To want his teacher do more than just apologise?

[FuriousP]

Sorry long post.I have namechanged for obvious reasons!
My son is a new Yr7 at High School, he has been loving classes, and especially those with a certain teacher, he has come home raving about how good her lessons are etc.
Last Friday, I had a very worrying call from his brother (DS2) to say DS1 had been upset by a teacher at school, and was so embarrassed he hadn't got the bus home, and was going to try to walk to his dads palce of work (only 1.5mile, but DS's dont really know the town where the school is very well, and certainly would not be sure of the walking route to that workplace) I tried to ring DS1, only to find his phone was out of power, so immediatly left work and drove to the school, only to find DS2 had got the late bus home instead (couldnt find dads, so went back and caught it, thank god)
It turns out that the beloved teacher had seen him fiddling under the desk (his pen had broken, he was trying to put it back together), and said "DS1, there is only one reason for your hand to be under your desk, and you having a big smile on your face, you are obviously playing with your willy!" and the whole class laughed at him My DS gets teased quite a lot as he has a few minor physical disability issues anyway, and found this totally humiliating, so burst into tears, and the TA took him out of nclass and sat with him outside to calm him down. Teacher then came out and said "Sorry, I shouldnt have said that, but lets not make an issue of it, shall we?" all DS wanted to know was why she had done this to him, which she wouldn't (or could'nt!) answer. The bell went for end of school, and all kids came out of class, still talking about incident and laughing, adn at that point DS had made the decision not to get on the bus.
When I got home and heard this, I tried to ring school, but only got answering machine, then at 6pm, I had a phone call from the school Deputy Head Teacher, apparently the TA had gone to him and reported the incident, along with another teacher who had heard this woman talking to DS in the corridor, and DHT, was investigating, and wanted to know if an apology was enough, or did we want more, as apparently this teacher was already under warning for "inappropriate behaviour"!
DS is very upset still, he is worried that the teasing will get worse, and everybody will say he was playing with himself in class, but doesnt want teacher to get sacked, what do I say I want to happen, as, personally I want her hung out to dry for hurting my sons feelings so much, but also want to repect sons wishes?? Thanks for reading this, any opinions welcome (puts on hard hat!)

What a cow trying to wriggle out of her own mess!

Stay calm, record the facts and don't be afraid to show your authority as a Parent.

Update- i have got home from work, and found out from my DS1 she had been removed from teaching his half of the year group....and moved to teaching DS2's half! bet she gets a surprise to see "DS1" sitting in her class again (They are ID twins, and she apparently know this!)

How do you feel about that Furious? Do you want her teaching DS2?

*does not know this!

I think it's a good sign that they moved her because it suggests they're aware of how upsetting this was for him.
If this had occurred in a work setting then it would probably be harassment. It isn't made more acceptable by the target of the bullying being a child. I hope the school are taking it seriously enough.
How is your ds feeling now? Has the bullying from the other dc stopped? Are the school taking any specific actions to prevent more teasing?

Tbh I am speechless - have been teaching for 15 years I can't believe any teacher would think that was an appropriate comment to make.if happened in my school a disciplinary for sure .

Not really, no, but he is the more resilient lippy of the 2, really i want her away from teaching this year group altogether, at least until a full investigation has taken place.

That's really dreadful. I'm a teacher and my school has a strict sexual bullying policy - what the teacher said to your DS would fall under this for sure.
She needs to be majorly disciplined. I'd want her off my staff if I was the head teacher, tbh. Vile and insensitive behaviour.

I would have thought the fact that she tried to coerce him would be enough to move her completely tbh.

I also think this move is a small indication of the fact that they feel there is something to investigate!

Also, even if she didn´t say "willy"-wouldn´t talking about his hand under the table in this way "only one reason for it"-be inappropriate enough?

Glad they're acting fast, but that isn't exactly a good solution.

Unless she has had her lips sewn together too?

diddl I agree. Even if that's what she thought (ew, I'd have assumed mobile phone) she should just have told him to stop messing about and keep his hands on the desk.

what is very surreal is that the dht asked yuou what you wanted. It sounds like they haven't a clue how to deal with this, when there should be a clear policy.

I wonder if she's denying it, claiming it was heard incorrectly and has threatened to counter claim if they suspend her.

Be prepared Furious.

Hi,
I am really sorry for your son, what a horrible and upsetting thing to happen to him. I think you have done exactly the right thing by reassuring him.

As a head teacher can I just suggest a few things?

a) Write down everything that has happened so far, time your son called, what your son did and said about the incident when he got home, the fact that your son/classmates still haven't been spoken to etc.

b) Write down any communication made between you and the school regardless who initiated it.

c) insist that you have a meeting asap, think about the questions that you want answers to, write them down and write down their answers take someone for support if you want to, but stay calm and clear about what you want

d) If you don't feel satisfied with the outcome of the incident you will need to follow their complaints procedure. I have just rewritten my school policy (based on the LA generic format!) and one thing they are very clear of that if a complaint is sent to them without following the school procedures first they will just refer it straight back to school. The school office will have a copy of the policy and it may also be on the website.

If there is anything else I can help with let me know.

As a HT it is horrible when situations like this happen but there should be clear procedures in place for the school to follow. We all do make mistakes and it could well be a very, very misjudged comment, however that does not make it in anyway acceptable and it still needs investigating fully and then actions drawn up as result of this.

I hope you get an outcome you are all happy with
x

How are they going to brush under the carpet that the ta and another teacher heard it though?

Call their bluff. Thy probably thought you wouldn't take it further so are now back trackin because they don't want to deal with it

I have a lot of respect for teachers but unfortunately there are some who aren't suited to it- just as there are in every other profession.

FuriousP, good luck. When I have to deal with things like this, I always think that I'm teaching my sons what to do and how to do it when stuff happens. It helps me keep going when I'd rather hide under the bed.

sassy, my son is in Year 9 and quite robust. If a teacher said that to him, he'd laugh it off, although would be embarrassed. If I heard about a teacher saying that to him, I'd think she was infantile and pathetic to be sexually inappropriate with a pupil as a joke, desperate to be 'one of the boys', and tell him so. I would report it and expect that the school take action.

I too have reported. Don't know if 2 reports are better than one, but anyway...