachi you are entitled to your opinion of me. You've made it very clear to all.Well done you.

Thank you akaemma.

Coprolite · 09/10/2012 18:02

Akaemma please rest assured that all paying adults would not think you were selfish and bad mannered if you let your DS sit while they stood.

I wouldn't, for one. And I don't want you to get that impression from others comments.

GoSakuramachi · 09/10/2012 18:04

You may think that, but you would be wrong. There are agreed rules on these things, and you are outside of them.

Original poster
akaemmafrost · 09/10/2012 18:12

Grin agreed by whom gosakura? It's like most other contentious issue, in the end it's down to the individual surely?

OP posts:
GoSakuramachi · 09/10/2012 18:13

No. Modern myth that everything is down to the individual. Some of us are aware of an long ago agreed code of good manners, some, clearly are not.

Original poster
akaemmafrost · 09/10/2012 18:14

Agreed by whom though?

OP posts:
Original poster
akaemmafrost · 09/10/2012 18:15

They can hardly be "agreed" rules if so many appear to be unaware of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
akaemmafrost · 09/10/2012 18:17

You call coprolite selfish and bad mannered, yet from your posts on here I would say that description applies to you, especially selfish and with the addition of the word aggressive.

OP posts:
Coprolite · 09/10/2012 18:25

GoSakuramachi I am waiting with baited breath.

I'm kind of reading that its an agreed rule that children have standing room only or sit on the floor in trains if there are adults wanting a seat.

I don't want to play by that set of rules,thanks.

Just like I never agreed when there was apartheid in South Africa and blacks weren't allowed to be seated near whites.

Call me odd......

honeytea · 09/10/2012 18:36

You may think that, but you would be wrong. There are agreed rules on these things, and you are outside of them.

Where can one find this list of rules?

ElaineBenes · 09/10/2012 18:48

Akaemma

Just want to say that you shouldn't be embarrassed to ask if your ds is having trouble standing. I really think the majority of able bodied people would give up their seat if you explained he has a disability and trouble standing.

I wouldn't automatically stand for a 9 year old but absolutely would if someone asked. I don't think I've ever been asked by someone to give up a seat in all the years I've travelled on the tube (I always offer to someone who visibly needs it more) and I certainly wouldn't assume that you were just scamming to get your ds a seat!

I was once on the tube with my dd who really wasn't feeling good. I did ask someone to give up his seat, explained she wasn't feeling well. He did roll his eyes and mutter but gave up his seat (and then when he saw her just flop and go straight to sleep when she sat down as she was clearly not well, he apologized!).

OneMoreChap · 09/10/2012 18:51

honeytea

I said
"Nope, never would stand for a child; used to always stand for women, but now do for elderly women and men, pregnant women, and woman with kids."

Would that make me rude too? How about if the kids sat while pregnant women stood?

Very odd.

honeytea · 09/10/2012 18:57

Onemorechap I would think you were rude if you were sat and a young child (under 7ish) was stood up.

I am pregnant and I feel like as far as the seat priority goes being pregnant is pretty low down, I don't have my own children yet but I look after kids often and I stand up and let them sit down because it is uncomfy for me to stand up but I would hate to see a small child fall over just to save my hips from hurting.

OneMoreChap · 09/10/2012 18:59

honeytea

Bizarre.
Why should I stand rather than you if pregnant is pretty low down?

Why would you assume a child will fall over, rather than me, and whose injury is more likely to be severe from falling to the floor.

Coprolite · 09/10/2012 19:08

I would have been happy to stand while pregnant while small children sat OneMoreChap.
Personal choice as I was perfectly capable of doing so during my pregnancies.
Not odd Confused

FergusSingsTheBlues · 09/10/2012 19:10

honeytea - It´s just not about aching hips - it´s ultimately about injuring your unborn child!! Years ago somebody was elbowed out of the way at a tube station in London and subsequently lost her baby - it does happen.

honeytea · 09/10/2012 19:16

fergus that is really horrid, I hadn't even thought of that :( My placenta is on the back of my uterus so I try not to worry about bumps, I commute everyday in a country where people are not very polite on public transport so I get lots of bumps :(

Onemorechap I don't think a child finds it as easy to hold on and concentrate not falling over as a grown up, they also have a lot fewer options as to where they can hold on and they are at a unfortunate height.

FergusSingsTheBlues · 09/10/2012 19:23

yeah, I know, horrible thing to happen, and the reason I just want to be offered a seat when Im standing. I´m nearly six months preg and feel really vulnerable swaying on a tube!

Original poster
akaemmafrost · 09/10/2012 19:35

It really is as simple as the fact that small children's motor skills are not as developed as ours. They are not as strong and more likely to be hurt by the MUCH heavier and larger adults around them. Small children fall over in day to day life much more than adults do for the same reasons. I am very Hmm at a grown able bodied person sitting comfortably while a five year child is standing and being barged about as we were yesterday. It's has nothing to do with manners imo.

Thanks to those who mention my ds. I am going to get the card as recommended by someone up thread and will be more forward about asking for him. Before the last stop of our journey one seat became available, of the three of us he is the one who sat because he was really struggling.

OP posts:
TheCollieDog · 10/10/2012 08:31

I´m nearly six months preg and feel really vulnerable swaying on a tube!

Well I had a period of about 18 months of having only one usable arm, other arm in a sling. Crowded bus, filled at the front with non-folded prams and parents sitting down next to them. NOT ONE of those apparently understanding mummies offered me a seat. If I had fallen again, I would have been in such severe pain again I'd have had to go back AGAIN to A&E and take another week off work.

You know the only person who offered me a seat regularly? An elderly man. I will forever remember him for his simple kindness and good manners. While I was out earning to pay tax to pay for those other women's children, being brought up by hugely unmannerly parents.

So excuse me if I don't buy the "children first" new code. And it is a very new changed set of "good manners" if that is indeed what it is. So many posters on here are saying that as children, they were expected always to give up a seat to an adult, because that person was an adult.

When did that set of basic good manners change?

honeytea · 10/10/2012 08:37

While I was out earning to pay tax to pay for those other women's children, being brought up by hugely unmannerly parents

And you think you have nice manners? What a very rude thing to say! It could have been their one day off with their kids and they were out the rest of the week earning taxes to pay for your hospital treatment.

LilyBolero · 10/10/2012 08:52

I am honestly astonished that so many people think an adult should give up a seat for a child!!! A child who is over 5 should sit on their mum's knee, or if too big, should stand, if there are adults standing. Definitely. I was always taught this, and I insist on this with my kids too. They are perfectly capable of standing, even my teeny tiny 6yo who weighs less than 3 stone. And if need be, you as a parent can even hold their hand, or put an arm round them to steady them.

Children aren't made of bone china you know!

OneMoreChap · 10/10/2012 09:08

Yes, lots of PFB here Sad.

saintlyjimjams · 10/10/2012 09:10

Why aren't children sitting on their parents laps if too young to stand?

My Mum always made me give up my seat to let adults sit down. It wouldn't occur to me to do anything different. I'd probably leave severely autistic 13 year old ds1 sitting because although he's physically capable of standing he's much easier 'contained', but I'd make ds2 (10) and ds3 (7) stand or sit on my lap (suspect ds2 would rather stand).